9 phrases emotionally immature men love to use, according to psychology

Dating an emotionally immature man is like walking barefoot over hot coals…

It not only hurts while you do it, but the pain you’re left with is sometimes even worse. 

Men with little or no emotional intelligence will damage and scar you for life. 

Healing from a relationship with a guy who doesn’t understand his emotions and, therefore, also has low empathy can take years. 

The moment you realize you’re dealing with a man like this, get out!

“But how would I know,” you ask?

Emotionally immature men often say things that give them away.

The first is…

1) “You’re being too sensitive”

Emotional validation is incredibly important in relationships. But when a man uses this phrase, he does the exact opposite. 

This is a classic sign of gaslighting – a psychological tactic used to make someone question their own feelings and perceptions. 

Men who are unable or unwilling to acknowledge feelings – their own and yours – often say this. 

Usually, it’s to deflect responsibility for whatever they did that contributed to how you’re feeling or to simply invalidate your feelings because they disagree. 

So, instead of addressing the content of your concerns, he shifts the focus back to you and implies that the problem isn’t with the situation but with your reaction to it. 

A guy with emotional intelligence might explain that he didn’t intend to make you feel the way you do and also be willing to understand your perspective. 

He’ll want to talk about the situation instead of dismissing your feelings.

2) “I hate drama”

Besides saying you’re too sensitive, an emotionally immature guy might even add that he thinks you’re overreacting and that he hates drama.

Ironically, he might be the one creating it… 

Now, hang on. 

It’s totally reasonable to want to avoid conflict. No one enjoys unnecessary drama. 

But when a guy always uses this phrase to avoid legitimate, necessary discussions, it’s problematic. 

Relationships naturally have ups and downs.

Labeling any emotional expression or confrontation as “drama” minimizes the other person’s concerns and discourages open communication. 

If a man uses this phrase often, especially when things get heated, it’s a sign of emotional avoidance. 

Emotionally mature men might also get irritated when there’s always drama just for the sake of drama, but usually, instead of shutting you down, he’ll always try to resolve conflict, especially if the relationship is important to him. 

3) “If you really loved me, you would…”

Simply put, this phrase is blackmail. 

And emotionally immature men typically love to use it. 

It’s one way they try to control or influence your actions because they dislike compromising. 

You see, when a guy is emotionally immature, he’ll refuse to accept that the two of you think and do differently. His way will be the only one that matters. 

And he’ll use phrases like these to suggest that you’ll only be able to prove your love for him if you think the way he does or do something specific. 

Using love as leverage compromises the authenticity of relationships.

According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist specializing in marital stability and relationship analysis, emotional blackmail can lead to resentment and is classified as emotional abuse

Emotionally mature men will understand that you’re an individual person and try to find a compromise that respects both of your needs. 

4) “Whatever, it’s not a big deal”

Besides signaling a dismissive attitude, when men use this phrase in conversations where feelings and concerns are being expressed, it shows they don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with issues that require emotional depth or consequences.

Usually, it’s a defense mechanism. 

Emotionally immature men try to avoid confronting issues that make them uncomfortable. 

So, by minimizing whatever they face to “no big deal,” they sidestep the need for emotional involvement, aka they don’t challenge their emotional comfort zones. 

5) “Stop overthinking everything”

This remark is another form of emotional invalidation.

And men typically say it when they prefer to keep things superficial. 

Some may argue that they just want you to relax or worry less, but if you hear this often, your guy might be too emotionally immature to handle the complexities of your thoughts. 

An emotionally intelligent man might admit that he doesn’t really understand why something worries you so much but that he’d like you to explain more so he can help you sort through it. 

6) “Just calm down”

According to psychologist Dr. Daniel Goleman (known for his work on emotional intelligence), emotionally mature people can recognize emotions in others and respond appropriately to them.

This phrase?

Well, it doesn’t sound like an appropriate response to me. Especially if a guy uses it when you’re feeling stressed or vulnerable. 

It comes across as a little patronizing, to be honest. 

Similar to being called dramatic, this remark suggests that your emotional response isn’t valid. 

Emotionally mature men would never…

They know hearing this when you’re already upset is not helpful and can even be hurtful. 

Instead, they’ll reassure you that it’s okay to feel like you do and give you space to express yourself and feel heard. 

7) “That’s just how I am”

One thing that’s guaranteed about men with low emotional intelligence is that they’ll always avoid responsibility, personal growth, and change. 

This is typically because they have a huge ego and refuse to confront their flaws. 

Self-awareness is a big part of emotional intelligence.

Emotionally mature people often reflect on their behaviors and look for ways to improve so they can be the least harmful version of themselves. 

If a guy lacks emotional intelligence, he’ll believe that he is the way he is and that there’s nothing wrong with that. 

(Because he’s just being himself, and we’re “not supposed to change” for anyone, right?)

But here’s the problem:

When people cling to the idea that they shouldn’t or cannot change, they often also struggle to understand why their actions might hurt someone else.

Aka, they lack empathy.

Emotionally mature men aren’t like this. They can accept that they’re sometimes the problem and will always be open to discussing how they can improve and what changes might be needed to keep their relationship with you healthy. 

8) “It’s not my problem”

I used to be with someone who said this a lot. 

If something didn’t affect him directly, he didn’t care to show me support. 

His excuse?

He didn’t like drama. So, if it wasn’t his problem, he didn’t want to get involved. 

For the longest time, I thought I was the problem because I couldn’t let things go as quickly as he did. And especially because I wanted him to back me.

It was only when our relationship almost ended that I realized his dismissive attitude was actually a sign of emotional avoidance. 

The issue, however, was that his emotional detachment didn’t just affect the immediate situation but also led to resentment. 

As it became a habitual response, I eventually didn’t even want to turn to him for support and started feeling irritated because I had a partner who didn’t fight any of my battles with me. 

The worst part? And a telltale sign of genuine emotional immaturity…

Is when men use this phrase often but expect you to be there for them when the tables turn. And if you aren’t? They get mad. 

Emotionally mature guys see issues as something that’s important and needs to be dealt with if it affects you, even when they’re not directly impacted. 

Instead of dismissing the problem, he’ll immediately want to help. 

9) “You always complicate things”

When life gets a little hard to handle, emotionally immature people like to shift the blame.

Instead of admitting that they’re having a hard time navigating the emotions or situation in front of them, they’ll dismiss you by saying your feelings are overly complex or irrational. 

Truth is, men who lack emotional intelligence need to keep things simple because they don’t have the emotional skills to address the difficult issues.

So, they try to make it seem like you’re the one who’s making a big deal of something that isn’t. 

An emotionally intelligent man will try to understand what exactly it is that makes the situation seem so complicated to you. 

They’ll try to get you to take a step back and work with you through your concerns.

Not always because they get it but because they understand that you see things differently. 

Being around an emotionally mature guy or sharing your feelings with them will never make you feel like you’re too much. 

Conversations about feelings can be tough, I get that.

But if a man isn’t emotionally immature, he’ll still handle emotional matters with respect instead of dismissing them because he doesn’t really understand or disagrees. 

And this readiness to be there for you will help create a deep emotional bond in your relationship. 

So, if the guy you’re with makes you feel crappy every time you try to explain your feelings or show any emotion that he might not like, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of hurt if you continue seeing him. 

Natasha Combrink

Nats is a writer who loves creating content for purposeful brands. She enjoys spending time outdoors, crafting, and diving down rabbit holes. After rediscovering life, she wants to help others live to their full potential. You can connect with her on LinkedIn.

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