9 red flags that indicate a friend isn’t as loyal as they make out to be

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Trust and loyalty are the pillars of any strong friendship, but sometimes it isn’t all too easy to tell the good friends from the bad.

Finding out that your friends aren’t all too loyal can be a tough pill to swallow, especially if you’ve invested time and care into said person.

But I’ll tell you now – spotting these red flags can save you a lot of heartache in the long run, as it prevents you from investing time in a one-sided friendship…

(Or someone who is going to stab you in the back not too far down the line).

In this article, we’re going to cover the 9 red flags you should definitely be keeping an eye out for that indicate your friend isn’t as trustworthy as you think. 

An insight might just save your friendship – or help you move on from it.

1) They’re not there when you need them

Life is full of ups and downs, and it’s our friends and loved ones who we turn to in times of crisis.

Now, a truly loyal friend will be there for you when you’re going through tough times. 

Whether it’s someone to listen to you vent, a shoulder to cry on, or just some support and strength, good friends will stick by your side no matter how tough things get.

But a friend who just ups and disappears when things get tough or becomes distant and unresponsive?

That’s a major red flag!

Loyalty isn’t just about being there in good times and enjoying the journey. 

It’s also about showing up in the tough times and being ready to do what you can to help a friend out.

So beware of those who vanish into thin air when you need them.

True friends will be there through it all.

2) Broken promises

Broken promises suck.

Especially if you come from a place of mistrust, and decide to put your faith in a friend and trust that they’ll keep a promise.

And sure, sometimes things get in the way of promises, but with a good friend, this happens few and far between.

So be wary of too many broken promises.

Not only is this highlighting someone who can’t keep their word and isn’t trustworthy, it can also have long lasting detrimental impacts on your ability to trust people.

Constant broken promises only show a lack of respect for your time and feelings. 

Real friendship is built on trust and reliability, so if these are missing, you’re likely dealing with an unfaithful friend.

3) Gossip mill

If someone gossips with you and tells you other people’s secrets, there’s an almost inevitable chance they’re gossiping behind your back and spilling your secrets too.

Most of us partake in a bit of guilty gossip, but beware of those who seem to be running the rumor mill.

They’re likely spreading just as many of the stories you tell them in good faith too.

And someone who can’t keep your secrets is not to be trusted

4) Dangerously competitive

A bit of healthy competition between friends can be fun and incite everyone to try a little harder.

But how tiring is it when someone turns every little venture into a full blown competition?

Nothing is safe, not even something so trivial as who has the nicest bed linen…

Just know that a loyal friend will celebrate your achievements and be happy for your successes, no matter how big or small.  

They won’t ever try to one-up you or diminish your accomplishments.

5) You’re always the one reaching out

Ask yourself:

If you stopped reaching out and initiating plans completely, would you ever hear from this person again?

Communication is a two-way street. 

If you’re always the one initiating contact or making plans, it could be a sign that the friendship isn’t as balanced as it should be.

A loyal and trustworthy friend will show interest in your life and make an effort to stay in touch. 

They’ll check in with you regularly, suggest plans for hangouts, and strike up regular conversation.

If you find yourself always being the one to reach out, it might suggest that your friend isn’t as invested in the friendship as you are. 

True reciprocated loyalty means showing up and being actively involved – not just responding when it’s convenient.

6) Indifferent to your feelings

Friendships are about connection, understanding, and most importantly, valuing each other’s feelings.

So if you’ve ever shared something important to you with this person and been met with ridicule or laughter – bad sign!

A loyal friend will treat your feelings with respect.

They’ll give you their full and undivided attention when you’re speaking, empathize with your experiences, and validate your emotions. 

Forget belittling your feelings or make you feel like you’re overreacting.

But if your friend repeatedly disregards your emotions, it can be a painful sign of disloyalty which you should be mindful of.

7) Miraculously reappearing when they need something from you

So they’ve disappeared for a while as they’re notoriously bad at keeping in contact or being there when you need them.

Then all of a sudden, they reappear!

Initially, you’re happy to see them. You’re friends! They’re probably just checking in on you…

“Hey, I need a favor…”

Here it comes!

A friend only seems to be around when they need a favor or some support, but is nowhere to be seen when things are going well for them, it’s a red flag. 

True friends won’t disappear and reappear only when they need a favor. 

8) Never happy for you

Someone who seems reluctant to tell you you’re doing a good job or to celebrate when you accomplish someone likely doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

A loyal friend will be genuinely happy for you when you succeed. 

They won’t let jealousy or insecurity get in the way of acknowledging your accomplishments, and they’ll be cheerleading for you no matter what.

True friendship is never a competition. 

It means supporting each other through both good times and bad.

9) Betrayal

Finally, outright betrayal is a pretty obvious red flag when it comes to friendship.

And betrayal can come in many shapes and forms; spreading your secrets, lying to you, or being dishonest about their actions.

Any breach of trust can be deeply hurtful and damaging.

So if your friend betrays your trust, it might be time to reassess the friendship. 

True and honest loyalty means respecting boundaries, keeping confidence, and being honest – no exceptions!

The importance of loyalty…

Friendships are one of the greatest blessings on earth.

Friends lift us up, laugh with us, and have our backs no matter what.

But a friend who exhibits one or all of the 9 red flags above?

Well, watch your back is all I can say!

If you only notice these red flags on occasion, consider having an honest conversation with the person and letting them know how their behavior is affecting you.

If this behavior continues, reflect on whether the friendship is truly serving you, as it’s important who you spend your time and energy with.

And remember; a true friend will never leave you questioning that friendship.

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