8 phrases you should never use around an emotionally wounded man, according to psychology

Navigating the emotional landscape of a wounded man can be like walking on eggshells. Things can get tense, and at times, your words might unintentionally cause more harm than good.

You might find that certain phrases trigger unexpected reactions of anger, sadness, or withdrawal. This doesn’t mean he’s overly sensitive, but rather that he’s dealing with some emotional wounds.

Emotional wounds aren’t a matter of choice. They often stem from trauma or difficult experiences.

Being around an emotionally wounded man can present its own unique challenges. But understanding how to communicate effectively can make a world of difference.

To that end, here are 8 phrases you should never use around an emotionally wounded man, according to psychology. It’s a guide for more mindful communication, grounded in psychological principles.

1) “Just get over it”

This phrase can downplay his feelings and experiences, making him feel as though his emotions aren’t important or legitimate.

Imagine you’re dealing with a deep emotional wound. You’re struggling, and someone tells you to simply “get over it”. It feels dismissive, doesn’t it? It’s as if your struggle doesn’t matter. It’s like telling someone with a broken leg to just start walking.

Emotional wounds are not something one can simply “get over”. They often require time, patience, understanding, and sometimes professional help to heal.

Using this phrase can make him feel unheard and misunderstood. It can also further isolate him, leading to more emotional distress. Instead of helping him heal, this phrase might only deepen his wounds.

2) “You’re so strong”

 It’s often intended to encourage resilience and fortitude. But this phrase can actually be problematic.

When you tell someone they’re strong, it can imply an expectation for them to always be strong, to suppress their feelings and soldier on. This can put additional pressure on an emotionally wounded man to hide his feelings, rather than express them.

Emotional wounds need acknowledgment and care, not suppression. The phrase “you’re so strong” can inadvertently discourage openness about emotional struggles.

A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that individuals who openly communicate their emotional struggles are better able to manage stress and recover from emotional setbacks.

Consider instead saying something like, “It’s okay to be upset about this,” or “Your feelings are valid.” This can promote a healthier conversation about emotions and reinforce that it’s okay to express vulnerability.

3) “I know exactly how you feel”

It’s natural to want to connect with someone who’s hurting by sharing your own experiences. But telling an emotionally wounded man “I know exactly how you feel” can actually be detrimental.

Every person’s emotional experience is unique. Even if you’ve been through a similar situation, your feelings and reactions may not mirror his. This phrase can come across as presumptuous and dismissive of his individual experience.

According to studies, empathy is more effective when we acknowledge that we can’t fully understand someone else’s experience. Try saying, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to support you”. 

4) “At least it’s not worse”

While it might seem like you’re trying to provide perspective or look on the bright side, saying “at least it’s not worse” to an emotionally wounded man can unintentionally minimize his pain.

This phrase suggests that he should feel grateful because things could be worse. But the truth is, pain is not a competition. What matters is how he feels, not how his situation measures up to others.

Instead of comparing his situation to something worse, acknowledge his feelings. A phrase like “That sounds really tough, and I’m here for you” can make a world of difference. It shows that you’re recognizing his pain without diminishing it.

5) “Time heals all wounds”

It’s a phrase we’ve all heard, and maybe even used before: “Time heals all wounds”. It’s well-meaning, intended to offer hope that things will eventually get better.

However, for an emotionally wounded man, this phrase might not be as comforting as intended. It can imply that he simply needs to wait for things to get better, when in reality, healing often requires active effort and support.

Rather than waiting passively for time to do its work, it can be more helpful to engage with the healing process actively. Instead of this phrase, consider saying something like, “It’s okay if it takes time to heal. I’m here for you through the process.” 

6) “You should be over this by now”

It imposes a timeline on his healing process, which is deeply personal and unique to each individual.

I once knew a man who lost his job unexpectedly. Months later, he was still grappling with the emotional impact.

His friends couldn’t understand why he hadn’t moved on and often told him he should be over it by now. This only made him feel guilty and misunderstood, further complicating his healing process.

Healing doesn’t follow a set timeline. Everyone moves at their own pace. A better approach would be to say, “Take all the time you need to heal, I’m here for you no matter what.”

7) “You need to snap out of it”

While it might come from a place of wanting to encourage action, telling an emotionally wounded man to “snap out of it” can be unhelpful and even harmful. 

Emotional wounds are not something one can just snap out of. They require care, patience, and time. Telling someone to snap out of it dismisses the complexity of their emotions.

A study published in the Current Opinion of Psychiatry found that emotional support and understanding from loved ones significantly contribute to the emotional recovery of individuals experiencing psychological distress.

Dismissing their feelings or urging rapid change can lead to increased feelings of isolation and stigmatization.

Instead of pushing him to quickly change his emotional state, encourage him gently towards seeking help if he hasn’t already. 

8) “Others have it worse”

Perhaps one of the most critical phrases to avoid is “others have it worse”.

While it may be true that there are always others facing more severe situations, this phrase can make an emotionally wounded man feel like his pain is not valid or significant.

What he’s going through matters, regardless of how it compares to the struggles of others. His feelings are valid, and comparing his situation to others’ experiences is not helpful or healing.

Instead, let him know that what he’s feeling is understandable and that you’re there for him. A simple phrase like, “What you’re going through sounds really hard, and I’m here for you” can be affirming and supportive, reinforcing that his emotions are important and valid.

Conclusion

Understanding how to communicate with an emotionally wounded man is a vital skill, and it’s about far more than just choosing the right words.

It’s about recognizing and validating his feelings, offering support, and creating a safe space for him to express his emotions.

Everyone’s healing journey is unique. What matters most is that you’re there for him in a way that aligns with his needs and respects his feelings.