Lachlan Brown
When someone is self-obsessed, they’re entirely focused on their own needs and desires, often at the expense of others.
As the founder of Hack Spirit and a mindfulness enthusiast, I’ve done quite a bit of research into psychology and human behavior. I’ve come across a few telltale phrases that self-obsessed people tend to use.
In this article, we’re taking a fascinating look at how our words can reveal more about our mindset than we might realize.
So let’s not waste any time and dive right in.
1) “I, me, my”
Self-obsessed people have a tendency to overuse personal pronouns – “I”, “me”, and “my”.
Their world revolves around them, and this is reflected in their language. Their conversations are often one-sided, focusing almost entirely on their own experiences, thoughts, and feelings.
This self-focus isn’t inherently bad. After all, we all use these pronouns to share our thoughts and experiences.
But when someone consistently places themselves at the center of every conversation, it can indicate a lack of interest or empathy for others.
The key is balance. Healthy conversations should involve a balance of “I” and “you”, reflecting mutual interest and respect.
As Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
This quote beautifully captures the essence of self-awareness versus self-obsession. It’s about accepting ourselves but also acknowledging our responsibility to change and grow for the better.
2) “You just don’t understand”
Another phrase often used by self-obsessed people is “You just don’t understand”. This is a way for them to dismiss other’s perspectives and opinions.
I remember a time when I tried to offer advice to a friend who was going through a tough phase. Instead of appreciating the advice or giving it some thought, he immediately dismissed it saying, “You just don’t understand”.
This was his way of maintaining control over the conversation and shifting the focus back onto himself.
It was as if his experiences were so unique that no one else could possibly understand or offer valuable insight.
As renowned psychologist Albert Bandura once said, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.”
However, struggling together means valuing the perspectives and experiences of others, not dismissing them outright.
3) “No one else could possibly do it better”
Self-obsessed individuals tend to have an inflated sense of their own abilities and worth. They believe they’re the best at everything they do, often disregarding the skills and contributions of others.
This belief can manifest in phrases like “No one else could possibly do it better”. By making such absolute statements, they’re asserting their superiority and diminishing the value of others.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into the Buddhist concept of egolessness.
This principle encourages us to recognize our interconnectedness and appreciate the value each person brings to the table.
Rather than asserting our own superiority, Buddhism teaches us to cultivate humility and respect for others.
4) “I deserve this”
The phrase “I deserve this” is another common refrain among self-obsessed individuals. While it’s important to acknowledge our achievements and hard work, consistently feeling entitled to rewards can be a sign of an inflated ego.
A healthy sense of self-worth is crucial for our well-being. However, a constant need for external validation and rewards can indicate a lack of self-esteem.
This need often stems from an inability to internally validate one’s worth, leading to a reliance on external affirmation.
In psychology, this behavior is often linked to narcissism, a personality trait characterized by an inflated sense of importance and a deep need for admiration.
We are our choices. A healthier approach might be to focus on making choices that align with our values and contribute positively to our lives and the lives of others.
5) “I’m not being self-obsessed”
Ironically, one of the phrases that self-obsessed people often use is “I’m not being self-obsessed”. This counter-intuitive statement usually comes up when their self-centered behavior is called out.
Self-obsessed individuals often lack self-awareness. They may not realize how their words and actions come across to others, and they may genuinely believe they’re not being self-centered.
However, the constant need to defend oneself against such accusations might point to a deep-seated insecurity.
If someone frequently feels the need to assert that they’re not self-centered, they might unconsciously be acknowledging that their behavior could be perceived that way.
Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
6) “But enough about you, let’s talk about me”
This phrase is a clear indicator of someone who is self-obsessed. They might appear to be interested in others, but their attention quickly reverts back to themselves.
In conversations, they might listen to others only for a short while before shifting the focus back onto their own experiences or achievements.
It’s as if they’re waiting for their turn to speak rather than truly listening and engaging.
This behavior not only signals self-obsession but also a lack of empathy and genuine interest in others.
A healthy conversation involves a balance of speaking and listening, with everyone having an opportunity to express themselves.
7) “Nobody understands me”
The phrase “Nobody understands me” is often used as a way to maintain a sense of uniqueness and superiority.
It’s a way of stating that their thoughts, feelings, or experiences are so unique that they are beyond the comprehension of ordinary people.
This, however, is often a way to avoid dealing with valid criticism or feedback. By positioning themselves as misunderstood, they can dismiss perspectives that challenge their worldview or behavior.
In truth, everyone has unique experiences and perspectives. Yet, this doesn’t negate the fact that we can learn from and empathize with each other.
As Sigmund Freud said, “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” Instead of dismissing others’ perspectives as misunderstanding, it might be more productive to engage in self-reflection and consider the feedback we receive.
8) “I don’t care what others think”
This phrase is a classic one often used by self-obsessed individuals. On the surface, it might seem like a statement of independence and strength, but it often hides a disregard for the feelings and opinions of others.
While it’s important not to be overly influenced by others’ opinions, completely disregarding them can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding. It can also indicate an inability to accept criticism or feedback, which are essential for personal growth.
Interpersonal relationships and social connections play a critical role in emotional well-being. Therefore, showing respect for others’ thoughts and feelings is crucial.
Wrapping it up: The journey towards self-awareness
We’re all a work in progress and have room for growth and improvement. The key lies in self-awareness and a willingness to change for the better.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into the concept of egolessness. This principle encourages us to recognize our interconnectedness and appreciate the value each person brings to the table.
So, as you go about your day, pay attention to your conversations. Listen more than you speak. Show genuine interest in others.
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