Tina Fey
Sometimes people might pretend they respect us, but every so often a slip of the tongue betrays what they actually believe deep down inside.
And you ought to be careful around people like these.Chances are that they won’t think twice about tearing you down when it suits them.
I put together a list of ten phrases that will help you know when people are not showing you respect.
1) “Yeah, shut up!”
Many of us like to use this phrase with our friends, and it’s generally fine then because it’s clear that we don’t actually mean it. Or they mean it but in a loving way.
But sometimes people do mean it, and when they do it’s a clear sign that they simply don’t respect you at all.
And, well, you can generally tell when people are serious about it. Sometimes people even tell you to shut up when you haven’t even said anything that would warrant it!
People who genuinely respect you, if they’re in a bad mood and are annoyed by your chatter, would still confront you but in a loving way.
Simply telling someone to shut up straight up is anything but polite and respectful.
2) “Whaddaya mean NO?!”
People who say this are the type of people who don’t respect boundaries.
And unlike the previous phrase, this phrase is something you need to be wary of even when people say it jokingly.
The reason for that is simple—at its core this phrase is about people disregarding and even challenging your refusal.
Many people will “jokingly” say this in the hopes that even with their playful tone you would feel guilty enough to say yes to their favors.
It’s even worse when people say it seriously, because then they might even bring up personal favors, seniority, or even threats to force you into saying yes.
3) “Who gives a sh*t?”
People often like to talk about mundane things or things that only concern them—like their family drama, work problems, and a hundred other things, really.
But the only reason some people don’t give a shit about what they say is that they don’t really care about the person. And even think they’re just attention seekers.
When you say something and someone says this phrase right to your face, they’re telling you that they don’t care about you and you should stop bothering them with your existence.
They probably have deep-seated anger towards you because this phrase cuts like a knife. It’s telling you straight that you don’t matter…that your happiness and your life is none of their concern.
And honestly, they utter that phrase because they want you to feel like you don’t matter.
4) “Is that all you have to say?!”
When you explain something or react about something, and someone tells you this phrase, it just means that they don’t respect the way you think.
They’re pushing you to be more invested than you seem.
They might also be controlling because they have a specific criteria on how someone should think and express themselves.
This is probably understandable if they’re someone very close to you like your parents or partner—and they expect you to be more involved instead of just saying “It’s nice” or “I’m happy for you”.
However, if you’re not even close and you don’t owe them anything, they’re clearly being disrespectful towards you.
5) “Stop complaining!”
It takes a lot of effort to express anything negative because it comes off as complaining.
Like, it took you a lot of guts to have a heart-to-heart talk with your friends that you’re quite unhappy with how they’re making fun of your boyfriend, or when you told your boss you don’t like working until 7pm every single day.
You hope that the person you’re talking to would understand that you have your own needs and limitations…and that they should try to at least acknowledge your concerns instead of feeling “attacked”.
When someone tells you “Stop complaining!”, they’re gaslighting you. They’re saying “No, you’re wrong about what you feel” and how dare you even bring up your concerns.
6) “Are you done now?”
This is usually said to someone who rattles on and on during an argument or debate.
It’s disrespectful because it’s as if you’re just talking nonsense—that everything you just said is not valid, just because you said more than you should, and you said so with some level of emotional intensity.
Listen, don’t let that stop you from expressing yourself. Just because you’re passionate about talking about something (especially if that something is very important to you), doesn’t mean you’re attacking anyone or you’re simply being a whiner.
As long as you’re not attacking anyone with your words, you should be allowed to express yourself freely.
A person who says “Are you done now?” is trying to find fault in how you do your arguments to invalidate whatever it is you’re saying. Don’t give them the satisfaction by shutting up and losing confidence in yourself.
7) “Okay, and?!”
Someone who has no respect for you would want to show you just how much they don’t give a damn about you. And one way they do this is by saying invalidating phrases such as “Okay, and?!”
If you tell them about your problems, they’d say “Okay, and?” to tell you “Do I look like I care?” or “Your problems are not real problems. Grow up.”
If you tell them about your joys and achievements, they’d say “Okay, and?!” to tell you “So what? It’s not such a big deal. You’re such a braggart.”
People like this clearly resent you, and you must burn bridges before they ruin your self-esteem.
Not everyone wants to hear about your joys and sorrows—sometimes, even friends and family simply don’t give a damn. So be selective of the people who you share them with. Do share your life only to the people who love you and respect you.
8) “Excuses, excuses”
When you tell them your genuine reason for canceling a date or not being able to beat a deadline, they’d utter these words as if you’re just a wimp.
It’s very disrespectful because those aren’t excuses, those are your actual reasons!
They don’t even consider the fact that you RARELY commit these offenses or that you actually tried your best to comply.
It’s hurtful because they’re judging your character. They’re saying with certainty that you’re a kind of person who can’t be trusted, that you are very flawed…and that you’re such a bad friend or a lazy colleague.
Don’t worry. It’s not your fault. Everyone slips up from time to time. They’re just disrespectful people with no empathy.
9) “No offense, but…”
When someone utters this phrase, you can be sure they’re about to say something offensive.
What’s annoying is that they give you this warning so they have a free pass to say garbage and insults directly to your face, just because “they’re honest” or that “they care.”
That’s a cowardly thing to do.
If they can’t be respectful, they should just be outright disrespectful and not give you this phrase so any reaction you’ll have will be taken against you.
10) “You’re the best!”
When said in a genuine way, this is the best phrase we can hear from someone. But when said in a sarcastic way, it has the exact opposite effect.
“You’re the best!” when said with sarcasm means “You’re the worst”, and well…isn’t that just the worst thing to say to someone.
We all need a little tenderness, especially when we’re trying to do our best at something. And a bit of appreciation like someone giving us a thumbs up goes a long way.
A disrespectful phrase like this can destroy any person’s motivation to even try.
Don’t let them get the best of you. You’re not as bad as they want you to believe. They’re just disrespectful people. Trust me on this.
Last words
If someone says at least one of these phrases regularly, and they make you feel like sh*t, keep your distance.
Always remember that you don’t need their permission to guard yourself from any kind of disrespect.
But you must remember that none of these phrases should be taken just as is.
Context, tone of voice, body language, as well as a person’s personality must be considered before concluding that someone is truly being disrespectful to you.
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