It’s normal for your boyfriend to push your buttons from time to time – no relationship is perfect.
But if you’re feeling particularly irritated, these ten reasons your boyfriend is annoying you will help you understand why, and what you can do to create a stronger relationship.
1) He doesn’t communicate well
Men, by nature, are not great communicators. When you try talking to them, they automatically think that they’ve done something terrible. Most of the time, they don’t. This cluelessness, however, drives their girlfriends further to the brink.
The truth is that men aren’t great communicators, not because they don’t want to. It’s because their biology is different from women.
The limbic system, which is the processing center for emotions, is more prominent in women than men.
In other words, women are more in touch with their emotions.
On the other hand, some men find emotions scary. They think more than they feel. That’s why they find communicating — which involves thinking and feeling at the same time – to be quite a challenge.
In the immortal words of Yoda: do or do not, there is no try. He’d either think OR feel, but not both.
2) He’s no longer affectionate
Remember when you were first dating and how he wasn’t able to keep his hands off you?
And now that you’re a year into the relationship, he’d rather keep his hands somewhere else — his PS5 controller, to be exact.
When it comes to affection, there’s no denying that men are from Mars — while women are Venus.
Ladies, for one, say “I love you” more often. Men don’t, which makes them seem ‘cold’ to their girlfriends.
While an unaffected boyfriend can make you think that he’s fallen out of love, he may have reasons that don’t have anything to do with you.
Here are some of them.
Whenever he’s anxious, he ends up focusing on what’s threatening him – internal or otherwise. Since he’s focused on the perceived danger, showing affection may not be at the top of his list.
A guy with OCD finds it hard to convey his feelings. In his mind, his affectionate ways might end up transmitting something to you.
If your boyfriend is depressed, he’s more likely to be lethargic. He’s bound to lose passion or interest, which could come across as him being unaffectionate.
He could be feeling the crisis associated with aging — losing his libido, perhaps? Either way, what he feels could end up limiting the way he shows his affection.
3) He keeps on dismissing your feelings
Picture this: he knows how vital date night is to you. You told him to go home right away, but he insisted on playing ball with the guys for a few hours.
Expectedly, both of you get into a fight. Why? Because he dismissed your feelings for the nth time.
It is annoying — maddening even — to be emotionally invalidated every single time.
When your boyfriend rejects your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings, you can’t help but think that you don’t matter. And because you feel unimportant, you become irrational. Then you have this feeling invalidated once again.
This invalidation doesn’t have to be verbal, either. He can invalidate you through gestures. It’s as simple as ignoring you or using his phone whenever you talk out to him.
Whenever this happens, you need to know that it’s not your fault. For the most part, your boyfriend does this because:
- He is unable to process his emotions
- He doesn’t know how to respond to you right now
- He’s preoccupied with other problems
That said, you shouldn’t just let this feeling of invalidation take you over. If left unresolved, it can lead to further problems, such as:
- Confusion and distrust in your own emotions
- Low self-esteem and poor self-image
- Depression, anxiety, even borderline personality disorder
4) He’d rather walk out than talk things over
It’s very unpleasant when your boyfriend walks from something — rather than addressing the situation head-on.
As to why men do this, they have quite a few reasons why they’d rather walk away:
Your boyfriend — like many other guys — may be suffering from “Peter Pan syndrome“. It’s pretty self-explanatory: he refuses to grow up. If he can, he’d be a kid forever.
A man-child is somebody who’s easily stressed by adulting. He refuses to deal with problems — which is what’s expected of a grown man like him. Instead, he’d try to walk away from the contentious situation.
When you were first going out, he was more than thrilled to share every moment with you. But as time went on, he found it harder to deal with some of your behaviors.
Some men find it easier to escape than address such issues. So instead of telling his thoughts, he’d rather walk out instead.
He’s too tired of arguing with you — especially if it’s about the same thing every single time. Don’t get me wrong; some men can deal with arguments over and over again. But for the most part, some guys are unable to tolerate the same kind of tension.
His walkout, while frustrating, is his way to avoid doing something he’ll regret – like cussing you out.
Too much on his plate
It might not be obvious, but some men walk away whenever they have too much on their plate. He could have work or money problems, and your relationship issues may end up adding fuel to the fire.
5) He doesn’t know his limits
Some guys find it hard to establish boundaries with their girlfriends. Some lack integrity that they continue to push the envelope — without regard for personal space whatsoever.
It’s concerning whenever your boyfriend tries to control or restrict your actions. He’s telling you what to wear and what you should & shouldn’t do.
Here are some other signs that your controlling boyfriend is unaware of his limits:
- He doesn’t respect your space and/or privacy.
- He thinks he’s always right.
- He treats you poorly.
- He’s highly critical of things.
- He’s isolated you from your family and friends.
- You don’t have a lot of people to talk to — just him.
- You always apologize when something happens, even if it’s not your fault.
- He loves you conditionally, i.e., He’ll break up with you if you go out with the girls tonight.
6) He lacks ambition
Women like ‘flexible’ men. But too much of a good thing is vile, as this report suggests. In other words, a boyfriend who’s too easygoing can be just as annoying.
For most ladies, having a relaxed lifestyle is synonymous with a lack of ambition. This lack of foresight annoys many girlfriends because they believe that planning is a sign that he cares.
Women love it when guys put thought and consideration into something, no matter how small.
This lack of ambition is also concerning, especially if you’re thinking of moving to the next level. If he doesn’t have plans for his life, will you have a promising future with him?
7) He’s just a bad person
When a relationship is just starting, all you see are stars and butterflies. So even if your boyfriend is beginning to show his colors, you’re so blinded that you ignore it.
As time passes by, the two of you eventually become accustomed to one another. Now that everything’s settled, his bad habits slowly come to light. Once he was charming, but now, you just find him insensitive, unfeeling, and downright annoying.
And while it may be his fault that he’s this way, many other factors come into play.
For one, men are often taught that kindness, sympathy, and understanding are signs of weakness. Real men, after all, should be tough as nails. They need to bottle their emotions — and be bad, as needed — if they want to achieve power, strength, and authority.
8) He’s grown too comfortable with you
Remember when you first dated? He was always on his best behavior. He always washed the dishes and put his clothes in the hamper.
Fast forward to several months later, and he’s already doing the opposite. He lets the dishes pile up in the kitchen sink. All his dirty garments are everywhere but in the hamper.
While annoying, this means one good thing: he feels very comfortable around you. He’s not afraid to show this real side — a guy who tends to leave his dirty dishes and soiled clothes around the house.
This authenticity, although irritating, is actually a good sign for your relationship. He’s no longer doing things because it’s what’s expected of him. He’s true to himself — and to you — which is essential for the relationship to flourish.
9) You’re frustrated
Your boyfriend has been annoying you for so long that you’re an inch away from transforming into She-hulk.
Then you see his dirty plates, which you’ve told him to clean about an hour ago.
Your eyes are on fire. You’re angry as hell.
And why not? You have cause to be angry.
You feel that he’s not respecting your feelings. You feel like you’re being mistreated. Even if he’s not doing something major, you’re bound to be annoyed with every little thing he does.
10) You’re a highly sensitive person
Even if your boyfriend is not at all annoying, your sensitivity might be the reason why you’re so easily irritated.
As a highly sensitive person or HSP, you are one of the 15-20% of people worldwide who get easily disturbed and overwhelmed by things. That means that even if your boyfriend is just being himself — it annoys you to the core.
As an HSP, you’re also more likely to be:
The number 1 characteristic of an empath is sensitivity. You sense your boyfriend so much that it ends up annoying you.
Overwhelmed by Pressure
You often find yourself overburdened by pressure. When your boyfriend tries to hurry you up because you’re late for a wedding, you take out your frustrations on him instead.
Reactive to Criticism
Although your partner means well when he told you that wearing heels to Disneyland is not a good idea, you just end up frustrated. You try to prove that he’s wrong, then you end up realizing that he’s right.
Heels + Disneyland = a horrific nightmare for your feet.
Him being right = a nightmare to your ego.
As an HSP, you quickly sense other people’s preferences. This meticulousness and eye for detail can easily lead you towards perfectionism. So when your boyfriend fails to do something perfectly, you get annoyed easily.
5 things you need to do whenever your boyfriend annoys you
It’s tempting to walk away — just like your boyfriend — whenever you feel annoyed with him. But as we all know, it’s not the best thing to do. Save your relationship by doing these five things instead:
Understand how this annoyance affects the relationship
Even if you’re keeping the annoyance to yourself, you’re still judging your boyfriend. This can make you feel superior at first, but you eventually end up distancing yourself from your partner.
Should your boyfriend continue with his annoying ways, you end up being more judgmental than ever. This then leads to contempt, which harms your relationship in the long run.
That said, whenever you feel irritated, reflect on how annoyance leads to judgment and contempt — and how they could spark the downfall of your relationship.
This is why you should take a non-judgmental stance. It would help if you tried to understand some things that aggravate you, such as his poor communication skills or lack of affection.
Men are somehow wired to be this way. He may be struggling, but the fact of the matter is he’s doing the best he can.
Acknowledge your feelings
You need to understand that it’s not always your boyfriend’s fault that you get annoyed with him. You feel this way because of your judgment, frustration, sensitivity, among many other reasons.
Blaming everything on him is not only unfair, but it’s also bad for the relationship.
For example, he might have walked out on you because of battle fatigue – you raise the same issue every time.
You don’t want things to fall apart because of a simple annoyance. Whatever you feel is because of your thoughts and feelings, not that of your partner’s.
When you’re annoyed, you’re being annoying as well
Say you’re the girlfriend who speaks her mind. Whenever you tell him off, you’re doing what you think he’s doing to you: being annoying.
Nagging often starts with you asking something — and not getting any response. In some instances, you do get an answer, but it’s something that you don’t like. This leads you to ask the same question repeatedly, which eventually drives things over the edge.
Since nagging is one of the primary reasons why couples break up, you could avoid being unintentionally annoying by being appreciative. So he walks out on you from time to time. But when push comes to shove, here’s there by your side 100%.
It’s also important to be forgiving. Your boyfriend is human, and therefore, imperfect. You’d want him to forgive you when you do something terrible, wouldn’t you?
Dwell on yourself — instead of your partner
Just because you’re annoyed doesn’t mean that you should lash out at your partner. When you criticize or scold him, you push him further away.
Likewise, it would help if you tried to put yourself in his shoes. Would you be happy whenever your boyfriend criticizes you? Like any other person, this will make you feel ashamed, uncomfortable, if not furious.
As Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Be the change you want to see in this world.” If you want him to change, then you should change yourself. Unbeknownst to you, he may find some of your traits just as annoying.
Keep in mind: you’re partners, not enemies
Remember the love.
You’re together because you want to be with each other. You’re teammates. It would be best if you didn’t let the minor annoyances break you up.
If things prove to be too much, know that there’s still hope: couples therapy.
Contrary to popular beliefs, it’s not just for partners on the verge of breaking up. It can help you and your boyfriend make better decisions concerning your relationship.
With the therapist’s help, couples will be more adept at figuring out the following:
- How you are and what you’re like as individuals
- What ‘bonds’ you two together
- What causes the conflict and stresses in the relationship (your annoyance with some of his habits, for example)
- The existing behavioral and communication patterns
- The dysfunctional aspects of the relationship
Being annoyed with your partner is normal, but some things can drive you to the edge. It could be his poor communication skills and a lack of affection.
It’s also frustrating whenever he dismisses you — or walks out in the middle of an argument.
A boyfriend who lacks boundaries — as well ambitions — can be irritating as well.
Not every annoying thing is bad, though, as it could mean that he’s very comfortable with the relationship.
Unbeknownst to you, you might be the reason behind your annoyance as well. If you’re frustrated or highly sensitive, your blood is sure to boil easier.
That said, you can take hold of your ire easily. All you need to do is acknowledge your feelings – and understand how your annoyance affects the relationship. It would be best if you dwell on how you can improve yourself.
More importantly, you should keep this in mind: you guys are partners! You’re meant to love – not frustrate each other.
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