9 Reasons Women Don’t Hook Up With “Nice Guys”

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a guy wondering why women don't like nice guys

If you’ve ever thought that nice guys finish last, you might be onto something.

Although women claim they want to be with a “nice guy”, they avoid them like the plague. Why? Because “nice guys” are insecure and inauthentic.

Women don’t buy into a guy who is all touchy feely. In fact, most women think it’s pure crap.

Want to know exactly why women don’t want anything to do nice guys? (Sexually. Nice guys make great friends, after all).

Read on!

1) Women Can Smell the Bull From a Mile Away

If you’ve ever been fooled into thinking that your guy is “nice” it’s probably because he was putting on a show for you.

Nice guys try to hide their flaws by overcompensating for them with being nice.

Nice guys are trying to fake it til they make it, and that means that they often slip up, revealing their true selves.

And you know the feeling when someone tells you about a nice guy: you always think, “what’s wrong with him?” Because you know better. You’ve been there. Women can smell crap from a guy like bacon in the morning.

2) Nice Guys Can’t Hear Women

The problem with being a nice guy is that they often don’t hear a woman when she says she isn’t interested in being in a relationship with them.

“But, I’m a nice guy! Why wouldn’t she want to be with me?” seems to roll around in their head a lot.

Nice guys can turn into creeps fast if they don’t take the hint, or if they don’t listen to you when you say “no, thanks.”

It’s probably one of the main reasons why women avoid nice guys in the first place.

If a guy can’t accept that a woman is not interested, things get weird real fast.

But because they are nice, they think she will come around sooner or later. Stop that. She’s not going to come around. Go be nice somewhere else, please.

3) Life Isn’t a Movie

It’s not their fault you know. Nice guys learned to be “nice” by watching television shows and taking in one too many chick flicks on a Friday night.

Romantic comedies are a relationship’s worst nightmare. Nothing in life happens the way it happens in the movies, but we cling to hope that it will someday turn out like that.

And nice guys think they can win girls over by doing things like showing up unexpectedly with food and flowers without discussing it with the woman first.

Yeah, in theory that is great, but women have things to get done. They need a head start if you are coming over. You can’t show up and expect her to drop everything and pine at your feet. It’s needy and totally unappealing.

4) Most females want a guy they can work on

An interesting thing happens when you meet a guy who seems to be genuinely nice: you don’t believe that someone who looks like that could also be kind.


Because from a young age you were told that boys who like girls pick on them, pull their hair, call them names, and throw rocks at them.

No wonder women have trouble trusting men. We’re constantly on the lookout for those rock throwers.

So when we grow up wondering why nice guys are nowhere to be found, it’s not always that you can’t find them, but that you’ve driven them to throw rocks.

Buried deep inside of most women in the belief that love is hard and we should have to work for it.

We need to “convert” men from being headcases to heartthrobs and somewhere along the way women, as a society, have adopted that responsibility and when guys show up already polished and ready to go, we miss the excitement of the project.

It’s not really what you want. You might disagree and say you do just want to meet a nice guy, but the truth is that you already know lots of nice guys. So there’s more to the story than just personality.

5) Women are looking to take care of someone – not the other way round

Women have an innate need to take care of things: babies, dogs, messed up guys their mothers don’t approve of. It’s in our DNA.

We are the caregivers in our communities. We fit that role nicely. So when a guy comes along that has his act together and can take care of us, we don’t really know where to position ourselves in that relationship.

Or, if a guy is just looking out for what’s best for you, then how do you reciprocate?

It’s a tricky place to be that most women don’t stop to think about and blame the fact that there are no nice guys to be had.

What you mean when you say you want to meet a nice guy is that you want to meet a guy who needs you to take care of him. It’s nice to feel wanted, but you can feel wanted and not feel needed at the same time.

6) Nice guys won’t stand up for themselves

This is a generalization but nice guys struggle to stand up for themselves. They’re so afraid of conflict that when someone questions them, they’ll back down even when they know they’re in the right.

A woman looks to a man to protect them, and unfortunately, when nice guys avoid conflict and fail to stand up for themselves and those around them, it shows that when the time comes, they won’t have the lady’s back.

If a woman doesn’t feel safe and comfortable, then she won’t want to be in a relationship with a nice guy.

7) There’s nothing exciting about a nice guy

Sure, there won’t be any conflict when you date a nice guy. They’ll agree with everything you say and you’ll be able to walk all over them. But, let’s be honest, where’s the excitement in that?

Women love to have fun, try new things and experience the thrill that is life.

But with a nice guy, there won’t be many thrills.

8) Nice guys struggle to take control in the bedroom

Women find that strong, assertive men are sexy. They’re able to lead the way in the bedroom and give ultimate pleasure that makes the woman feel comfortable and excited.

But a nice guy has to ask before taking control. And when you have to ask a question during lovemaking, the whole thrill of the moment just disappears.

9) Be gentleMAN, not an insecure “nice guy”

It’s frustrating to think that if the nice guys finish last, what’s left for the rest of the world?

Well, for starters, how about some truth? How about nice guys stop trying to be nice, and start working on be productive, kind, and contributing members of society?

How about they show women how “nice” they are by doing selfless things and acting in a way that isn’t trying to get them laid all the time.

Come on men, have some dignity. There’s a woman out there for you, but you’ll never find her if you keep up this charade of lies.

Nice guys finish last because they aren’t real. Kind men, generous men, gentlemen, are real. Be that and you’ll be well on your way to finding a woman who can appreciate your qualities and your quirks for the rest of your life.

There’s no trick to it really, women just want men to be themselves. It’s hard to keep up the “nice guy” routine after you’ve gotten the girl, so don’t bother with it in the first place.


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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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