If you possess these 8 traits, you’re definitely an independent woman

Some people will tell you that femininity is all about being submissive and kind.

Those people are wrong.

I love being a woman because I know there is power in femininity – independence included.

And contrary to popular belief, independence isn’t inherently a masculine trait, either; just look at all the different animals where the female is the sole caretaker of her offspring!

To sum it up, women can do a hell of a lot. And if you possess these 8 traits, you’re definitely an independent woman.

1) You thrive on your own terms

First things first, you don’t need a man to bloom. It doesn’t really matter whether you’re single or in a relationship because you have an inner sense of power that’s completely detached from the male gaze.

Throughout the years, you’ve built a world of your own; a world full of friends, hobbies, books that you love, a community that makes you feel alive, and career goals suited to your personality.

Your life is flourishing. A romantic relationship is just the cherry on top.

As Miley Cyrus sings, “I can buy myself flowers.”

So get out there and treat yourself. You are the best person to spend your time and energy on.

2) You attract what you want

Femininity is often about the power of receiving rather than giving.

Men chase.

Women attract.

While this doesn’t mean you can sit on the sofa all day and a castle will drop from the sky (I wish it were that easy), it does mean that your approach to life is more grounded in the power of receiving and letting go.

If you want something, go after it. But if your path suddenly takes a different turn or if what you really want doesn’t seem to want you back, it’s time to stop clinging on.

What is meant to happen will happen. You just have to keep believing in yourself.

Listen to your intuition.

3) You’re very resourceful

Men love being helpful, right? They like to open a jar for you, fix a broken cupboard door, and explain how to change the oil in your car.

But if there’s no male partner in your life – or if you’re stuck in a relationship and want to move on to a life of singledom – it’s time to get your game on.

There is great power in realizing that you can do it all yourself. When I was nineteen, I ordered a bookshelf, built it according to the instructions in the manual, and then painted it in colors I liked.

As I was hammering down the nails, I realized it wasn’t as hard as I’d expected. In fact, it was really fun. Just building one small bookcase made me feel empowered.

If you’re definitely an independent woman, you know how to:

  • Maintain your house (or know who to call when something breaks and it’s beyond your abilities to fix it)
  • Have your finances sorted out (don’t wait for him to explain things like investing to you – do your own research)
  • Nourish your body with high-quality food and get all your vitamins
  • Keep up with your bills and other life admin stuff

“But what if I don’t even know when to start?”

I used to feel the same. Then I realized that everything you can ask a man is also freely available on Google.

4) You don’t let your pink-colored glasses rob you of reason

Falling in love is one of the most incredible and breathtaking experiences of your life. It can also make you terribly stupid.

If you’re an independent woman, you know how to protect yourself before you’re as certain as can be that the person standing in front of you is absolutely right for you.

You won’t fall for scams. You won’t clean their house and iron their clothes after two months of getting to know each other.

You will proceed with caution, and if they turn out to be someone who truly deserves your love… then feel free to commit yourself 100% to building a life with them.

5) You don’t settle for less than you deserve

This is a hard one.

Imagine you’ve spent years creating a life with someone, giving them all the love you have to give, and planning to spend the rest of your time on planet Earth with them…only to realize they don’t value your love as much as they should.

They get lazy, they don’t fix the issues you bring up again and again, they cheat – whatever it is, they take your love for granted.

And then it’s up to you to make the decision to break things off.

An independent woman chooses heartbreak now so that she can thrive later. She willingly puts herself through the pain because she knows the universe has better things in store.

She leaves. And she never turns back.

6) You have standards and non-negotiable values

The reason you don’t settle is because you have high standards. And that’s more than okay – in fact, it’s preferable.

If we all had high (and reasonable, of course) standards, the divorce rate would probably be much lower because we wouldn’t marry someone who mistreats us in the first place.

Independent women understand that they can be very happy on their own, and so if their partner isn’t bringing in any extra happiness, they might be slowing them down instead of lifting them up.

Moreover, they know which values are deeply important to them and which they can let slide. If you’re a very environmentally-minded person, you probably won’t marry an owner of a fossil fuel company.

Your standards may make dating a little bit harder, I’m not going to lie. But remember that it’s better to spend a little longer looking for your ideal person than to stay stuck with someone who isn’t right for you.

7) You never give up on yourself

Your resilience in dating feeds into all aspects of life, from career goals to friendships.

Every time life throws a challenge in your path, you brace yourself and jump right in.

I recently went through quite a rough patch in my personal life, but instead of feeling lost and confused, I told myself, “If you’ve reached the bottom, it only means you are inevitably going up. Keep going.”

Fast forward to just a few months later, and I’m thriving.

As an independent woman, you know it does always get better. The only way to lose is to give up. If you keep the faith, you’re winning.

8) You’re married to yourself

I once saw a TED talk by Tracy McMillian that completely shifted my perspective on dating.

Tracy says that the only person you really need to marry isn’t someone outside of you – it’s yourself. 

She says she used to go through her life feeling half-whole as if she always searched for someone to complete her; until she realized the only person who could ever do that was herself.

She fully committed to building a happy marriage with herself, a marriage where she cared about her well-being, a marriage where dating was about how she felt in someone’s presence, not whether they liked her back or not.

In short, she focused wholly on her own personhood. And if there’s something that absolutely shouts independence… that’s it.

Marry yourself before you marry anybody else. 


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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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