Adrian Volenik
Are you seemingly finding yourself in toxic relationships over and over again? Would you like to finally break this cycle?
There are some personality traits or behaviors that may make you more vulnerable to toxic relationships or contribute to unhealthy patterns.
To not land or stop landing in toxic relationships, you need to first recognize what traits and patterns lead you in that direction.
But ultimately, relationships arenโt solely the responsibility of one person. Toxicity can stem from both partnersโ behaviors and interactions.
So without further delay, here are 12 personality traits that can land you in toxic relationships.
1) Insecurity and constant need for validation
Being insecure and constantly needing validation and approval from others is a combination that can land you in toxic relationships. Especially if itโs coupled with some other traits on this list.
People constantly seeking external validation and reassurance place excessive demands on their partner, leading to a draining and unhealthy dynamic. This frequently creates feelings of suffocation and contributes to toxicity.
But insecure people may also put up with toxic behavior more. They often do this out of fear they wonโt find another relationship and a fear of abandonment.
They may also be more susceptible to manipulation, which includes guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or deception to control or exploit their partner.
Reducing insecurity and low self-esteem is a gradual process that requires self-reflection, self-compassion, and consistent effort.
2) Addictive or self-destructive tendencies
Are you struggling with addiction or self-destructive behaviors? If so, thatโs almost a surefire way to inadvertently create toxic relationships, even if they havenโt started as such.
These red-flag behaviors can impact your ability to maintain healthy connections and, unfortunately, contribute to a cycle of toxicity.
It goes without saying that addictive or self-destructive behaviors can result in emotional instability, mood swings, and unpredictable behavior.
This causes turmoil and conflict within the relationship, as the non-addicted partner may struggle to understand and cope with the erratic emotional state of their partner.
They also often involve lying, deception, and broken promises, naturally eroding trust between partners, leading to constant suspicion, resentment, and an unhealthy environment.
3) Fear of conflict
Fear of conflict or confrontation sits inside many people holding them hostage in relationships, bad workplaces, and even their families.
If youโre shying away from confrontations, disagreements, or situations that may lead to conflict, what chance do you have to stand up for yourself?
Fear of conflict can stem from different sources, including past traumas, upbringing, cultural background, or simply your personality type.
Iโm not keen on conflict, and Iโm sure most people are like that, including you. So if the other partner has a stronger personality in this sense, it can lead to an imbalance.
While avoiding conflict typically provides short-term peace, it often allows issues to fester and become more significant over time.
In toxic relationships, the fear of conflict can be particularly detrimental, enabling harmful behaviors to continue unchecked.
To overcome this fear, you first have to acknowledge it and understand its origins. After that, building self-confidence and self-esteem, as well as improving communication skills, is a must.
Of course, you can always seek professional help too.
4) Fear of abandonment
Another fear that holds us down too often is the fear of abandonment. We tolerate our partnerโs unhealthy behavior because we fear being alone or abandoned.
This is often an irrational and deep-rooted fear that weโll be deserted, rejected, or left alone by our loved ones.
If you have this fear, you may become overly clingy and dependent on your partner or overly jealous and possessive.
If even minor incidents or perceived slights can trigger intense emotional reactions, such as anger, sadness, or withdrawal, you will end up in a toxic relationship.
To overcome a fear of abandonment, you must learn to derive a sense of security from within rather than relying entirely on others for reassurance.
Weโre continuing in a similar fashion with this next trait.
5) Codependency
Let me ask you something. Do you constantly anticipate and meet the needs of your partner, friends, or family members? Do you set and enforce healthy boundaries?
You see, codependency, just like the fear of abandonment, can lead us to engage and stay in toxic relationships.
Theyโre similar because we prioritize othersโ needs and happiness over our own, to the point of neglecting our own well-being.
This often attracts partners who take advantage of selflessness, leading to imbalanced and unhealthy dynamics.
Once again, the solution is to prioritize self-care, set healthy boundaries, and develop a strong sense of self-worth that isnโt solely dependent on relationships with others.
Easier said than done, right?
6) Lack of empathy or being overly empathetic
Both extremes of empathy arenโt good for healthy relationships.
A lack of empathy makes it difficult for you to understand or relate to your partnerโs emotions and needs. This can result in dismissive or uncaring behavior, causing emotional harm and enabling a toxic environment.
Being overly empathetic, on the other side, might lead you to stay in toxic relationships because you identify with your partnerโs struggles too much and forget to take care of your own needs.
Finding the right balance in empathy can be challenging, as itโs important to both understand and connect with othersโ emotions while maintaining healthy boundaries and self-care.
7) Naivety
Naivety is another trait that can land you in hot water, not only in relationships of all kinds but life in general.
If youโre naive, in other words, you give trust to people too quickly, you may overlook red flags early in a relationship.
It can also lead you to rush into relationships or commitments without taking the necessary time to get to know the other person deeply and understand their values, behaviors, and overall relationship compatibility.
But more than anything, being naive often makes you more susceptible to manipulation or deception.
Thatโs because you might see things at face value without questioning or verifying them, which makes you an easy target for those with malicious intentions.
But, at the end of the day, being naive or trusting isnโt a personal failure. Itโs just a characteristic that, like any other, has its pros and cons.
Simply recognize that you have this trait and understand how it may impact your relationships to help you navigate them more successfully.
8) Passive-aggressive behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the classic โrelationship killersโ and one that is an important cog in the machine that is a toxic relationship.
Passive-aggressive behavior may manifest as:
- Sarcasm or veiled insults
- Silent treatment
- Procrastination
- Intentional mistakes
- Backhanded compliments
- Guilt-tripping
- Victim mentality
- Sabotage
If you have recognized yourself in any of the above, or you recognized your partner, friend, or family member, know that this behavior can quickly lead to toxic relationships.
Iโm not ashamed to admit that sarcasm is my Achilles heel. I often have to bite my tongue to stop myself from blurting something stupid and insulting. But at least Iโm working on it.
Overcoming passive-aggressive behavior often involves learning to communicate more openly and assertively.
This includes expressing feelings and needs directly, learning to manage and express anger in a healthy way, and taking responsibility for your actions.
9) High tolerance for negative emotions
Are you someone that can withstand a lot of stress, discomfort, or emotional pain without feeling the need to change your situation?
While this is a sought-after trait in business, for example, it might do you more harm than good in your personal relationships.
Donโt get me wrong, it can help you persevere through tough times, which means your partner can rely on you. But it might also lead you to tolerate situations that are harmful or unhealthy for you.
For example, putting up with toxic behaviors, such as manipulation, control, or abuse, because youโre accustomed to dealing with stress and pressure.
10) Ignoring intuition
Our gut feeling is a robust subconscious process that helps us assess situations and people based on subtle cues, past experiences, and patterns we donโt even notice consciously.
For me, itโs an indispensable tool that I listen to most of the time.
However, If you have a habit of dismissing your gut feeling, you can overlook red flags or warning signs early in a relationship.
If your intuition is signaling somethingโs off, but youโre not paying attention to it, you might miss these signals.
Iโm not saying that intuition should be your sole basis for decisions. On the contrary, you should use it as just one decision-making component alongside rational analysis and consideration.
11) Victim mentality
People with a victim mentality see themselves as the target of damaging actions of other people. It doesnโt matter if thereโs evidence for that and whether itโs real or not.
This kind of mentality can prevent them from doing something to improve their situation.
There could be many sources for this behavior. It can be rooted in past experiences of genuine victimization, or it could be a learned pattern of thought thatโs reinforced over time.
Iโve seen it manifest in many ways, but the most common ones are: blaming others, not accepting constructive criticism, resisting or dismissing solutions, creating drama, and emotional manipulation.
12) Rescuer mentality
On the other side, thereโs the rescuer mentality, also called the white knight syndrome or the savior complex.
It can be both praiseworthy and detrimental. Of course, itโs great if you want to help other people. But not so great if you tend to gravitate toward troubled partners.
In that case, youโre saving them from their problems and from themselves, often at the expense of your own needs.
Final thoughts
So, there you have it. Personality traits that will land you in toxic relationships. I also suggest you find out about the red flags youโre dealing with a toxic person and about the warning signs your relationship is becoming toxic.
