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Arthur Aron’s 36 questions that may help spark an emotional connection

couple using Arthur Aron questions to spark a connection

Want to enjoy your next date and finally spark a deep emotional connection?

Then look no further.

We’ve uncovered famous psychology researcher Arthur Aron’s 36 first date questions used in the lab to produce an emotional connection between two people.

First, who was Arthur Aron and how did he come up with these questions?

Arhur Aron (born July 2, 1945) is a psychology professor at the State University of New York.

He is well known for his groundbreaking research on intimacy in interpersonal relationships and the development of the self-expansion model of motivation in close relationships.

While undergoing research, Arthur Aron developed 36 questions to create closeness in a lab setting.

According to the University of Berkeley, these questions have “helped break down emotional barriers between thousands of strangers, resulting in friendships, romance, and even some marriages.”

The questions are divided into 3 sets of 12 and grow increasingly intense. According to Aron:

“When I came in towards the end of each set of questions, there were people crying and talking so openly. It was amazing…They all seemed really moved by it.”

How should you go about using the Arthur Aron questions?

According to Psychology Today, you can try these questions with a date, but they’re not necessarily only applicable to fostering romance.

You can try them on anyone – friends, family members etc. Each of you should take a turn answering each question.

It’s a great way to get to know someone deeply and emotionally. You might even find your kindred spirit.

So, without further ado, here are the 36 questions. Use them wisely.

36 questions that spark a deep emotional connection

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

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19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”

26. Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

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31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Here’s the brutal truth about men…

…We’re hard work.

We all know the stereotype of the demanding, high maintenance girlfriend. The thing is, men can be very demanding too (but in our own way).

Men can be moody and distant, play games, and go hot and cold at the flick of a switch.

Let’s face it: Men see the world differently to you.

And this can make a deep passionate romantic relationship—something that men actually want deep down as well—difficult to achieve.

In my experience, the missing link in any relationship is never sex, communication or romantic dates. All these things are important, but they are rarely deal breakers when it comes to the success of a relationship.

The missing link is this:

You actually have to understand what your man is thinking at a deep level.

Introducing a breakthrough new book

A highly effective way to understand men at a deeper level is to enlist the help of a professional relationship coach.

And I’ve recently come across one I want you to know about.

I’ve reviewed a lot of dating books on Hack Spirit but The Devotion System by Amy North stands head and shoulders above the rest.

A professional relationship coach by trade, Ms. North offers up her own comprehensive advice on how to find, keep, and nurture a loving relationship to women everywhere.

Add to that actionable psychology- and science-based tips on texting, flirting, reading him, seducing him, satisfying him and more, and you have a book that will be incredibly useful to its owner.

This book will be very helpful for any woman struggling to find and keep a quality man.

In fact, I liked the book so much that I decided to write an honest, unbiased review of it.

You can read my review here.

One reason I found The Devotion System so refreshing is that Amy North is relatable for many women. She’s smart, insightful and straightforward, she tells it like it is, and she cares about her clients.

That fact is clear from the very beginning.

If you’re frustrated by continuously meeting disappointing men or by your inability to build a meaningful relationship when a good one comes along, then this book is a must-read.

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Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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