It’s something guys all around the world do time and time again:
They pursue or chase a woman, doing and saying everything they can to make her feel like she means the world to them, and then once they’ve finally had a chance to sleep with her, their interest disappears almost immediately.
Why do they do it? Is it just a giant game to men all over? Is it just to feed their ego, knowing they can get any woman they want if they try hard enough?
While it might be an ego issue for some, there are other possible reasons why a man might lose interest after the pursuit of a woman is finally over.
Here are 10 reasons why guys lose interest after the chase:
1) He Wasn’t That Interested, To Begin With
Before anything else, you have to ask yourself one question: has this guy really changed so much?
It’s completely possible that he was never very interested, to begin with, and the chase might have been something all in your mind.
And now that you two have slept together, you’re just now finally seeing him for who he’s always been: someone only half-interested in being with you.
Ask yourself: how much attention did he really give you before you let him into your bed?
Was he really trying, or was it just your own thrill of being flirted with by someone new that made it feel more like a chase than it actually was?
2) You’re Not a Challenge Anymore
One of the easiest explanations as to why a man uses interest in a woman after the chase is down is as simple as that: the chase is done, so why does he need to keep chasing?
Being with you wasn’t his end goal; his end goal was having been with you.
You were just another notch on his bedpost that he was determined to acquire from the moment he first laid eyes on you, no matter how difficult that may have been.
And now that he’s had you, he might be interested in sleeping with you a few more times, but ultimately his new fascination will fall onto his next potential conquest.
And it’s not personal; it never was.
He just never really saw you as a potential partner, nor will he ever see anyone that way for a while.
3) He’s Seen the Mystery Behind the Curtain
There’s a possibility that he wasn’t just doing the chase for the hell of it, and he actually did consider the possibility of having something more than just a crazy one-night stand with you.
But some men are too romantic for their own good, and even the slightest flaw can make them feel like they want to get out of the situation.
Simply put, now that he’s had a peek behind the curtain, he no longer finds the mystery in your relationship.
He might feel guilty, knowing he said more than he actually meant just to get you in bed, and he’ll regret walking out on you.
But whether he walks out on you right after that night, or a few weeks after, he’ll still eventually decide this wasn’t what he was looking for.
4) There Was Something Wrong With the Sex
Some of them might actually be interested in the real thing — a possible relationship.
So why would they leave right after taking you to bed?
It’s possible that they just didn’t enjoy having sex with you.
There might have been something off with the experience, something wrong that bugged them in a way they couldn’t get over.
But instead of having the courage to tell you what that might have been, they would rather pretend everything went well and simply avoid you for the foreseeable future.
5) He Doesn’t Actually Like You Too Much As a Person
When we’re involved in “the chase”, neither of us are really our normal selves.
The chaser and the chasee both end up playing certain roles, just to increase the intrigue and sexual teasing.
So it’s difficult to get to know someone for who they really are when you’re in the middle of the game; you don’t really know who they are, and they don’t know who you are as well.
But once you’ve spent a night together and you wake up together the next morning, the “chase” has come to an end and you both slowly stop playing your characters.
It’s only then that he might realize — I don’t actually like this woman.
There might be a dozen things he finds unlikable about you, or just one; whatever it is, he soon realized that he’s not really into you as an individual.
6) Your Attachment Styles Are Incompatible
We all have our own attachment styles or the way we behave when we start falling into an intimate relationship.
Some of us have a secure attachment style, making us the perfect partner who wants to cook, share experiences, and just spread love to their spouse.
Others naturally have less positive attachment styles — the anxious attachment style leads to people being clingy, and the avoidant attachment style leads to people running away when things start to feel too intimate.
It’s totally possible that he simply has an avoidant attachment style, and once he started having real feelings for you, it was his natural instinct to get out of the relationship and end it before it ever had a chance to begin.
7) He Forgot What Makes You Great
The closer we get to a person, the easier it is to stop seeing who they are.
The phrase “Don’t miss the forest for the trees” applies in relationships.
Becoming intimate with a person and deeply connecting with them can help some people bond, but for others, it can make you lose sight of who the person really is, and forget what attracted you to them in the first place.
This is a common reason why men lose interest in women after the chase is done.
Even if they did genuinely like the woman during the chase, sleeping and spending a night with them too early in the relationship made the man change the way he saw the woman.
Instead of seeing a potential partner with awesome interests and amazing qualities, now all he saw was just another woman he slept with, like every other woman in his past.
This is one reason why it’s usually recommended not to sleep with someone too soon, especially if you actually want to build something with them.
8) He is scared of commitment
Many men struggle with the idea of losing their freedom.
Maybe they are young and they want to test out the waters before they decide to settle down.
Perhaps they find the “courting” stage thrilling but see the “stable relationship phase” as boring.
So when it moves beyond the initial attraction stage, they start to act distant.
Some men don’t have serious long-term relationships until they’re well into their 30s. It’s actually more common than you might think.
So what does this mean for you?
The more time he spends with you, the more he’ll understand that his freedom actually isn’t being compromised.
But it’s up to you to make him realize that.
One counter-intuitive way to do this is to make him feel like someone you genuinely trust and respect.
When a man feels like this, not only does it feel like he has the freedom to do whatever he wants to do, but it triggers something deep inside him.
There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology called the hero instinct.
The theory claims that men want to be your hero. That they want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide for and protect her.
This is deeply rooted in male biology.
The kicker is that a man will act distant when he doesn’t feel like your everyday hero.
I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.
If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept.
9) You Became a Different Person
It’s not always the man’s fault why he lost interest after the chase.
Ask yourself — did he lose interest because the chase was over, or did he lose interest because you changed?
As we said earlier, we tend to play certain roles when we get involved in a chase with another person.
And when that chase is over, the facade fades away and all that is left is the real person.
But what if the real person — you — is so far away from who you were pretending to be, that it’s like you’re now a completely different person entirely?
He might be in love with the person you were pretending to be, or even a person similar to that, but the woman you are now is completely the opposite in every way.
It’s like being emotionally catfished; you’re not the person he signed up for.
10) You Went Too Hard, Too Fast
The chase is fun for both the man and the woman, but when the chase is finally over, both parties have to confront the reality:
There’s a potential relationship here, and is this something they both want to do?
While you might have been interested in turning this fun and sexy chase into something deeper and more meaningful, it may have been that exact eagerness that turned him off; maybe you went too hard, too fast.
It’s completely possible that you simply showed all your cards right away, maybe because you were afraid he was going to leave immediately after the chase was done.
So you tried to trap him into a relationship of some kind; maybe you overwhelmed him with potential dates and plans, maybe you were already talking about being with him months (or years) down the line.
He may have been perfectly fine with the idea of slowly building something with you, but overzealousness is the quickest way to make someone think you might be too much.
If you think he might actually love you but is scared to fall for you because you’ve gone too fast, then you might relate to the signs in the below video:
11) He’s Just a Professional Player, and There’s Nothing More You Can Do
It’s the last thing you want to hear but the simplest reason why he lost interest after the chase?
This is something he does for the thrill of it, over and over and over again.
From the first time he saw you, he knew that you were going to be another woman to chase.
So he said and did all the right things to make you believe this could be something more, to make you believe that he was interested in something more than just sleeping with you.
Now that it’s over, you can see it with absolute clarity.
He might’ve just been a professional player this entire time, and he had just enough game to convince you it was for real.
While there’s not much you can do about it now, you can use this to help you judge the next man who begins his chase for you.
What to do when a man loses interest
You might be feeling terrible that a guy was acting keenly on you, but now he isn’t.
Maybe you thought you had something special going on, or perhaps you’ve fallen for him hard.
But here’s what you need to know:
Just because he is losing interest in you doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
If you really want this guy to like you back and actually commit, then here are some tips to work through this challenge:
1. Communicate with him (in this way)
Space? Absolutely. Silence? Not so much.
In fact, giving him space doesn’t mean not seeing him, either.
It means understanding his need to spend time apart from each other, but it doesn’t mean that if he wants to meet up with you that you should say no.
Should you message him online? Definitely. Just don’t act needy and don’t pressure him to move fast with your relationship.
Be relaxed and chat with him like he is your buddy.
If he’s acting distant then he may not be as forthcoming with his replies as you like, but that’s okay.
Don’t panic. Remember you’re giving him space to allow him to work through his feelings.
Sometimes guys lose interest because they’re scared of commitment or they don’t know how to act.
The simple truth is that you have to communicate with him in a way he understands.
Male and female brains are different and this affects how we speak to each other.
For instance, the limbic system is the emotional processing center of the brain and it’s much larger in the female brain than in a man’s.
That’s why women are more in touch with their emotions. And why guys can struggle to process their feelings and communicate in a healthy way with their partner.
I learned this from relationship guru Carlos Cavallo. He’s one of the world’s leading experts on male psychology and what men want from relationships.
If your man won’t commit or is pulling away then you’ll want to watch this simple and genuine video from Carlos.
Most men don’t think about commitment in a logical way. Because men are mainly concerned with how the relationship makes them feel about themselves.
Carlos Cavallo will show you a really simple and genuine way to make him feel like he’s won the game of love with you.
2. Don’t get angry with him
If you’re frustrated because he has withdrawn from you, try to not let that frustration show.
It’s easy to pin the blame on others when things don’t go your way, but it won’t do anything to help you move your relationship forward.
Getting emotional will actually have the opposite effect of pushing him away further.
If he has lost interest in you because he doesn’t like you, then there might not be much you can do about it.
On the other hand, if he is a player or he is scared of commitment, then if you act cool about it, he may eventually come around to wanting to date you.
So instead, try to show compassion. Imagine if you were experiencing strong emotions that were totally foreign to you and you didn’t know how to process them.
Let him know that’s okay for him to take his time with processing his emotions.
He’s most likely confused by his feelings, or is fearful of rejection, or is finding it difficult to transition from one lifestyle to another, so try to act positive with him. Be kind.
If you take it easy with him and give him space, he’ll come around quick enough.
Don’t withdraw and follow his lead (that will just make things worse).
Keep in contact (keep it casual) and let him know that you’re always there for him. If he can trust you and feels comfortable around you, then he might open up to you in ways you can’t imagine.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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