Mia Zhang
There are hidden clues in the language we use. It’s not just what we say, it’s the meaning behind it.
Sometimes it’s not even apparent to us at the time that our choice of words is saying things we never even knew.
Here are 15 phrases that subtly indicate someone isn’t happy even if they don’t realize it.
1) “You’re too good for me”
Many years ago a guy that I was dating turned around and said this to me.
At the time, I confess that I found it almost sweet. It seemed like a compliment.
I thought he was trying to say that he saw everything I had to offer and he valued that.
But I was very wrong.
Sadly, it was far more of a reflection of his own low self-esteem.
As the relationship continued it became clear that he meant it. He was very fearful that I would realize I was “too good for him” and leave.
We all have exactly the same intrinsic value in life. Nobody is better or worse than us.
Of course, that’s different to being right for us. But the point is, if someone says this phrase they are likely to be secretly unhappy with themselves.
2) “I’m just a bit fed up”
We all have those days when life feels like a struggle.
It’s normal to hear that someone is “feeling a bit blue” or just “in a funk” every now and then.
The key thing to watch out for here is he frequency of these sorts of phrases.
Because if more often than not someone is feeling fed up with life, then there is probably a deeper problem.
Rather than being a fleeting mood, it could indicate real unhappiness that they are trying to downplay.
3) “I’m fine”
Anyone who has ever had a sulking partner bark back the words “I’m fine” whenever you ask what’s wrong will understand exactly where I’m coming from with this one.
This seemingly harmless declaration is often used as a cover-up when someone is far from feeling fine.
It actually conveys a sense of emotional detachment from the conversation.
If they’re not opening up and giving you any details about what’s happening in their life or how they’re feeling, it may suggest underlying dissatisfaction or unhappiness.
4) “I can’t really complain”
This phrase subtly piles on the pressure of guilt or shame for feeling a certain way.
It’s almost like saying “Others have it worse”.
It’s not really about feeling genuinely grateful, which brings with it positive emotions.
It’s about feeling like you have no right to express any discontentment or tell it like it really is.
5) “Just going through the motions”
Life can start to feel monotonous.
That’s when unhappiness can creep in without us even realizing it. Each day blends into the next.
This expression implies a sense of emptiness and lack of fulfillment in life.
It’s saying that we’re just doing what we’ve got to do because we don’t really have a choice.
But it’s unlikely that we feel happy if we’re not getting any real joy or satisfaction from our daily lives.
6) “I’m sure I’ll survive”
Much like the phrase above, there is a world between surviving and thriving.
I’m not naive. I know that lots of people in the world are trying to simply make ends meet.
They may be working hard to pay their rent, or putting in all the hours to improve their situation.
But life should still hold joy. Merely surviving is a low bar to set for ourselves.
If someone says this, they may be joking. But they may not be.
It could be a sign that it’s all getting a bit too much. There is a lack of optimism and a feeling of mere endurance about life.
They are putting up with their circumstances, but they’re not happy with them.
7) “I don’t really mind”
Of course, sometimes we genuinely don’t mind.
I frequently will reply with this phrase when my partner asks what I want to eat for dinner, or which movie we should watch.
But there are many things in life that we should not feel indifferent towards.
If someone frequently shows disinterest it suggests they could have checked out.
There is a lack of engagement in the decision-making process. This sort of withdrawal from life is a common sign of depression.
8) “I’m just trying to get by”
This phrase is loaded with struggle.
It’s all about survival and lets you know that someone is having a hard time coping.
It may come along with a reluctance to engage in new experiences or take on additional responsibilities.
They prefer to stay in their comfort zone as they’re already finding it hard to deal with life’s challenges.
9) “There’s not a lot I can do about it”
I often preach the importance of acceptance in life.
That means not fighting with reality, and instead focusing on the things we can control and not worrying about what we can’t.
On the surface, this phrase may sound like acceptance. But often it’s more defeatist than that.
It highlights a victim mentality and is often uttered with a heavy heart.
It implies someone feels downtrodden by life, but has sort of given up trying to make things any better.
10) “Don’t worry about me”
We all need support and help in life.
If someone always tells you not to worry about them, it can suggest they are not very good at accepting that help.
It’s another one of those things that we say that minimizes us.
It’s almost like saying we’re not worth someone’s time and energy. But we should all feel worthy of love, attention, and effort.
It’s okay to let people care about you and think about you — sometimes that will mean carrying your burdens along with you.
11) “If only”
This is such a tragic phrase to use because it symbolizes both wishing and regret all at the same time.
It’s a way of saying that you would like things to be different, but there is no chance of that.
It points to a fixed mindset that doesn’t believe things can ever really change. It’s a fatalist way of looking at the world which is bound to impact on your happiness.
12) “It’s my own fault”
Self-responsibility is a wonderful trait to have.
It is empowering to be able to hold your hands up and acknowledge your role in shaping your life — both for good and for bad.
But this sounds less like accountability and more like self-blame.
The two are not the same thing. Because the latter actually keeps us stuck, whilst the former helps us to take empowered action.
Someone who frequently chastises themselves is likely being very hard on themself.
13) “I can’t catch a break”
This is one of those phrases often muttered by people trapped in victimhood.
I know that life can get us down and it’s healthy to express that.
But if someone says things like this it tells you:
- They’re going through a hard time
- They may not know how to navigate out of it because they’re waiting for life to get better without necessarily doing anything about it
14) “No big deal”
This one needs some explanation. Sometimes we use this expression and we genuinely mean it. We’re letting someone know that it’s not a problem.
The tricky part is, this phrase can also be used by someone to minimize their own feelings.
Rather than be open about what they want, they don’t feel important enough to express it.
So when someone lets them down in some way, or they feel the disappointment of life not turning out as planned, they try to shrug it off.
It’s okay to be honest when we feel frustrated, hurt, and sad by things that happen. In fact, it’s healthy.
If someone often says things are no big deal, they may be unhappy but sitting on their true feelings.
15) “I’m so jealous!”
This phrase is a sneaky one.
A lot of us feel envy, but as the saying goes, it really is the thief of joy.
If we’re busy looking around with converting eyes at what others have, chances are we’re not paying real attention to what we have right in front of us.
Being unable to notice your blessings is a key cause of discontentment in life.
It doesn’t matter what you manage to do or have, someone else will always have more.
