5 phrases women use when they want to test your feelings, according to psychology

Being in a relationship and experiencing all the good, sweet feelings that come with it is something most people would want in their lives.

So when they’re finally able to attain this, it’s normal to want to hold on to this as long as possible.

You’d want your partner to be with you and stick by you hopefully, for a long, long time.

When women think that they’ve found the one, they will try to ascertain what the other party feels before discussing the next steps.

This could involve questioning their partners to see if they’re also aligned in thinking.

If you’re in a relationship and your partner starts using these 5 phrases, it’s likely that she’s testing your feelings and wants to understand what you feel about the relationship.

1) “What are we?”

Perhaps you’ve been going out on dates for a while now and thoroughly enjoy each other’s presence. 

However, there hasn’t been a confirmation of status yet. The two of you are just dating, but not officially partners.

In this case, your partner may bring up this question to better understand where the two of you stand in the relationship.

Sometimes, they ask so that they can label the relationship – perhaps from more than friends to boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. 

While some people may not like to have labels, it’s good to discuss this with your partner so that there’s an alignment of expectations.

Usually, women ask this question to know if there is something more to the relationship. And if you find that she’s a keeper, there’s no harm in being clear on where the relationship stands and agreeing about the status.

What’s important is that there’s alignment in expectations.

2) “Where do you see us in five years’ time?”

Another question that your partner may throw at you to test the waters, is to ask about future-planning.

They want to know if you see a future with them. Because if you don’t, they may find that the relationship may have been a waste of time.

Granted, there are some people who do not wish to get married or have a life partner, but for most, they’d want to know if their partner is staying for the long haul, or already looking elsewhere.

Women ask this because they want to know that their time and energy are being well spent.

They’d rather get a better sense of the way things are going than blindly follow along, and risk wasting their time and energy building up a future with you and to see it all go to waste.

Therefore, if your partner poses this question to you, answer honestly and truthfully.

No one is forcing you to do something you don’t want to do, but if you do want her, then it’s best to tell her. 

3) “What do you like about me?”

Do you remember what drew you to her in the first place?

Maybe it was her eyes, the way she laughed, or how she treated everyone with kindness and love.

I’m sure you’ve told her what you liked about her before, but there’s no harm in doing it again.

This reassures her that you’re the right person for her and reminds her that she’s valued and respected by you.

Your response matters because anyone can tell her that she’s beautiful, funny, and kind. 

But there would be something unique that drew you to her and made you stay. Something that only a person who’s spent a substantial amount of time with her would be able to share.

This may seem like an innocent question, but in reality, she’s testing to see if you appreciate her qualities too, in addition to her outward appearances.

4) “How important am I to you?”

Another question women often ask men when they want to test their feelings, is this.

It’s a straightforward way of ascertaining where she fits in your list of priorities.

Before you make a decision, do you consider her opinion? And how much weight does her opinion hold?

Does she fit into your long-term plans and have you considered where her place is in your life?

These questions are essentially what she’s trying to get answers to with that one question.

Perhaps you’ve been dating for a while now and she wants a better understanding of where she stands in your life. Maybe she’s ready to move on to the next phase of the relationship or she’s still not completely sure about you.

This is why she’ll pose this question to you and determine what she should do based on your response.

So try to answer as truthfully and openly as you can. 

5) “What would you do if we had a fight?”

Conflicts are part and parcel of relationships.

It’s how one manages and responds during a conflict that makes all the difference.

Therefore, if your partner asks you this question, she’s trying to determine how you would respond if the two of you were to get into an argument.

Someone who prioritizes the relationship would want to resolve conflicts with patience. Their goal is not to win the argument but to address the issue at hand instead. They will not let minor problems ruin the relationship because they see this as the most important thing.

If your partner asks you this question, she’s essentially asking you if you are that person for her – the one that will resolve conflicts with maturity and patience, instead of flaring up and letting your emotions get the better of you.

Of course, telling someone how you would react in a situation is far different from actually reacting in that situation or conflict.

But by perhaps bringing up your past experiences resolving conflict with the people around you, she can get a better idea of how you respond in these situations.

It’s also a test of your self-awareness; how much you actually know about yourself.

Concluding thoughts

Do you recognize most or all of the questions posed here? Do they sound familiar because your partner has been asking these regularly?

If so, hopefully, you have a better understanding of why she’s doing this.

It means she wants to test your feelings to make sure she’s making the right decision to either continue the relationship or look elsewhere.

What’s important is to answer truthfully and surface any causes for concern, to ensure that your expectations are aligned with hers.

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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