11 surprising reasons your ex is ignoring you (and what to do about it)

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Interacting with an ex is always a tricky thing for a lot of people.

The emotional baggage, the memories, the things left unsaid – a lot is going on underneath the surface, and that means that things between you and your ex can get a little confusing.

All that can come to a head once your ex just starts ignoring you.

It doesn’t matter if you agreed to stay in contact or cut things off completely: just being treated like you don’t exist is going to hurt.

Here are 10 possible reasons why your ex has suddenly decided to give you the cold shoulder:

1) They’re Not Available

People react to breakups in all sorts of ways.

Some internalize and stay by themselves for a while, contemplating what-ifs and whodunnits.

Others throw themselves back into their single lives, doing things by themselves and generally distracting themselves from what happened.

All of this means that there’s always a point after every breakup that someone is genuinely unreachable – they could be elbow-deep in some paint trying to refurbish a room or skydiving out of airplanes.

And that often means that the last thing that’s on their minds is their phone.

2) They’re Being Sensitive

Breakups come in all shapes and sizes.

There are the ones where you part ways amicably as friends, and there are the ones that you’d rather not speak of to friends and family.

Everyone gets their fair share of “good” and “bad” breakups – but what most people tend to forget is what comes afterward.

If your ex is ignoring you, it could be because they’re just trying not to give away mixed signals or bring up things from the breakup that are better left unsaid.

Or they could also be sensitive to anything that you might bring up yourself and may be protecting themselves from any more hurt feelings.

Either way, being sensitive after a breakup means not establishing contact, and sometimes you’re just the unlucky person that wasn’t informed.

3) They’re Investing More Time Into Themselves

If there’s one possible silver lining to a breakup, it’s all the free time you have for yourself.

People often underestimate how much they end up spending on their significant other – and during breakups, that time is now all theirs once again.

For a lot of people, this “me time” is just enjoying the time they have on their own. And sometimes, that means they’re going to ignore you.

This isn’t always a bad thing, as it could be a sign that you should be investing some of your free time back into yourself as well.

4) They’re Following The Post-Breakup Rules You Set

With the different types of breakups come the different types of reactions.

Some couples choose to simply give each other space, while others try to make it as friends.

Others may just go about their lives pretending that the relationship never happened, while some stay very involved with each other, either because of proximity or work.

The point is, there’s usually a set of rules (sometimes unspoken) that all couples go through post-breakup.

These rules and the heightened emotions after a breakup are always in opposition to one another and there are times that either of you will slip up.

If your ex is ignoring you, it could be that they’re just following the agreements you set after your breakup.

You’re not any less for breaking them yourself – but you have to understand that they’re playing by the rules both of you set.

5) Want Advice Specific To Your Situation?

While this article explores the main reasons your ex is ignoring you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like why your ex is ignoring you and how you can them back. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

6) They’re Trying To Figure Out The Best Response

Some people are great communicators, able to say exactly what is on their minds when a response is needed.

Others may take some time to mull over anything they say before saying anything.

In a post-breakup relationship, responses play a huge role in how well both parties move forward – and some people take this very seriously.

A seen message isn’t always an indicator that you’re being ignored.

Sometimes it just means that the person on the other end is trying to think of the best response, and all you have to do is to sit and wait.

7) They’re In A Crisis

Life’s full of unexpected moments.

It’s impossible to anticipate everything that’s ever going to happen to you every day: and then there are the moments that you can’t anticipate.

These events take us out of the running for a good long while and then some: and most of the time, other people are the last thing on our mind.

If your ex suddenly starts ignoring your texts, it could be that they’re in the middle of something serious and don’t have the time to respond.

It may not always be something very bad, but it may be something that requires their full, undivided attention.

Keep in mind that all you can really do in this situation is to wait.

You’re not the most important person or thing in their life right now – and trying to force yourself as something that needs their attention can do more harm than good.

8) They’re Trying To Gauge How Much You Want To Talk To Them

It can be difficult to parse out someone’s intentions over a message – and yet sometimes, it’s all that we have to work with when talking to someone.

Not getting a response is a response in itself, and that’s something that people have to be keenly aware of whenever they communicate.

For some exes, a message is a way to gauge someone’s intentions: and not getting a response is a check to see how much you want to talk to them.

This isn’t always a good thing as sometimes exes do play games: being hard to get, seeing how much you miss them before they actually respond.

Being ignored can sometimes be a test of how far you’re willing to go to reestablish contact with your ex, and the lengths that you’ll go to will be measured against how likely (and what type) of response you’ll get.

It’s up to you to decide whether you want to stick with that measure.

If you do decide to talk to them, you have to ask yourself if you want them back or not.

If you do want them back, how can you go about it?

In this situation, there’s only one thing to do – re-spark their romantic interest in you.

I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.

In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.

No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.

Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.

9) They’re Trying To Get Back At You For Something

Being ignored is an extension of making someone feel alone, and often it’s one of the best ways that someone can make someone feel terrible.

Sometimes a message that has no response is the clearest way of saying “I don’t think you’re worth my time.”

It’s a move that’s deliberately done to hurt your feelings, and with a bitter ex or a bad breakup, you can expect this to be done quite frequently.

It’s not always deserved and sometimes it’s done for a good reason, but it can and sometimes does happen.

10) They’re Seeing Someone Else

Everyone moves on at different speeds.

Some may require some downtime before they see someone else again, while others jump into the dating pool immediately.

And while the general opinion may differ depending on the person, one of the things that can always be difficult to talk about when getting into a new relationship is what happened to the old one.

So people looking to date after a breakup avoid the issue entirely – and often that means ignoring the ex.

There can be quite a few reasons for this: some people don’t want the past to be confused with the present, or the new person in their life doesn’t want you in it.

Either way, you’re going to be ignored.

It’s painful, but this is possibly one of the clearest signs that you should leave your ex alone.

Sometimes this ban on your existence doesn’t last forever, but for now, your ex thinks you’re better off out of sight and out of mind.

11) They Don’t Want To Talk To You Anymore

A breakup is all about two people going their separate ways – and it’s not always a guarantee that they’ll see eye to eye on how far they want to stay away from each other.

For some people, the more distance the better: and for even more, permanent distance is the best.

It’s painful to hear, but one of the reasons why your ex is ignoring you might be because they don’t want to talk to you anymore.

It’s painful because this person who’s been such a presence in your life has decided that you no longer belong in theirs; and as much as you’d like to appeal or change that decision at all, there’s nothing you can do about it.

Not wanting to talk to someone doesn’t mean that they’ll pretend that you never existed (although sometimes it can be that way) but it’s a conscious reminder that where they’re going has no place for you anymore.

Now if they’re ignoring, but you want them back, then you’ll need a concrete plan of how you’ll make it happen.

And the best person to turn to is Brad Browning.

No matter how ugly the breakup was, how hurtful the arguments were, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good. 

So, if you’re tired of missing your ex and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice. 

Here’s the link to his free video once again.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers).

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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