“Sisters are doin’ it for themselves
Standin’ on their own two feet
And ringin’ on their own bells.”
In the wise words of the eurythmics, times are changing.
Whether you chose to have one in your life is another matter, but the days of a woman “needing” a man are over.
Plenty of single women around the world are finding success, fulfillment, and love — without a guy by their side.
Can a woman be happy without a man? You bet she can. Here are 10 reasons why you don’t need a man.
1) He’s not going to save you
Many of us grew up on fairytales where the Prince rescued the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Even though we know that real life is far from this, there’s a part of us still waiting for it to happen.
Let’s face it, life can be tough. It’s a comforting thought that one person can come along and make everything better.
But the truth is, no one is going to swoop down and save you. No one is going to take care of you. You’re going to have to get out there and work for what you want.
Because in the long run, only you can achieve your dreams or accomplish your ambitions. Only you can change your situation. Only you can save yourself.
That doesn’t mean you have to do it alone, but it’s important to recognize that it is fundamentally down to you.
We place so much emphasis on a partner completing our world. But this very notion is dangerous. It gives someone else too much power over your own contentment.
Expressions like “your other half” or “you complete me” suggest that you are not whole alone.
As romantic as concepts like twin flames (souls separated in two) may sound, it actually encourages us to rely on someone else and think of ourselves as broken and incomplete.
So repeat after me: “I don’t need a man to complete me”.
2) Being in the wrong relationship takes from you rather than adds
This article isn’t about bashing men. Neither is it hating on relationships. Both can be pretty wonderful.
But it is about taking off the rose-tinted glasses about the role of romantic relationships within our lives and the idealized status they are often given.
The truth is that the wrong kind of relationship is going to do you more harm than good. The sad reality is that plenty of women out there are with a guy who doesn’t treat them right because deep down they feel like they need a man. And when you feel that way, sometimes any man will do.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that being in a bad relationship is somehow better than being alone.
If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, then you’re giving away your time and energy to someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Finding yourself in a toxic relationship can seriously impact on your self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you need a man to be fulfilled. Because if he isn’t the right man, if anything, he might just be holding you back.
3) You’re probably going to be healthier without one
Intimate relationships bring both ups and downs to life. Some of those downs can include heartache or stress.
Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why research has found that unmarried people tend to be healthier than their married counterparts.
As highlighted by Oprah Daily:
“People who were single and had never married exercised more frequently every week than married folks in a survey of over 13,000 people. Single women were found to have lower BMIs and risks associated with smoking and alcohol than married women, according to a 2017 study published in the Journal of Women’s Health.”
Without a man in your life, you may just take better care of yourself.
4) Love comes in many forms
We all need human relationships and love in our life.
As Emiliana Simon-Thomas, PhD, Science Director of the Greater Good Science Center at The University of California, Berkeley, puts it:
“Human beings are an ultra-social species — and our nervous systems expect to have others around us,”
But whilst being around others makes us healthier and happier, those strong connections can come from a variety of sources. Romantic love is far from the be-all and end-all.
The love and connection from friendships, family, and community can be just as rewarding in your life as the love of a man.
We shouldn’t limit ourselves to only finding happiness in romantic relationships, because it comes in many packages.
5) The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself
I’m not trying to sound like a Hallmark’s Christmas movie, but it’s totally true…
The most significant relationship you will ever experience throughout your entire life is the one with yourself.
It’s also the only one guaranteed to be with you from the cradle to the grave. This relationship can never be taken away from you.
I’m not going to tell you that you must learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Because I don’t think that’s even strictly true.
But what is true is that the better your relationship is with yourself, the easier it will be to have healthy, strong, and happy relationships with others in your life.
That’s why it should always be your primary focus. The more you develop your own self-love and self-esteem, the less likely you are to feel the need to have a man in your life to offer you validation.
6) You can focus on your goals
Whether it’s your career, your passions, or your ambitions, not having a man in your life can give you the time, energy and focus to put your attention elsewhere.
Sometimes we can find ourselves hiding in relationships rather than rolling up our sleeves and doing the work. Romantic relationships take dedication and can be a distraction.
Without a man in your life, your time is your own. You can devote it to your own growth and development.
The decisions you make can be gloriously selfish and devoted solely to what is best for you.
Being single can actually help to make you more successful.
According to Business Insider single people tend to be more sociable, have more free time, spend more time on leisure, and have fewer legal liabilities.
7) You’ll recognize the importance of financial independence
One thing that many women can safely say today is something that our ancestors could not. You do not need a man in order to provide for yourself.
Countless women throughout the ages have had no other choice than to find a man and get married, simply in order to survive.
Without the option to work and provide for herself, she relied on being under a man’s roof for basics like safety and shelter.
Not only have times changed, but research has even found that women tend to have bigger salaries when they are single, compared to married women.
Not relying on anyone else and discovering your financial independence proves to yourself that you don’t need a man.
8) You learn to fulfill your own needs
Your financial needs aren’t the only ones that you learn to fulfill as a single woman.
True independence is about knowing how to meet your own needs in life, no matter whether they are physical, financial, emotional, or more.
What does it mean when a woman says she doesn’t need a man? It certainly doesn’t mean she is a man-hater or even that she doesn’t want a man in her life.
Neither does it mean not getting support or help — because we all need that.
But it’s about proving to yourself that you can rely on yourself to navigate any situation you may find yourself in.
Whether it’s something practical like fixing your own car brakes (Yep, I did this once with the help of a Youtube video) or knowing how to self-soothe, self-validate and boost yourself up.
It’s empowering when you stop looking to others and start realizing that you can be responsible for your own needs rather than shifting that responsibility onto someone else.
9) You understand the power of time alone
Learning to feel truly comfortable when you are alone is huge.
There’s a big difference between being lonely and being alone. Chronic loneliness isn’t good for us. But pushing past a certain amount of discomfort that can arise from being alone is.
It’s very easy to seek distraction in life — rather than sitting still, being with ourselves and our emotions and thoughts.
We can become so busy trying to fill every second of our day with things that we forget to sit still and just be.
When we’re alone, we have the opportunity to really reflect on who we are and what matters most to us. It’s an invaluable gift.
It’s harder to understand yourself when you don’t spend quality time with yourself. Not having a man in your life can open you up to other sides of self-exploration.
10) Because there’s more to life than finding a man
Although the rom-coms would try to have us believe otherwise, there’s far more to life than simply finding a man.
How much more?
Well, research has highlighted how being married only accounts for 2 percent of subjective well-being later in life. So arguably the other 98% of fulfillment is coming from elsewhere.
It comes from finding a true purpose, it comes from building strong social relationships, it comes from having a healthy body and mind, it comes from 1001 life experiences that are awaiting us all.
In the words of author Emery Allen:
“There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else.
“Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot.
“Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise.”
How can I stop needing a man?
Need and want are two very different things.
When it comes to feeling like we need a romantic partner to function, you start to cross into codependency territory.
Whilst having a significant other in your life can bring much joy, looking to a man to make you happy is always going to trip you up.
If you are seeking happiness through a relationship, then you will end up disappointed. You’ll never get real fulfillment and contentment if you look to one person to give it to you.
Instead, focus on developing yourself as a person first. Then, you won’t need a man to “complete you”.
You’ll be able to enjoy the benefits of a fulfilling partnership without making your entire existence dependent on another human being.
If you’re struggling to let go of the feeling that you need a man in your life, here are some steps you can take:
Look at your beliefs about yourself, relationships, and love
Lurking in the subconscious of our minds are countless stories we have formed about ourselves and our place in the world.
These go on to create the beliefs we hold, which silently shape our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
But actually, a lot of these beliefs aren’t true.
We’ve just assumed them to be true from limited experiences or have been taught them by the people in our lives, and society in general.
They’re not necessarily based on facts or reality. And whatsmore, they can be harmful to us.
For example, maybe you believe that you’re not truly worthy unless you have a man in your life. Or you think that without someone by your side you’re bound to fail.
To break free of unhelpful beliefs, you need to question the beliefs you hold about yourself and the ideas you have about relationships and love which could be holding you back.
Stop expecting too much from relationships
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard? Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
You might tell yourself that you don’t need a man, but still struggle to really accept and believe that on a deeper level.
So you continue to place too high expectations on a man to meet your needs, only for them to be dashed, over and over again.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for, and continuing to feel horrible about things like not meeting the right guys.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
Fill in the gaps of your life
Self-responsibility is the key to not needing a man.
My friend rather jokingly commented on his Instagram the other day that “Life is boring when you don’t have a crush to be delusional about”.
There’s a lot of truth in that.
We all need to accept that part of our obsession with romantic love is the undeniable high it can sometimes bring.
But it is by no means the only thing that creates that feeling in your life. Plus that high is always going to be temporary.
Building up your interests, career, friendships, etc helps to minimize the emphasis you put on any one person or thing.
That’s why working towards a full and balanced life can help to create an ‘I don t need a man’ mentality.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.