Every guy is different and has his reasons for running away from a potential new relationship.
Some are more obvious than others.
Here are 10 surprising reasons a guy might reject you – even though he has the hots for you.
1) He thinks you’re too negative
So you felt like things were going well with a guy and it seems like he likes you, but he’s told you he doesn’t want things to go any further romantically.
One reason he might be put off from committing might be around your outlook.
Now, this might be something he doesn’t want to tell you because he’s afraid of hurting your feelings, so have a think yourself about whether this could be true.
When you’re with him, do you find yourself:
- Moaning about situations
- Talking excessively about other people
- Making comments about how rubbish life is
Think about how often these sorts of thoughts crop up.
Even if he’s not necessarily a happy-go-lucky kind of person, any of these behaviors could be draining for him and cause him to reject you.
Think about it: it’s a drain on a person if another is just bringing loads of negativity to the table.
While you might come away from time with him feeling lighter because you’ve got all of your thoughts off your chest, he might feel heavier because he feels like you’ve dumped on him.
Of course, it’s natural to want to vent about things occasionally – and you should be able to feel like you can do that with someone close to you – but there is such a thing as being too negative.
Simply put, your negativity could be a turn-off for this guy.
But, ultimately, you need to ask yourself whether you want to be with someone who doesn’t accept you for who you are.
You want to be with a guy who accepts your approach to life and is tolerant of the things you need to work through – not someone who rejects you because they think you’re too negative.
2) He doesn’t like your independence
Your independence might have been a big turn on for this guy when you first met.
Perhaps he loved the fact you were comfortable traveling solo, that you lived by yourself, or that you took yourself off for a drink on your own every now and then.
He might have made this known to you on numerous occasions – telling you he admires the way you are. He might have even said that he wishes he could be more like you and confident being by himself.
While getting to know you, he might have genuinely thought your quality of independence was highly attractive…
…But, as his feelings for you have developed, he might have changed his stance. Your independence might have made him feel anxious.
The anxiety could be triggered by numerous reasons; his own insecurities could be causing him to fear that you’ll run off or not need him. He might be worried that you’ll meet someone else on one of your adventures.
This guy could have pulled back, even though he likes you, because he’s found himself wondering whether he could actually be with someone who is so independent.
There’s a chance that a guy has rejected you because he thinks you’re too independent.
But don’t change who you are!
Independence is an amazing quality that many people admire.
Don’t change yourself for someone else – or stop doing something you want to do because of someone else.
If a guy isn’t able to allow you to be your full self, which might include you taking yourself off from time to time to do what you want, then you don’t want to be with them. That’s my opinion, at least.
You deserve your independence in a relationship, otherwise, it will become suffocating over time and you’ll lose your sense of self.
…And that’s not a recipe for a healthy relationship.
In my opinion, maintaining your independence in a relationship is necessary and should be celebrated.
3) He thinks you have too many friends
Are you a social butterfly?
Maybe you have a big circle of friends that you’ve carried from your school days or you have an amazing ability to pick up new friends as you go through life.
Think about it: how many new friends have you picked up in the last six months, year or few years?
In my experience, I can think about friends I’ve picked up from work, from hobbies and wellness activities. I love connecting with new people all the time and I personally think it’s a great trait!
Do you find yourself bringing new people into your world regularly – and going on coffee dates, days out of even holidays with your new friends.
To a guy, this could be intimidating and even cause him to reject you.
He might feel overwhelmed by your amount of friends, or even like he’s a loser for not having as many friends or your natural ability to attract new people.
There’s a chance he could be thinking you won’t have time for him if you get into a serious relationship, and that he’ll be second best to your active social life.
If he’s rejecting you on this basis, then he’s clearly being emotionally immature. An open conversation would allow you two to get clear on what you expect from the relationship.
A mature guy should feel comfortable expressing what he would like from the relationship and not just assume that you two won’t work from his projections.
Truth is, you want to be with someone who’s able to communicate effectively, which will allow you to design a healthy relationship that works for you both.
4) He has self-esteem issues
Even though this guy quite clearly likes you, there’s the potential he might reject you because of his self-esteem issues.
Through your actions and words, you might have shown him that you’re serious about being with him and that you only have eyes for him.
You might tell him he’s the most handsome guy and express that you think he’s great, but if he has self-esteem issues he won’t see this for what it is.
He might think you’re just saying it for the sake of it, and not believe that you truly mean it.
It’s really unfortunate when this is the case. It’s sad, even.
If a guy is rejecting you while he obviously likes you, it might be because his mind is wandering to thoughts that he’s just not good enough for you; he might wonder why you like him and think that you’ll leave him for someone else eventually anyway.
And, if this is the case, it’s not as simple as just affirming that he is good enough for you and telling him not to worry.
You see, self-esteem issues run deep.
They can be traced back to childhood, and they require an individual to, first, recognize they exist and, secondly, put the work in to change their perspective.
These issues can be worked on inside a relationship. In fact, relationships can be incredibly healing for many wounds. But the person has to be willing to put the work in!
You don’t want to be with a guy who’s rejecting you because he’s scared, but doesn’t recognize why.
5) He isn’t sure if you actually like him
You might be feeling upset that this guy has rejected you – because it seems like he likes you and, well, you like him too.
You might have been falling hard for him.
But does he actually know how you feel about him?
Have you told him how you feel or are you just assuming that he knows – based on your words and actions?
Guys often need things spelled out to them.
By this, I mean they literally need someone to state things explicitly how they are.
In other words, you need to say: I like you and I want to be with you.
Don’t just assume that a guy knows how you’re feeling; the chances are, they don’t!
They’re probably thinking the exact opposite to what you are… and their mind is going to all sorts of creative places. For example, they might just think you’re not interested at all.
And because of that, they don’t bother pursuing you.
Meanwhile, he might actually be falling for you too…
If you think this could be the case, don’t underestimate the power of an honest conversation about your feelings! Be brave and be the one to initiate it.
Think about it: what do you have to lose and what do you have to gain?
6) He thinks you’re into someone else
In addition to wondering if you actually like him, this guy might have constructed a narrative that you’re into someone else.
He might have convinced himself of this – and, for that reason, he’s rejecting you so he doesn’t get hurt.
The rejection could be his defense mechanism; he might think that he is protecting himself from pain down the line.
To you, this might be baffling – especially if you were actually really into him and not keen on anyone else. But it’s amazing how creative the mind can be!
Now, there are a couple of reasons why his mind might be at this place.
One could be because of his esteem issues, which we’ve already spoken about.
He could be thinking that it’s likely you like someone else because they’re better looking or you seem to laugh more around them.
But another reason might be because you’ve shared thoughts about other guys in the past to him.
This could have come about if you two were friends before you started developing feelings for one another. You might have confided in each other about different things, including how you fancied other people.
Whether or not it was one month or one year ago, it may have planted the seed that you’re into other people and not him.
Simply put: he could be rejecting you because he thinks that other people are on the scene and that your attention is with other people.
It’s wrong of him to make this assumption and a shame if he rejects you on this basis.
The best thing you can do is to express your feelings to help clearly and allow him to grasp where your head is at.
7) You have different opinions about politics
We all know that politics can be incredibly divisive.
Our values and what we believe in are core parts of our identity, so if you and this guy aren’t on the same page, it could be a reason for him to reject you.
You two might have amazing chemistry and laughter together, but if you have radically different views about politics then it could be a make or break for him.
You should think about how you feel about this too. Ask yourself: do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t place importance on the things you do?
If one of you is incredibly liberal and the other conservative, he could be rejecting you on this basis.
Even if you two haven’t had big, heated debates about politics to-date, he could be preempting a future of arguing.
We’re all engaged with politics in different capacities – some people are much more involved in political discussions and impassioned about different topics. He might know how strongly he feels about certain topics and how it’s a non-negotiable that he and a partner share the same values.
In the States, take guns and abortion laws as two examples.
People can have strong opinions about what is right and what is wrong.
Now, if this guy thinks you support stances that he sees as despicable, you can see why he might be rejecting you.
Of course, being with someone who has a different opinion to you might be beneficial to offer a different perspective and to open your mind – but if someone is so set in their ways then this isn’t going to work.
It’s only going to cause endless disputes – and who wants that!
8) Your interests are pretty different
If I guy is rejecting you because you two have different interests, then it just shows that he doesn’t recognize what’s actually important in a relationship.
Although it’s a bonus if two people have similar interests, it’s not necessary for a relationship to be successful.
The foundation of a relationship should be love and care for one another – not whether you have the same interests across the board.
It’s boring if you two are carbon copies of one another!
I have a friend who thinks she’s with Mr. Perfect because they have all of the same interests. They even work in the same industry. But I don’t see this as a marker of a successful relationship.
In my experience, I’ve had to decondition myself from thinking that it’s necessary to share the same interests as my partner.
Before I met my boyfriend, I thought I needed to be with someone who was super spiritual and constantly going deep. But then I met a guy who would almost certainly not describe himself as ‘spiritual’.
What’s more, he loves sports, like rugby and cricket, which I’ve never had an interest in.
On the other hand, I love yoga and playing instruments.
These interests are clearly quite different. But here’s the thing: we just work.
We have the most amazing chemistry; we hold so much space for one another; we’re there to support each other through difficult periods in life. I feel so seen by him and so happy to be around him.
Just because we have different interests doesn’t mean that we’re not compatible.
I personally think it’s a myth that two people need to have similar interests to work.
So, if a guy is rejecting you because he thinks your interests are too different – and he can’t see that it’s not necessary for you two to share the same interests – then it’s his loss for being so narrow-minded and missing what’s important!
9) You’re too judgemental
Remember earlier on when I mentioned that a guy might be rejecting you because you’ve been too negative around him?
Well, another characteristic he might have picked up on, and not like, is that you could be too judgemental.
Think about how you’ve been around him: have there been times when you’ve commented on how other people look or you’ve made a point of saying you hate the way someone goes about a certain thing?
Casting judgment over people isn’t a good trait.
If he’s rejecting you because he doesn’t like this about you, find the positive in the situation.
This is your cue to look inwards and think about why you’ve been like this.
But rather than assuming that this is the reason he has rejected you, ask him what the deal is.
If he tells you that this is the reason he doesn’t want to commit to you, use this insight as an opportunity for your growth.
Rather than feeling upset with yourself, be grateful that he’s been honest enough to tell you, which will allow you to work through it and become a better person for it.
10) He’s threatened by you
Are you doing well in your career, are you surrounded by loads of brilliant friends and just simply in the flow of life?
Good for you, if you are!
And, what’s more, you deserve to be with someone who celebrates all of your wins and thinks you’re just awesome.
But not all guys are like this: some are competitive and even threatened by a partner!
Simply put, a guy might be rejecting you because he’s intimidated by who you are and, frankly, it makes him feel bad about himself.
All of your successes might be highlighting his inadequacies, and that he’s not at the place he wants to be in his life.
Rather than seeing you as a source of inspiration and encouragement, he might be focused on how he just feels so damn bad.
It’s not up to you to change his perspective; this is his journey he needs to go on.
Just remember, you deserve to be with someone who meets you where you are and is your biggest fan!