15 personality traits that make a man instantly unappealing

The older I get, the more selective I become about the people I allow into my life.

Perhaps I’m less tolerant, or maybe I’m finally wise enough to understand that there are certain qualities I’m not willing to put up with.

And If I spot these in a man I just started seeing, I don’t walk away from him. I run.

Here are 15 personality traits that make a man instantly unappealing.

Ask any woman, and they’ll label these as red flags.

1) Flaky

Inconsistency is a big turn-off.

A man can promise you the moon – but if he never delivers, you’re better off alone.

Luckily, this is a personality trait you can identify from early on:

  • He’s coy about making concrete plans
  • He cancels plans with little warning (or none at all)
  • He offers vague or insincere excuses for not following through on their commitments
  • He ghosts you for days on end
  • He shows up late for dates
  • He conveniently forgets about any promises he made you

Women want someone who is reliable and shows up for them. 

Preferably on time.

2) Arrogant

I love me a confident guy. If he knows his strengths and takes the initiative, I swoon.

That said, there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

I immediately lose interest if I notice that a man has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and looks down on others.

If he brags about his accomplishments, talks over me, and dismisses others’ opinions because he knows best, he’s not someone I’ll have fun spending time with.

Hanging around waiting for him to get off his high chair sounds like a recipe for disappointment.

3) Condescending

On a similar note, if a man talks down to me, he’s instantly unappealing.

Imagine being on a date with a guy, revealing that you enjoy romance novels, and him scolding you for not reading “serious literature.”

Teasing is cute. Implying that you’re inferior, not so much.

Additionally, a patronizing or demeaning tone won’t get you far with the ladies.

There’s a reason why mansplaining has become a commonly used term.

At least acting snobby is slightly less irritating than the next personality trait on the list.

4) Rude

I’m big into kindness. While I can understand occasional lapses in manners, especially if you had a bad day, I draw the line at downright rudeness.

The logic is sound: if you’re rude to everyone else, you’ll eventually be rude to me as well, despite the amiable front you put up in the beginning.

Rude behavior can include, but is not limited to:

  • Insensitive remarks
  • Disregarding boundaries
  • Insulting or shaming others
  • Not saying “please” and “thank you”

Most women like men with a big heart. There’s more room in there to get cozy.

5) Dishonest

Honesty is sexy.

If a woman catches a man in a lie, their ability to build trust goes out the window. So, yes, dishonesty makes any guy instantly unappealing.

Perhaps he isn’t open about his relationship status, inconsistent in his stories, or secretive when you inquire about his actions or whereabouts.

Whatever it may be, it’s clear that he doesn’t deserve your time or energy.   

6) (Overwhelmingly) Jealous

A man displaying a little jealousy can be flattering.

When that jealousy becomes excessive, however, it’s cause for concern.

Excessive jealousy leads to unnecessary conflict, endless frustration, and a severe lack of trust.

It can also be an early sign that the man is possessive, which only spells trouble in the long run.

7) Controlling

There’s no sugar-coating this: a controlling man will have any woman running for the hills.

If he checks in all the time and insists on making decisions for you (like ordering for you in a restaurant or suggesting what you should wear), this behavior will only get more abusive with time.

It should go without saying, but women want to be in relationships where they feel respected and free to be themselves.

8) Manipulative

Manipulative behavior is another red flag – and a big one at that.

Thankfully, women can learn how to trust their instincts and be vigilant about noticing early signs of manipulation:

  • Love-bombing – excessive attention and flattery in the early days
  • Guilt-tripping – “If you really liked me, you would make time for me”
  • Conditional affection – he only gives you attention when you comply with his desires
  • Silent treatment – he stops replying to you or spending time with you when you do something he disapproves of
  • Mixed messages – he is hot, then cold, keeping you guessing about his true feelings and intentions

Walking away from a manipulative man is the only way to protect yourself from a potentially harmful relationship.

9) Short-tempered

For women, public displays of rage and/or violence are a huge no-no.    

A man who loses his cool at the slightest inconvenience isn’t someone a woman wants around.

If the guy can’t control his anger or frustration, his fury might escalate once you’re together.

10) Selfish

Selfish men take more than they give. Women want no part of that.

As a result, we learn what to look for to discern whether we’re dealing with someone selfless or the guy will make our relationship all about him.

If a man dismisses our needs and desires, isn’t around when we need support, and can’t compromise for the life of him, we’ll direct our attention elsewhere.

The little things matter too.

Oh, he can’t be bothered to pick you up for your date because it’s inconvenient for him?

The makeup goes off, and the PJs come on.

11) Entitled

Being entitled shows a lack of humility and a habit of setting unrealistic expectations.

Generally speaking, women want to be with someone willing to do the hard work required to maintain a long-term romantic relationship.

If the guy expects to be handed everything on a silver platter, there’s a good chance he’ll bail at the first sign of trouble.

12) Whiny

Everyone complains. It’s human nature.

But no woman wants to be with a whiny man who doesn’t take responsibility for his actions.

I once casually dated a guy for whom accountability was a foreign concept. 

The universe was conspiring against him, he was always miserable, and nothing ever went in his favor.

One time, as he was looking for a new job, he told me how unfair it is that no one calls him in to interview.

When I took a quick look at his CV and job applications, it became clear that the hiring managers weren’t the problem.  

We didn’t last long.

13) Closed-minded

A closed-minded man is resistant to new ideas and perspectives.

Given that the only constant in life is change, how will he be able to cope with curveballs that might come at him in the future?

Moreover, will he be able to truly consider the woman’s viewpoints and feelings once they become romantically involved?

Probably not, making the closed-minded man instantly unappealing.

14) Superficial

You can’t establish an emotional connection with someone who only cares about looks, social status, or how much you earn.

A superficial man usually lacks depth in his interactions and relationships with others.

The odds of any woman giving him the time of day once she sees his true colors is slim to none.

15) Lazy

I’ll be the first to admit that I can be lazy, especially in my downtime. I’m a big fan of lounging and doing nothing.

But I’m as hardworking as they come when it comes to chasing my goals.

On that note, I’m not saying that a guy being a couch potato is an instant red flag.

(Unless, maybe, for women who like to stay active.)

I mean lazy as in showing a profound disinterest in his own life.

If a man is apathetic, doesn’t care about his well-being, and has no dreams he wants to pursue, his appeal drops significantly.  

Do you know any woman who would want to be with someone utterly indifferent about his future?  

Final thoughts

People can learn, and negative traits can be improved with a bit of work and self-awareness.

But regardless of how attractive a man may be, exhibiting the flaws on this list is a warning sign.

Any woman would think twice before giving him another chance.


If someone displays these 18 behaviors, they have a manipulative personality

If your partner displays these 13 behaviors, they’re a truly supportive person