9 surprising reasons she never texts you first (and what to do about it)

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Love is a contact sport and there are no two ways about that.

It can feel incredible waking up in the middle of the night thinking about them, or checking your phone randomly during the middle of the day to see if you have texts or calls from them.

However, people can be fickle and you might find yourself in a situation where she may never be texting you first.

When she never initiates contact, it can make you overthink and even question the nature of your relationship.

If you feel like she’s not initiating conversations or that she never texts first, there can be a variety of reasons across a spectrum from innocent causes all the way up to reasons worth discussing.

Here are 9 reasons why this might be the case.

1) She’s Not Excited About You or Interested in the Relationship

No matter how you feel about her, it’s not necessary that she feels the same way about you entirely.

Sure, she may come out to meet you when you plan a date, and everything may seem perfect when you give her a call.

But if she’s not actively trying to initiate conversations, the reason might be the most obvious one – she just might not be interested in you or the relationship.

Classic signs of this situation can be seen from the tone she uses when she replies to you.

If she seems to give short replies or you see her online but hasn’t replied to your texts, it might mean that she doesn’t see value in talking to you or investing in the relationship.

She may even be hoping that by remaining closed off, you may take the hint and lose interest in her as well.

Alternatively, it could also be that she’s totally into you but finds conversations with you to be way too boring.

These conflicting thoughts in her head may be the reason that she never texts you first, as she’s caught in between two worlds.

2) She Doesn’t Think You’re Worth the Effort

The hallmarks of a successful relationship are time, effort, commitment, and reciprocation.

These are all valuable commodities in a relationship built out of love.

However, when the two of you are still getting to know each other, it might be the case that she may not believe that you’re worth the effort.

Even if you’re doing everything for her and are ready to commit yourself to her, she may not be there yet.

If she isn’t convinced that you’re worth her time and effort, then it may be your responsibility to prove your value through your actions and communicate the same with her.

If you still feel like she never texts you first despite letting her know how you feel, it may be that she simply values her time more than you.

3) She’s Testing You to See if You’ll Text First

Most romantic relationships are a dance between two partners – they constantly come closer and pull away to see if the other side misses their presence.

Maybe she’s stopping herself from texting you to see if you’ll do it first.

It’s a tricky policy that’s common amongst many women as they want to know for sure that you’re not afraid to make the first moves in the relationship.

The best thing you can do in such situations is to show that you’re ready to commit to her and that you do miss her.

By giving her the time and reassurance, it’s likely that she’ll warm up to you and will start initiating conversations sooner or later.

4) She Thinks She Would Be Wasting Your Time

Women can be extremely caring and loving when it comes to the people they love, and this can manifest in different ways.

One of the most tell-tale signs that she loves you is when she values your time.

It may be possible that she feels that texting you could distract you from your work and she may be worried that she would be wasting your time.

If you’ve been together for a while and you’ve been consumed by a busy schedule, she may be waiting for you to text her so that she knows you’re free and she’s not hampering your productivity.

Believe it or not, she may not be texting you first simply because she respects your schedule and doesn’t want to bug you while you’re working.

The best way to get her to text first is to dissuade any notions that she would be bothering and let her know that you would love it if she texts you even during the middle of the day.

5) She’s Unsure of Her Feelings for You

It can be extremely difficult for a woman to understand the exact feelings that she has for you.

When she’s not sure what you mean to her, it can be hard for her to hold meaningful conversations with you.

She will text you first if she has a strong, impulsive, and positive gut feeling when she thinks about you.

She might not text like you as she used to if she suddenly loses feelings for you.

If you get the impression that she’s not actively trying to start conversations, try giving her a little time so that she can figure out her feelings.

She will appreciate your patience and commitment and once she has made up her mind, she will be hitting you up at random times of the day.

Communicating how you feel about her could really help her know what you want from her.

6) She Has a Hectic Daily Routine

Balancing work life and personal life can be a tough task for most people.

This is especially true in the case of women who have a career that demands a lot of their time and attention.

This is perhaps one of the most honest and innocent reasons why she’s not texting you first – she has a lot of stuff on her plate and a hectic daily routine that requires her full attention.

Whether it’s pressure from school or work, handling a business, or simply her being a workaholic on a clock, you need to understand that she may be going through a lot that exhausts her energy.

During tough times like these, just being there for her and letting her know that you’re available to talk when she’s free would be good enough for her.

If she really values you, she will get her things sorted and ensure that you have her attention the moment she finds some spare time.

7) Texting Isn’t Her Style

Each person has their own love language – while you may be super enthusiastic about texting her all day long, texting may simply be not her style.

There are quite a few women who hate the idea of texting because it makes the conversation seem impersonal to them.

She might be a person who values quality time spent face-to-face rather than over a device.

Try to see if she seems happy, cheerful, or excited about the prospect of meeting you and talking to you.

If so, then you can either understand that she’s not a texter or if it means that much to you, then you can let her know that you love seeing her text pop up on your phone in the middle of the day.

Whatever the case is, communication and understanding are key for a healthy relationship to flourish.

8) She’s Hesitant About Getting Attached to You

It’s quite possible that she may be afraid of texting you first because she’s scared of getting attached to you.

She may have had a history of bad experiences of feeling abandoned after getting close to someone she cared about.

It might also be possible that thoughts about you remind her of those bad relationships.

Getting her to open up and be vulnerable with you will require her to trust you, and she may be afraid of repeating the same cycle of events that had hurt her.

In these circumstances, she may not be texting you first to ensure that she doesn’t put herself out there.

But by showing your loyalty and love for her, you can slowly gain her trust and make her concerns vanish.

9) She May Be Shy or Introverted

Introverts have a different type of social battery.

If she is shy or an introvert, it couldn’t just be because she doesn’t like you but because she needs time to herself to recharge her social battery.

Their penchant for loving their own company at times can cause them to become oblivious to the people in their social life and that shows in their pattern of texting as well.

If she’s an introvert and you spam her inbox with constant messages, she may feel overwhelmed by the obligation to respond to you, let alone text you first.

Instead, if you take a step back and let her come to you, it’s almost guaranteed that she will find a way to talk to you on her own accord.

Just ensure that she knows that you’re always open to talking and will wait until she’s free or ready to do so.

Over time, you may even see that she’s the one to text you first.

Okay, so now you know some reasons why she’s not texting you first, let’s talk about what you can do to get her to text you first.

Before we start, it’s important to realize that sometimes it can be difficult to get a girl to text you first. Some girls are just used to only texting when a man texts them. It’s just the way they’re wired. But as time goes on in your relationship with this girl, you need to figure out how you can get her to text you first to make the relationship more balanced.

It’s not impossible, and in fact, some of the below tips will help to strengthen your bond which naturally leads her to text you first.

So let’s go. Follow these tips if you want her to text you first.

3 Steps to Get Her to Text You First

1) Plant the thought of texting you first in her head

Simple, but effective.

When you meet her in person, and you have a conversation about what you guys are going to do together next weekend, tell her to “text you what time is good for her”.

In fact, this strategy can be used in many different scenarios.

If she lets you know that there is a restaurant she wants to check out, you can say, “text me the address”.

Or, “Don’t forget to text me that name of the book you mentioned and I’ll check it out when I’m home”.

2) Leave out important parts of a story

When you’re telling her a story, leave out important points in your stories. These are almost like cliffhangers.

You could say, “I tried to have a productive day at work, but my boss kept calling me about this one huge problem he is having…so I didn’t get much work done”.

Or, “Last night I had drinks with my buddies and the funniest thing ever happened, but that’s why I’m a bit hungover today”.

If you can leave the conversation after that, you can guarantee she will want to text you first to ask about what that problem or funny thing is that happened.

3) Give it more time

Don’t text her every day and see what happens. If you give it more time between texts, then she may cave in and text you, especially if she likes you.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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