7 phrases emotionally mature women never use in an argument

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Have you ever found yourself in the heat of an argument, words flying faster than thoughts, only to later regret what came out of your mouth? I sure have, more times than I’d like to admit, reacting instead of responding, and later wishing I could take my words back.

It’s in these moments of high tension and heated debates that our emotional maturity is truly tested. And, let’s be real, it’s not always a test we pass with flying colors.

However, emotionally mature women possess a kind of grace under fire, an ability to navigate conflicts without resorting to harmful or destructive language.

It’s not that they never feel angry or frustrated; rather, they just choose their words wisely, even when every fiber of their being wants to let loose.

So, what are those no-go phrases for someone trying to handle an argument like a pro?

Let’s look at the seven things emotionally mature women avoid saying during an argument, and how dodging these words can really make a difference in how we all get along.

1) “You always…” or “You never…”

We’ve all been guilty of using these terms in a disagreement.

Statements like, “You never listen to me,” or “You always forget important dates,” may feel like a handy way to express frustration, but they can actually be quite harmful.

Here’s why.

These sweeping generalizations can make the other person feel attacked, and more often than not, they’re simply not accurate. Nobody ‘always’ or ‘never’ does anything. Life is a lot more nuanced than that.

They avoid such absolute terms because they know it’s not about pointing fingers but rather expressing feelings and finding solutions.

Instead of putting the other person on the defensive, they opt for phrases like “I feel overlooked when…” or “I notice that sometimes…”.

This not only softens the blow but also promotes open, empathetic communication.

2) “It’s not a big deal.”

Perhaps you’ve said it, or maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of this phrase.

I know I have.

A few years back, during a disagreement with a close friend, I found myself uttering these words, thinking they would diffuse the tension. But boy, was I wrong!

You see, what I perceived as “not a big deal,” was quite significant to her.

My dismissal of her feelings only escalated the argument.

Emotionally mature women, as I have come to learn, don’t belittle or dismiss others’ feelings or perspectives. Even if they don’t fully comprehend why something might be a big deal to the other person, they acknowledge it. They recognize that everyone’s feelings are valid and deserve respect.

Instead of dismissing the other party’s feelings, they might say something like, “I can see this really matters to you” or “Help me understand why this is so important to you.”

It made all the difference when I started doing this. Trust me, acknowledging someone’s feelings can go a long way in resolving disputes and strengthening relationships.

3) “Whatever!”

“Whatever.” It’s the verbal equivalent of a shoulder shrug, an eye roll, a door slam.

It’s a conversation ender, and not in a good way.

I’ve been there. On both sides.

It’s easy to say when you’re tired or frustrated, wanting to end an argument without actually resolving anything. But it’s a pitfall. A big one.

Emotionally mature women understand that “whatever” is not a solution, not a resolution. It’s an escape, and a temporary one at that.

Instead, they lean into the discomfort of the argument with phrases like “Can we take a break and revisit this later?” or “I need some time to process this.”

It’s about acknowledging the need for a pause, not slamming the door on the conversation. It respects both parties’ need for space while keeping the path open for resolution.

So next time you’re tempted to drop the “W” bomb, remember this.

4) “If you loved me, you would…”

It’s a manipulative phrase, often used to guilt-trip the other person into doing something or seeing things your way.

Love is not about manipulation or control. It’s about respect, understanding, and acceptance.

They never use love as a bargaining chip in an argument. They understand that everyone has a right to their feelings and opinions, and these shouldn’t be tied to their love for someone.

If they’re seeking understanding or change in behavior, they communicate it directly instead of using emotional blackmail.

Remember, love is a powerful emotion, but it’s not a tool for manipulation. Keep it pure, keep it respectful.

5) “I guess I’m just not good enough.”

It’s a phrase that echoes insecurity, disguised as self-depreciation.

Instead of resorting to such negative self-talk, emotionally mature women choose to express their feelings in a constructive manner.

They might say “I feel undervalued when…” or “It seems like my efforts aren’t being recognized…”

This approach encourages a conversation about the issue at hand without devaluing oneself.

Remember, words have power – the power to build us up or break us down. Choose yours wisely.

6) “I don’t care.”

It’s a phrase we often use as a shield, protecting ourselves from potential emotional hurt.

We say it, but we rarely mean it. Beneath the surface of those three words lies a world of feelings we aren’t ready to face or express.

Emotionally intelligent women realize that saying “I don’t care” is often a defense mechanism, not a reflection of true feelings.

Instead of retreating behind this phrase, they choose to express their vulnerability. They might say, “I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now” or “I need some time to think.”

It’s about acknowledging the complexity of our feelings and giving ourselves the permission to feel them.

7) “This is all your fault.”

Let’s get real — finger-pointing seldom leads to resolution. Emotionally mature women understand that. 

They get that assigning blame isn’t the solution. It’s about taking responsibility for their own actions and feelings, and encouraging others to do the same.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not about who’s right or wrong. It’s about understanding each other and growing together. 

Final thoughts

If you’ve recognized some of these phrases in your own arguments, don’t be too hard on yourself. We’re all a work in progress.

The beauty of emotional maturity is that it’s not a fixed trait, but a skill that can be honed with time, patience, and self-awareness.

Start by observing your language during disagreements. Notice how certain phrases make you feel and how they impact the other person.

Once you become aware of these patterns, you can begin to shift your language towards empathy, respect, and understanding.

Remember – disagreements are a natural part of human relationships. It’s not about avoiding them, but navigating them with grace and emotional intelligence.

Every argument is an opportunity for growth. An opportunity to deepen understanding, to foster connection, to build stronger and healthier relationships.

So next time you find yourself in the heat of an argument, take a deep breath. Remember these phrases and choose your words wisely.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about winning an argument. It’s about taking care of the relationship.

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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