Tina Fey
We develop emotional maturity at different stages in our lives and through different ways.
Sometimes, it’s our experiences that make us wiser and more mature. And sometimes, it’s because we deliberately put in the effort to work on ourselves.
One thing’s for sure: emotional maturity and wisdom don’t come easy!
While understandable, it can also be a pain in the ass to be with someone who lacks these traits.
Want to know how the women in your life fare in this department?
Take note of these 10 phrases that women who lack emotional maturity and wisdom often use.
1) “That’s it, I’m leaving!”
When you get into a fight…
When you displease her in any way…
When you don’t act your best…
She’s quick to throw this line in your face.
She probably means it because she’s impulsive. She lets her emotions dictate her decisions and actions.
Or she could also be doing this to manipulate you.
Either way, threatening to leave at the first signs of conflict is a clear indication that someone is emotionally immature.
A mature person would know how to process and regulate their own emotions, communicate, and find ways to problem-solve.
Most of all, they wouldn’t use manipulation to get what they want!
2) “This is all YOUR fault!”
Women (or people, really) who lack emotional maturity point an accusatory finger at everyone else… even if it’s clearly their own fault.
They lack self-awareness, so they won’t ask themselves “Wait, what is my role in this?” or “Am I not really responsible for this?”
Instead, they think they’re always free of blame.
Even if they were in it the whole time, they’d say things like “You made me do it” or “I had no choice!”
A lack of maturity and wisdom often results in zero accountability…and a woman who’s like this is very frustrating to deal with.
3) “I get it, you just don’t like me”
You give objective feedback on their work—and you say it in the nicest way possible—yet, they still think you’re launching an attack on them!
It could be as simple as you telling them the soup needs more salt, and instead of saying, “Ahh. Here, put salt on your soup” like a mature (and emotionally-stable) person would, they’d take this to heart and say “Sure, I can never do anything right.”
Criticism, for an immature person, is someone’s way of bringing them down. And this leads them to always getting defensive and offended.
They believe that the reason you’re “hard on them” is because you simply don’t like them as a person.
4) “If you’re a real man, you should…”
“I’m a high value woman!” you hear them cry.
Then, they’d tell you exactly how a man should act.
“A man should earn enough and be able to be the breadwinner.”
“A man should always prioritize their woman.”
“A man should always give valuable gifts.”
“A man should always understand their woman.”
Basically, they’re very heteronormative, and kinda problematic.
They believe social constructs like gender roles, and they strictly adhere to them. And somehow, they also believe that they deserve the world just because they’re a woman, so they behave like a spoiled brat.
The thing is, someone who’s mature and wise enough knows that a person’s role, behavior, dreams, and value are determined more than by their gender.
There is no one way to be a “real” man, or a “real” woman, or however else one identifies, for that matter.
5) “Is that so, Mr. Smarty Pants?”
Tell them they said or did something wrong, and they’d raise an eyebrow, flip their hair, hold their chin up and say “Is that so, Mr. Smarty Pants?”
It’s frustrating because your goal was never to offend them in any way! You weren’t even looking for an argument.
You can’t have healthy and intellectual discussions with an immature woman because they’d always turn it into a contest of who’s smarter or who’s more interesting.
They’d take any comment that sounds like you think you’re better than them, and they’d find a way to retaliate—almost always in an uninspired and exhausting way.
Their pride and insecurity get in the way of just them saying, “Oh, I didn’t know that” or admitting that they were wrong.
And because of this, women who lack emotional maturity miss out on opportunities for growth.
6) “You ALWAYS do this, You NEVER do that!”
Always and Never—these are two of the most judgmental words.
If you got hooked on a new computer game and you’ve been playing for two to three hours each day, she’d pout and tell you “You’re just ALWAYS in front of your PC!”
If you don’t give comments regularly, she’d cry and say “You NEVER appreciate me!”
You do something she doesn’t agree with once or twice and suddenly, that’s the status quo—at least according to her!
Women who lack emotional maturity might not even be aware that they exaggerate when they express themselves.
It’s just that they don’t have the capacity to regulate their thoughts and emotions, and look at their experiences as objectively as possible.
Letting their emotions color their experiences also leads them into having this “woe is me” view of life, where they’re always the victim.
7) “I’ll show you…”
Women who lack emotional maturity and wisdom have very fragile egos.
When they get hurt, they get vengeful.
As I’ve said, they feel attacked by even the most innocuous comments… and soon after, they’re plotting ways to make sure you pay.
They’d daydream of the day that you’ll see them succeed, so they can prove to you that yes, it was a huge mistake for you to cross them.
They want to see you fall on your knees and say, “I was wrong. You’re definitely perfect.”
Of course, it’s mostly a silent war that they’re waging alone—the other party none the wiser. And often, all these negative thoughts and feelings hurt them more than anyone else.
8) “If you love me, you would…”
A woman who lacks emotional maturity wants to be treated like a princess—all the damn time.
Especially if you’re their partner!
They want to always get their way, and if you don’t cooperate, they’d say “If you love me, you should be supportive of me.”
If they made a mistake—even if it’s something huge like having an emotional affair —they’d say “If you love me, you’d understand me” or “If you love me, you’d forgive me.”
They always use the “love” card to justify the outcome they want.
They truly believe that love is unconditional—that it demands and overlooks anything and everything.
A woman who uses this line will want you to get entangled with her in a toxic and codependent relationship that enables her lack of accountability.
9) “I’m fine” *sarcasm*
Some women struggle to communicate what they truly feel.
That’s probably because society discourages women to be assertive—when a woman isn’t afraid to express herself, she’s often considered difficult or even b*tchy.
Of course, there are some who just lack the emotional maturity to do this.
They’d say “I’m fine” even if they’re clearly not.
Why?
Because they want you to be able to decode what they feel instead… so they won’t feel like they’re the “difficult” one.
Mature women, on the other hand, would NEVER do this.
They know good relationships are based on clear communication and not underhanded “tests.”
10) “I hope you rot in hell!”
Women who lack emotional maturity and wisdom are always angry. It’s like they never got over the angsty teenager phase!
And while feeling angry is fine, what isn’t is that they’ll throw hissy fits.
They may say verbally abusive phrases and expect you to understand. They may go into expressions of physical abuse, too.
This is why you always walk on eggshells around them… the reason why you’re always worried about choosing the right words, even gestures and facial expressions.
Living with a woman who lacks emotional maturity is very draining.
They’d make a big deal out of everything, and express their anger in the most dramatic ways.
Final thoughts
It’s hard to become emotionally mature—and yes, it’s true for both women and men.
It requires one to also have empathy, self-awareness, objectivity, and to some extent, lived experiences.
If there’s a woman in your life who displays the traits I listed above, try to take their own experiences and background into account, too.
And try to have open and honest conversations with them (yes, it’s gonna take more than one).
Because who knows, maybe being with you can help them grow a bit more.
But if you realize that they’re already affecting you in negative ways, then keep your distance. You don’t have to wear yourself out.
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