6 psychological tricks to see if your partner is really committed in the relationship

When you’ve been in a relationship with somebody for quite awhile, it’s only natural to wonder about your future with that person–or if there’s even one at all.

Much of our communication with others is actually nonverbal, you might be surprised to know. Thus, knowing for sure if you and your partner are on the same page may not be as straightforward as you hoped.

Fret not, for in this article, we will uncover eight psychological tricks to see if your partner is really committed in the relationship.

1) Pay attention to the language they use

“Words, like nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.”

Victorian era poet, Alfred Lord Tennyson, is said to have uttered this thought. 

And you could do worse than heed these words with regards to discussions about the future.

Words have weight. They give clues as to what level of commitment your partner is giving to you.

Professor Scott M. Stanley, Ph.D. of the University of Denver’s College of Arts, Humanities and Social Sciences, wrote that the person you are in a relationship with should use language that carries more information and shows that they want and are planning a future with you.

Using Dr. Stanley’s example, let’s look at two statements:

“Let’s make babies.”

“Let’s raise kids together.”

If your partner says the first statement without any proof of commitment, like marriage (or a proposal), there’s no other information you actually got than that they want to be intimate with you.

In contrast, the second statement tells you more. It tells you of their desire to have a child, with you being the other parent, and it indicates a long-term time investment.

So next time a conversation between you and your partner lands somewhere around the vicinity about future plans, listen very carefully to how they speak about it.

2) Notice if they make everyday sacrifices

Another sign to pay attention to is whether your partner is willing to make sacrifices for you.

But to be clear, when we say ‘everyday’, we don’t mean making sacrifices every day. Everyday sacrifices are small things that your partner can do that shows that they prioritize you.

Some examples of day-to-day sacrifices include, among other things:

  • Showing up for you on a special occasion or a difficult time
  • Adjusting their schedules to accommodate you
  • Building rapport with people important to you (even if they’re shy)

It could even be as simple as lending you their jacket even if it means that they’ll be cold instead.

Your partner may not have to jump in front of a bullet for you, but identifying everyday sacrifices they make for you may speak a lot about their commitment to you.

3) Determine if you’re their first choice

One of the signals of real commitment lies in a person’s range of options.

What does that mean?

“When you have more options to choose among, what you pick tells more about who you are,” Dr. Stanley wrote. “When a person has diminished options, what he or she chooses contains less information about their true preferences.”

What a person chooses to do sometimes follows from what options they have at the time. 

Did Romeo really fall for Juliet, or did that just happen because Rosaline didn’t love him back? (It might interest some of you to know that Rosaline and Juliet were cousins.)

Are you living together because you want to, or because either of you can’t afford a place on your own?

Dr. Stanley’s point is that you may misread your partner’s behavior as signaling commitment, when the opposite is true.

4) Check if both your needs are met

In a committed relationship, both parties stay because they feel that their needs are being satisfied.

Marriage and family therapist Christopher Vo clarified that while people may have different needs or desires, what matters is if your partner can figure out what it is and give it to you.

“Although we must accept that we are human and it is impossible to meet 100% of each other’s needs all of the time,” he explained, “there should still be a mutual investment in doing our best to understand and support each other’s emotional, physical, and mental needs.”

5) Listen to how they speak about you

Vo pointed out that those who are very committed to their partners tend to paint them in a good light.

“Partners who genuinely cherish and are committed to each other tend to speak about their significant other in glowing terms,” he said. “It’s more than just the words they use; it’s the admiration and respect that resonates in their voice when discussing their partner with others.”

He added that it showed how an individual appreciates and acknowledges their partner’s qualities even if they were not there.

Although you might wonder if this doesn’t make one blind to their partner’s flaws, it shouldn’t be an issue if those flaws aren’t harmful. 

6) See if your values and goals are aligned

A strong and lasting relationship stems from having shared values.

When the fire of new love calms down and subsides to a steady flame, what keeps the relationship going are the values and goals that you both have.

It’s what helps you grow together.

Core values are the beliefs and tenets that govern your actions and your viewpoint. More importantly, it’s a crucial factor in the success of your relationship.

Communication, family, respect, forgiveness, and support are just a few of the most important things that can make or break your partnership. 

If your partner is truly committed to your relationship, then it’s a good idea to start talking about it if you haven’t already.

You need to talk to each other openly; decide whether you want to be married or have kids together; respect each other’s need for a bit of space and time alone; make allowances for mistakes and growth; and be your partner’s safe space.

Final thoughts

These signs may all be well and good to look out for, but it’s important to remember that this is by no means a comprehensive list.

Different people express their love and commitment in different ways.

What may be a sign of commitment to them may not be the same for you, but it is commitment all the same.

Louise Logarta

Louise Nichole Logarta is a content writer by profession, with experience crafting feature articles, editorials, and news articles. She has been published in noted Philippine broadsheets Philippine Daily Inquirer and The Manila Times. Topics of interest she likes writing about include relationships, current affairs, health, and pop culture. Travel, journal notebooks, fiction books, and iced coffee are some of the things she enjoys.

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