7 phrases passive-aggressive people use to lower your confidence

Ever heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?”

Well, let me tell you something.

As much as we would like to believe in this old adage, it’s not always true. Words can indeed hurt. Especially when they come from passive-aggressive people aiming to lower your confidence.

Now you might be thinking, “How can I spot these confidence-diminishing phrases?”

Good question.

In reality, it can be pretty tricky to recognize, as these folks have a knack for subtly undermining others. They use certain phrases that might seem harmless on the surface but have a deeper, damaging intent.

So, if you’ve ever faced a situation where someone left you feeling smaller than before, and you couldn’t quite put your finger on why – this article is for you.

Let’s delve into 7 phrases commonly used by passive-aggressive people to chip away at your confidence. 

Let’s get started.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

When someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, it might seem like they’re merely stating their observation. But don’t be fooled.

Look a little closer.

This phrase is often used to dismiss your feelings and make you question your emotional responses. It’s a subtle way of saying, “Your feelings don’t matter.” And that can be quite damaging to your confidence.

Now think about it.

When someone undermines your emotions, it can make you feel like you’re overreacting or being irrational even when you’re not. This can lead to self-doubt and lower your self-esteem.

2) “I was just joking”

This one always gets me.

Allow me to share a personal experience. I remember a friend of mine would often make rude comments about my appearance and then brush it off with a, “I was just joking.” It made me feel self-conscious and unsure of myself.

See what’s happening here?

The phrase “I was just joking” is used as a disguise for hurtful comments. It’s a passive-aggressive way of belittling you and then shifting the blame on you for not being able to take a ‘joke.’

It’s not about having a sense of humor. It’s about respect. And no one should make you feel bad under the guise of humor.

3) “If I were you…”

“If I were you…”

It starts off as seemingly harmless advice, right? But let’s unpack it a bit.

This phrase subtly implies that they know better than you. That their perspective or way of handling things is superior. And that can be a real blow to your confidence.

It’s like saying, “You’re not capable enough to make your own decisions.” It undermines your autonomy and makes you question your judgment.

Consider this – just because someone says they would do something differently doesn’t mean their way is the right way or the only way.

You are unique, with your own strengths, experiences, and insights. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. Stand firm in your decisions and trust in your abilities.

4) “Don’t take it personally”

Ever heard this before?

“Don’t take it personally” – sounds familiar, doesn’t it? It’s a phrase that’s often used to soften the blow of criticism or negative feedback.

But here’s the catch.

By telling you not to take things personally, the person is essentially giving themselves a free pass to say hurtful things without considering the impact on you. It’s a way of absolving themselves from any guilt or responsibility for their words or actions.

And that’s not fair, is it?

It’s perfectly okay to take things personally, especially when they affect you directly. You have every right to feel hurt or upset. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

5) “No offense, but…”

“No offense, but…” – an all too common prelude to something that’s probably going to be offensive.

It’s interesting how this phrase is used. You see, linguists have found that when people say “no offense,” they’re often about to say something they know could be hurtful or offensive. It’s like a preemptive strike – an attempt to ward off any backlash before it happens.

But don’t let this phrase fool you. It’s a classic passive-aggressive tactic used to lower your confidence by providing negative criticism or feedback while trying to appear innocent.

6) “You wouldn’t understand”

Here’s another phrase you might have encountered.

“You wouldn’t understand” – it can leave you feeling excluded and belittled, can’t it? It’s as if your thoughts, feelings, or experiences aren’t valuable enough to comprehend the situation.

And that can hurt.

But let me tell you something. Your experiences and your feelings are valid. You have the capacity to understand and empathize with situations and emotions, even if they’re not identical to your own.

When someone uses this phrase, they’re trying to keep you at a distance, to make you feel less than. Their inability to communicate effectively or their reluctance to share doesn’t define your worth or your capacity to understand.

7) “It’s just your imagination”

This one is a biggie.

“It’s just your imagination” – it’s a phrase that can really mess with your confidence. It questions your reality and makes you doubt your perceptions.

What you need to know is this: Your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions are valid. They are real. They are yours. And nobody has the right to dismiss them.

When someone says it’s just your imagination, it’s often a way for them to avoid accountability or to manipulate you into questioning your judgment.

Final thoughts

If these phrases ring a bell, you’ve likely been on the receiving end of some passive-aggressive behavior. But here’s what’s important – you now know what to look out for.

Awareness is the first step. Recognizing these undermining tactics gives you the power to challenge them. You’re no longer in the dark.

Your feelings, perceptions, and experiences are valid. Don’t let anyone make you question them. When someone tries to belittle your confidence with these phrases, stand firm in your truth.

Change won’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. It takes time to unlearn the impact of these subtle underminings on your confidence. But every step you take towards dismissing these behaviors counts.

Know this – you are more than capable. You are enough. Don’t let anyone or any phrase make you feel otherwise.

And finally, be kind to yourself during this journey. It might be tough at times, but you’re taking steps towards reclaiming your confidence. And that’s something worth celebrating.

Mia Zhang

Mia Zhang blends Eastern and Western perspectives in her approach to self-improvement. Her writing explores the intersection of cultural identity and personal growth. Mia encourages readers to embrace their unique backgrounds as a source of strength and inspiration in their life journeys.

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