Anna Dovbysh
If you and your partner are not constantly talking when you’re together, you might feel that the relationship is on a downslope and that the spark that you once had is fading away.
You might even feel that you did something wrong.
In the earlier parts of being with someone—or the honeymoon phase, as it’s usually called—it’s normal to be talking to each other constantly. After all, you’re still learning as much as you can about one another.
However, in a long-term relationship, and especially in marriage, silence is not something to be afraid of.
In fact, it’s as natural as it gets.
Below, we’ll tackle the great benefits of learning how to embrace and even appreciate being silent together. We’ll also tell you how to identify if the silence you’re having is actually something to worried about.
10 unexpected benefits of silence in the relationship
1) Being able to be quiet together is relaxing
First of all, the ability to share quiet time together is a sign that the two of you are comfortable with one another. You don’t feel the need to constantly entertain each other to maintain the relationship.
Sharing some quiet time together is also a great opportunity to relax and simply enjoy one another’s company, even if you’re not directly interacting with one another.
This can take the form of simply sitting in one another’s arms on the couch watching TV. Or staying in bed on a lazy Sunday morning. You need to be able to be your true self with your partner.
There’s a learning curve for sure. At first, the silence can definitely get awkward. However, once the novelty of the relationship wears off, you’ll realize that sharing some quiet time together can feel deeply relaxing and nourishing for both of you.
2) It shows how easy you are with each other
Remember that it’s not a bad sign that you and your partner aren’t talking. In fact, you worrying about it might be the thing that makes the silence awkward and not the silence itself.
It doesn’t mean that the two of you are now boring each other and have run out of things to talk about. It just means that you’re comfortable enough with one another to share some peaceful silence.
Silence comes easier to some people compared to others though. For those who feel the need to chat away their anxiety, if you find that you’re able to relax and stay quiet with your partner, it’s a massive green flag.
It means that you’re comfortable with them and their presence makes you feel at ease.
3) Silence is great for introverts in a relationship
For introverts, however, being able to sit in silence with each other is even more of a must. Introverts often need to recharge their social battery, even if the one they just talked to is one another.
So if you’re dating someone who’s an introvert, it’s important to acknowledge and respect their needs for some stillness. Sit with them through the silence. Even if you’re not talking, it’s still quality time with one another.
For such people, silence is a necessity, and you embracing their needs is also a way to show and express your love.
4) It helps you appreciate the moment
It’s definitely exciting to constantly be talking about all sorts of things with your partner.
However, sometimes, spending some quiet time with one another allows for a certain kind of romantic peacefulness. It helps you appreciate their company and the current moment when you sit with them in comfortable silence.
5) Silence makes your relationship stronger
A sign of a great relationship is being able to talk to each other about anything. However, if the conversation comes naturally to the two of you, then so should silence.
So be realistic. You can’t fill every second with each other with chit-chat.
There will always be times when you’ve said everything you’ve had to say for the day. Or maybe one of you simply isn’t in the mood for a conversation.
If you’re planning to spend your life with each other, there will inevitably be some quieter days. It’s nothing to fear.
Learning how to embrace and even enjoy it will only strengthen your bond with one another.
6) It can prevent arguments
You might not have thought of this, but staying silent can actually prevent fights that don’t need to happen in the first place.
One of you might have had a horrible day and while you’re ranting it all out, the other might stay silent. But it’s not necessarily because they don’t care—they’re probably just giving you the space to blow off the steam.
But if you feel like you’ve been fighting a lot, it might be worth it to learn about the key reasons why some relationships work and others – don’t. Watch this video to find out what’s the most important factor in building a strong long-term relationship.
7) Being silent together is comfortable
We all associate silence with boredom or awkwardness. However, staying silent together doesn’t necessarily mean being together and twiddling your thumbs waiting for the other to initiate a conversation.
Being quiet together can and should meaning reading a book, using your phone, working, or catching up on current news while your partner is doing something else.
Essentially, the two of you need to learn how to stay quiet as you do your own thing even if you’re under the same roof. You can’t always be doing something together.
Sharing quiet time doesn’t necessarily have to always be some shared meditation situation too—though those definitely can be great.
Being able to do things on your own without talking to one another simply means that you still respect each other as autonomous individuals.
And that is a great sign for a relationship.
8) Being silent isn’t the same as a “silent treatment”
We’ve all heard of “the silent treatment,” which is when one party stops responding and suddenly stays quiet in the middle of an argument.
However, that is wrong. It’s a very unhealthy way of communicating because the only thing that is being communicated with the silent treatment is that person’s refusal to deal with the issue.
Moments of silence with your partners should not be caused by emotional friction between the two of you. It should come from the fact that there is peace and harmony in the relationship.
“The silent treatment” is an immature way to deal with conflict and problems. Moving past it will only help your relationship.
9) Silence can stop you from saying hurtful things
Sometimes, in the middle of a fight, emotions can get high and we can end up saying hurtful things that we don’t mean. After all, in these situations, we often feel the impulse to speak our minds immediately.
However, deciding to stay silent for a while can be beneficial. It buys you some time to calm down, think rationally about the issue being discussed, and thus be able to word your feelings properly.
It’s not just good for your partner, however. It also helps you regulate your own emotional responses as well.
10) Silence can be a sign of empathy and support
Sometimes, things are so bad that there are no words that can help. In such cases, staying silent is the best way to be there for a troubled partner.
It’s a way to show how much you empathize with the extreme sorrow or anger they’re experiencing.
Silence doesn’t just give them the space to express their emotions, but it’s a great way to commiserate with them and simply sit with them in their grief or frustration.
We often tend to try to immediately help them by suggesting solutions. However, there are times when your mere silent presence is the best way to help them.
What if you feel awkward being silent with your partner?
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you feel like you can’t be yourself with your partner and your relationship can’t sustain silence, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like when your partner gives you a silent treatment.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution for when it’s awkward to be quiet with my partner.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
Click here to watch the free video.
So, what is silent treatment then?
Giving someone the silent treatment means staying silent when being confronted about problems in the relationship. It’s a way to manipulate the other party to stop talking about it, ultimately leaving the issue unresolved.
It can cause all sorts of negative emotions in the receiving partner. It can make them hurt and unloved because they don’t feel like they are being listened to. It can also make them feel resentful or confused.
People who use the silent treatment use it as a tool to gain power and control over the relationship. By doing so, they are able to brush off their wrongdoings and avoid taking accountability.
Essentially, the silent treatment is an outright refusal to discuss the topic, much less deal with it.
What to do if your partner is giving you a silent treatment?
It can be hard to discuss the issue if your partner is staying silent about it. Ultimately, the desire to actually take responsibility and communicate about it should come from them.
On your part, try to find more effective ways to communicate your emotions, even if these feelings are difficult to manage.
For example, using “I” statements rather than saying “you” statements can come off as less threatening and less confrontational. Thus, using the former can maybe encourage them to share their own thoughts and feelings about the issue.
It can be also helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your partner giving you a silent treatment.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like silent treatment in the relationship. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
When should I be worried about silence?
You should be worried if they give you the silent treatment. People who use this tactic will usually:
- Resort to it again whenever they don’t fall in place for them;
- Avoid interacting with you in any way, including calls, texts, or even just eye contact;
- Use it as a way to avoid acknowledging their mistakes;
- To retaliate whenever you upset them;
- Use it as a passive-aggressive way to control you (usually by trying to make you stop bringing up the topic);
- Demand things from you before they talk to you;
- Make you plead for their attention;
- Use it as a way to avoid conflict instead of dealing with it.
When a partner uses the silent treatment, they singlehandedly destroy communication in the relationship. The partner on the receiving end will then feel distressed and will do anything to restore it. They may find themselves pleading or begging for their partner to talk again
The silent person thus feels vindicated and in control of what gets talked about in the relationship. The receiving person, on the other hand, is at the mercy of the silent person as they might be afraid that the relationship will fall apart even further.
Not only did the silent person avoid talking about the issue or taking responsibility, but they also made the conversation about meeting their demands.
In the end, the core issue is unresolved since the silent person manipulated their partner into redirecting all their attention and emotional energy. When this occurs regularly, the relationship becomes toxic and the silent partner is being abusive.
The key takeaways
For some of us, nothing can be more dreadfully awkward than silence. After all, in a hyperactive world, we always feel the need to fill the air with something.
In reality, however, sitting in silence with your lover is not a bad thing—far from it.
It mistakenly gets taken as a sign of boredom or that the two of you are falling out of love.
But true love is actually the opposite.
In a long-term relationship, being able to embrace and even enjoy silence together is one of the top signs of just how comfortable a couple is with one another.
On the other hand, silence may be used as a punishment. In this case, you shouldn’t tolerate it because it’s harmful to you and your relationship.
Your partner may not be willing to do their best to work on themselves but you may still want to try to bring in the positive change from your side.
Saving the relationship when you’re the only one trying is tough but it doesn’t always mean your relationship should be scrapped.
Because if you still love your spouse, what you really need is a plan of attack to mend your marriage.
Many things can slowly infect a marriage—distance, lack of communication, and sexual issues. If not dealt with correctly, these problems can metamorphosize into infidelity and disconnectedness.
When someone asks me for advice to help save failing marriages, I always recommend relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning.
Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel.
The strategies Brad reveals in it are extremely powerful and might be the difference between a “happy marriage” and an “unhappy divorce”.
