Don’t you just hate fights?
I know I do, especially with my significant other.
I mean, it’s so easy for a small argument to escalate and leave both parties feeling like crap for days, even weeks, after.
But what if I told you there was something you could do to stop these fights before they start?
You see, there are certain phrases that happy couples use whenever there is a misunderstanding, miscommunication, or tension of any kind to nip things in the bud.
If you want to learn to stop fights before they begin, then read on to find out what these phrases are.
1) “Can we talk about this calmly?”
When you ask your partner to talk calmly, you’re reminding them to slow down and take a breath.
You’re also telling them that you want to have a rational discussion instead of letting your emotions take over.
Hopefully, they’ll hear what you’re saying and you’ll manage to talk things out and avoid a serious fight.
2) “I hear what you’re saying, and I understand your perspective.”
Don’t want to argue?
That’s why it’s really important to actively listen to what your partner is saying, to let them know that you understand where they’re coming from as well as to validate their feelings.
While you may not always agree with what they’re saying, it’s really important to hear them out and at least try to see things their way.
Trust me, a little empathy and understanding go a long way to de-escalating tension.
3) “Let’s take a break and cool off before discussing this further.”
I’ve personally found taking a step back from an emotional situation to be very useful.
Like if I need to make an important decision about something that’s got me all riled up, I’ll sleep on it and see how I feel the next day.
Well, the same thing goes for relationships and arguments.
Temporarily stepping away from a heated discussion allows both partners to regain composure and approach the issue with a clearer mind.
Does that sound good?
4) “I love you and I don’t want this to turn into a fight.”
It’s good to remind your partner (and yourself) of your love and commitment from time to time.
You’re lovers, not enemies.
It’s in both your interests to avoid a fight and maintain a harmonious relationship.
So, I suggest you talk things out like adults and then go do something fun together.
Off you go.
5) “Can we find a compromise?”
A lot of the time small arguments turn into big fights because both sides are too stubborn to meet each other halfway.
The great thing about this phrase is that it encourages problem-solving and a collaborative approach, shifting the focus from conflict to resolution.
That’s why happy couples know just how important it is to be willing to make compromises.
6) “Let’s work together to resolve this.”
A happy and healthy relationship is often the result of teamwork.
Telling your partner, “Let’s work together to resolve this” reminds them that you’re both on the same side and need to work together instead of against each other to overcome various obstacles.
Trust me, it’s a great way to stop a fight before it starts and strengthen your relationship.
7) “I hear what you’re saying and I’d like you to hear my point of view.”
Basically, you’re asking your partner to give you the same courtesy you gave them – to listen to what you have to say and try to see things your way.
Hopefully, this will lead you to find a mutual understanding and stop a potential fight.
8) “I’m sorry if I upset you; that wasn’t my intention.”
At some point in our lives, we’ve all found ourselves saying something hurtful without meaning to.
Doesn’t it suck when you realize that someone you love and care about is upset because of some words you uttered?
Well, sometimes our words come out all wrong and we convey a different meaning than we intended.
When that happens, it’s important to apologize immediately.
Don’t get defensive!
Don’t try to explain or justify yourself!
Instead, say “sorry” because you care about your partner’s feelings and you didn’t mean to upset them. Right?
9) “I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”
Sometimes we choose the wrong words and at other times we omit to say something…
Sometimes we’re so quick to jump to conclusions without hearing the other person out completely or taking a moment to think about the real meaning behind their words.
Whenever that happens, it’s important to clarify things in order to stop misunderstandings from turning into arguments.
10) “How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again in the future?”
Instead of getting into an argument over how or why something happened and whose fault it was, it’s a good idea to focus on being proactive so that it doesn’t happen again.
See what both of you can do to avoid finding yourselves in the same situation next time.
Here are some examples:
- Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. You need to be able to tell each other what you’re thinking.
- If you’re gonna be late home from work, tell your partner not to wait for you to eat dinner.
- If you’re planning to hang out with your friends during the weekend, let your partner know in advance so they don’t count on you being around.
- And if you’re planning on spending time with your partner, let them know so they don’t make other plans!
Trust me, communication is key to avoiding fights.
11) “I value our relationship more than being right.”
Isn’t that a sweet thing to say?
I certainly wouldn’t mind hearing it every now and again…
The truth is that as much as we’d like to, we can’t always be right.
And when someone is so stubborn and pig-headed that they can’t see when they’re wrong or that there may be another way to do things, they usually end up driving their partners crazy.
And guess what?
That more often than not leads to arguments.
So ask yourself, is your being “right” and having things your way worth fighting with someone you love?
12) “I’d like to understand you better. Can you tell me why you feel that way?”
When your partner is upset because of something you said or did, don’t just brush it off and say, “You’re being silly.”
If you want to work things out and avoid a fight, then you really need to try and understand why your partner is upset.
“I’d like to understand you better. Can you tell me why you feel that way?” encourages dialogue and gives your partner a chance to share their feelings and concerns.
13) “Let’s focus on the issue at hand and not bring up past grievances.”
I know from personal experience just how easy it is to blow a small disagreement out of proportion by dredging up the past.
You know what I’m talking about, “You forgot to put the milk back in the fridge again” turns into “You never do anything around the house. I’m not your servant!”
So, before that happens, try to get your partner to focus on what’s happening now.
Also, I suggest that you deal with problems as they come up.
Share your thoughts and feelings with each other.
Cry. Hug. Agree or disagree. Find a compromise.
Just don’t pretend like nothing happened because it will come back and bite you in the bu**.
14) “I appreciate your patience and understanding in this situation.”
There’s always one partner who is more patient and understanding than the other.
When it’s your partner, don’t take their behavior for granted.
Maybe they’re at the end of their rope and about to lose their patience.
Maybe they’re tired of being so damn understanding.
Defuse any tension by remembering to express gratitude for your partner’s patience and understanding!
15) “How do you suggest we resolve this?”
If you feel like a fight is just around the corner, why not stop it from occurring by asking your partner to contribute to the solution?
Let them know that you want to work things out and that you’re open to hearing what they need from you.
16) “I’m here for you, and I’m committed to making this work.”
Look, sometimes people get into fights with their partners because they’re upset about things that have nothing to do with them or their relationship.
If you feel like this is the case with you, don’t let your partner drag you into an argument.
Let your partner know that you’re there to support them, no matter what.
17) “Let’s remember all the reasons we fell in love in the first place.”
Finally, when things look gloomy and your relationship seems to be in trouble, you need to remember why you love each other.
Instead of focusing on what you disagree on – think about all the things you have in common.
This phrase will help your partner keep a sense of perspective and remind them that, even during hard times, the love you have for each other can be a source of strength and a foundation for resolving conflicts.