When someone feels insecure in a relationship, the signs are usually pretty obvious.
But sometimes, they’re simple, subtle phrases that give away how they truly feel about themselves.
And if you’re not careful, it’s easy to brush these phrases off as a joke, or even as sweet talk, when in reality, it’s a cry for reassurance and understanding.
Want to find out more?
Here are 10 phrases that indicate someone may be feeling insecure in a relationship:
1) “Do you really love me?”
This is probably the most indicative phrase that insecure people use in a relationship…
Because if they felt secure, they wouldn’t need to question your love.
Even if you go above and beyond for them and make it clear how strongly you feel about them, an insecure person will struggle to shake off the doubt that plagues them.
For whatever reason, they don’t feel deserving of love, and that’s why they’ll push you on the subject, over and over again.
2) “Why do you spend so much time with [friend’s name]?”
Ah, the casual question about so and so.
It starts lighthearted, but you’ll quickly notice how every time you meet this person, your partner has questions about it.
The truth is, if they weren’t insecure in the relationship, they wouldn’t have an issue with you hanging out with other people (within reason, of course).
But if they’re already dealing with feelings of inadequacy, they’ll likely feel suspicious of anyone you’re close to (especially members of the opposite sex).
3) “You’re too good for me.”
This is another phrase to watch out for if you suspect your partner or someone you know is feeling insecure in their relationship.
Even if it’s said as a joke, it hints at the idea that this person feels somehow unworthy.
I had an ex who would say this. I didn’t pay attention to it at the start, thinking he was being sweet.
But as our relationship progressed, I realized that he genuinely didn’t feel like he deserved me.
By recognizing his insecurities, I was then able to reassure him and show him that he was in no way inferior or lacking in amazing qualities.
4) “I’m afraid you’ll find someone better.”
A secure person wouldn’t worry about this, let alone mention it in a relationship. Why?
Because they know what they bring to the table.
They know their partner knows it too. They’re secure in their worth and they know that there’s no one else quite like them.
So if someone says this, it’s a sign they might be feeling insecure. Certainly, it’s a concern of theirs – that you might one day meet someone more interesting, more beautiful, and leave.
5) “You never listen to me.”
If someone mentions this phrase, it’s because they don’t feel like their opinion is taken seriously.
They feel undervalued and ignored.
Whether you mean to make them feel that way or not, it’s a telling phrase that they’re not feeling as secure as they should in the relationship.
My ex used to say this, and it would upset me because I truly did listen to him.
But when I realized he was insecure in general, I figured out ways of making it extra clear that I valued his opinion (like repeating his words back to him, making sure to go with his suggestions when we planned a date, etc etc).
6) “I don’t deserve you.”
See point 3.
But I will add – some people will say this just to show their appreciation. My husband will say it when I’ve gone out of my way and surprised him after he’s had a long day.
He’s not insecure, but rather, grateful.
But if someone uses this phrase alongside the others I’ve mentioned, then there’s a good chance they’re feeling insecure.
7) “Are you sure you’re happy with me?”
You know you’re happy with them, so why don’t they?
Well, unfortunately, insecurity stops people from seeing themselves as they really are.
You could have a lovely relationship, you could make it abundantly clear how happy you are, but if they’re insecure, they’ll struggle to see it.
It’s also an indication that they’re worried about fulfilling your needs.
They’re probably doing everything right, but overthinking + insecurity is a bad combination.
8) “Why don’t you ever compliment me?”
Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But when a person says this, it’s a direct sign that they crave more attention and more validation than what they’re currently receiving.
It also indicates that they don’t feel confident in their appearance, and they want verbal confirmation that you still find them attractive.
This is a pretty easy one to remedy – just make a conscious effort to compliment them every time you notice a new haircut, or even for no reason except to tell them they look nice.
9) “I always mess things up.”
I can bet that they don’t ALWAYS mess things up.
But when someone uses definitive statements like this, it’s a clear sign they struggle with feeling insecure.
They’re being extra hard on themselves because, in their mind, they’re always at fault.
Even if it’s something simple like overcooking the chicken for dinner, they’ll make it into a big deal because deep down, they’re chasing your approval.
A secure person, on the other hand, would recognize that we all make mistakes and it isn’t a big deal if they mess up from time to time.
10) “You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?”
And now for the saddest statement of all…
If someone says this, there’s no doubt they’re insecure.
They’re clearly worrying about you leaving, and a lot of that worry comes from what I mentioned in the previous point (wanting approval/validation, but feeling like they always mess up).
Ultimately, with all the points above, it’s best to approach a person like this with love and understanding.
You can’t make things magically better for them, but by encouraging them to build their own confidence and self-esteem, they’ll naturally start to feel more confident within the relationship.