8 qualities that make a woman marriage material, according to psychology

They say who we marry is the most important decision we make.

That’s why a lot of us take forever to settle down. We want to be sure we’re ready, and that we’re choosing someone who’s marriage material.

But what does “marriage material” really mean?

While some might think it means a woman should know how to cook and tend a garden, what it really means is having a set of relationship skills to maintain a marriage.

In this article, I will share to you 8 qualities of a woman that makes a woman marriage material, according to psychology.

1) She knows how to commit

Based on the latest divorce statistics, lack of commitment is cited as the number one reason for divorce. 

So it just makes sense that a woman who knows how to commit is marriage material.

But first…what is commitment?

According to Tran and Simpson, “commitment entails a concern for the future and stability of the relationship along with the desire for the relationship to continue.”

In other words, it’s dedication and willingness to do whatever it takes to stay together.

If a woman stays with you even if things get rough, 

If she’s willing to compromise and come up with solutions,

If she’s devoting time and energy to make things better,

Then she’s definitely marriage material!

But if she threatens to leave or if she’s only there “in richer”, but not “in poorer”…in health but not in sickness, then she definitely isn’t.

2) She’s less likely to cheat

According to the same study, infidelity is the second leading reason for divorce.

That’s why you have to look for certain qualities that make a partner more trustworthy than others.

Couples therapist Dr. Eve Kilmer outlined the common reasons for cheating

They are:

  • Low self-esteem (a desire for reassurance that one is desirable).
  • Difficulties with emotional intimacy
  • Impulsivity
  • Excitement seeking
  • Lack of empathy
  • Drugs and alcohol

Now, of course, if someone has say— low self-esteem, it doesn’t automatically mean they’ll cheat. I have low self-esteem but I’ve never cheated on a partner ever.

It’s just that the likelihood of cheating increases the more these traits are present in your partner.

If you don’t see any of these in your girl, then she’s definitely marriage material. 

It means that your relationship should be dead for a long time before she’d even consider cheating on you.

3) She has good conflict-resolution skills

58% of couples in the same study said that too much conflict and arguing is the third main reason for divorce.

And so before you give her a diamond ring, make sure you got this sorted out.

Think back on your fights. 

How frequent were they? 

Did they resolve fast? 

Did you fight about the same things over and over again?

Remember: It’s not about how often you fight, but how WELL you fight.

Now examine your girlfriend.

  • Does she have good conflict-resolution skills?
  • Is she good at communicating her feelings? When she’s upset, does she go “Honey, I am upset. Can we talk?”
  • Is she generally mature (doesn’t resort to passive-aggression, manipulation, etc)?
  • Does she know how to regulate her emotions?
  • Does she take accountability for her actions?

If your answer is yes to all of them, then even if you argue once in a while, she’s still a person you’d not regret marrying because she has high EQ and conflict-resolution skills.

4) She’s good with money

Disagreements over finances can destroy even the most loving relationships.

Money is a source of comfort and protection, but also: shame, resentment, envy, fear, and worry.

Jeffrey Dew of the National Marriage Project says that according to their study, couples who reported disagreeing about finances once a week were over 30% more likely to divorce over time.

You see, money isn’t “just money”.

  • How you spend money is a reflection of your core values. If you don’t match, it  reflects a much bigger incompatibility. 
  • If one is earning much more than the other, it could lead to power imbalance.
  • If one is too frugal to the point that the other person feels unloved, resentment could slowly grow.

If your woman is good with money (and you rarely fight over it), then you’re lucky because she’s definitely marriage material.

5) She’s not addicted to the bad stuff

The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) says that couples in which at least one partner has an addiction are generally more unhappy.

We don’t even need studies to back this up because it’s obvious that addiction indeed puts a strain in your relationship, which can eventually lead to divorce.

It’s just incredibly hard to love someone who’s struggling with any kind of addiction.

If your partner isn’t a drug addict, an alcoholic, a chainsmoker, a shopaholic, then that’s one problem off the marriage issues list—and this could mean she’s marriage material.

You see, here’s the thing: love can’t cure any addiction. No amount of guilt-tripping and pleading will make your partner stop. 

Even seemingly harmless ones like video game addiction can harm a marriage—according to a study, 15% of the respondents want to divorce their spouse over it. 

My boyfriend left her ex-fiance of five years because she drinks every single night. He said “I love her but I can’t commit to taking care of her every time she’s drunk. It’s just not what I want for myself.”

While reading this, did you go “Geez. Thank God my girlfriend isn’t like that.”? Then chances are that she’s marriage material.

6) She loves you for who you are but encourages you to grow

When a woman is genuinely kind, extra patient, and highly empathetic, you’ve got yourself a keeper!

You don’t walk on eggshells around her because she accepts you for who you are.

You don’t try to filter yourself so much.

You feel safe to just be yourself.

You are not scared to tell her the truth.

And what this does is that you’ll have a secure, genuine, and honest relationship that promotes authenticity and growth.

And as the Gottman Institute points out, the purpose of marriage is growth— both as an individual and as a couple.

When you’re married to a woman who loves you but also supports you to become the best version of yourself, don’t let her go. She’s definitely marriage material.

7) She’s a great communicator

Problems are inevitable. In fact, they’re part of any relationship.

But problems are managed well when both parties know how to communicate.

In fact, according to a study, how well we communicate with our partner could predict marital satisfaction.

So…how to tell?

You’d know your partner is a good communicator if:

  • She respectfully speaks what is on her mind.
  • She says what she means, and means what she says.
  • She clarifies without being condescending.
  • She doesn’t use insults.
  • She’s careful with her body language and facial expressions (no eye-rolling).
  • She makes sure you both understand each other before you end a discussion.

8) She takes care of herself

Mental and physical illnesses are sadly one of the top 10 causes of divorce.

That’s why, if your girl puts in a lot of effort to take care of herself in all aspects, your chance of having a long-lasting marriage is much higher.

Does she meditate?

Does she exercise and eat well?

Does she take time to rest?

And if she’s struggling with any of these, does she ask for help? 

If yes, then she’s definitely marriage material.

You’d want to be with a woman who knows how to be responsible with her body and mind. After all, you want a partner, not a child to take care of.

A happy relationship consists of two happy and independent individuals. So if this describes your partner, you’re one lucky chap!

Final thoughts:

While 50% of marriage ends in divorce, you can rest assured that the odds will be in your favor if you choose the right girl.

So…what’s the score? Is your girlfriend marriage material?

Then maybe it’s time to take your relationship to the next level.

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

People who are introverts often display these 5 subtle body language traits

If a man is genuinely in love with you, he’ll almost always display these 7 specific behaviors