You’ve heard it before: to attract a quality mate in life you have to work on yourself. So if you’re looking for love, then ideally you should first meet the criteria.
This way you can give your potential partner and the relationship the best of you, creating a sturdy foundation for your union to thrive.
Maybe you still have a ways to go, in which case, consider the contents of the article a nudge in the right direction.
Or perhaps, you’re ready but don’t even know it yet.
Either way, you deserve love, real love.
In this article, I’ll take you through the personality traits of people who are on the verge of love. When you have a clearer vision of things, you can act accordingly.
Let’s dive in!
When you have a thorough understanding of yourself (i.e. your abilities and weaknesses, your values, interests, and goals) this is generally very attractive to people.
You can be the wealthiest guy in town, but if you don’t have self-awareness, you won’t be regularly attracting the right kind of people.
The self-aware person oozes emotional maturity, they have a wisdom and knowledge about them that most can’t help but find just a little sexy.
Self-awareness also communicates stability to others; when you’re in control of your own emotions and feelings, chances are you’ll understand your romantic partner to a similar degree.
Here’s the thing: a major red flag for most people is self-centeredness.
Assuming you’re dating for love, you presumably don’t want to have to endure a lifetime with an uncaring, egotistical chump as your co-pilot.
Hence, the value of empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and feel what others are going through. It’s the ability to put yourself in others’ shoes, regardless of the size.
You think about people and make them heard and cared for–which most people instinctively know are ideal traits in a romantic partner.
If you haven’t already, start cultivating your sense of empathy. You have it in you, just make sure it’s genuine and not for show.
In other words, start giving a shit about the plight of the people around you and especially those who aren’t.
People who have their act together and don’t depend on anyone’s approval are bound to find love, even when they’re not looking.
When you fill your schedule with things that fulfill you, with no ulterior motive, you’re communicating your individuality to the world.
You don’t just conform to societal norms like everyone else, you’re your own person. You celebrate your inherent individuality instead of avoiding it.
This naturally makes you stand out among your peers, romantic interests very much included.
I’ll tell you this much: nobody wants a Negative Nancy around for prolonged durations. Why? Because they bring others down with their toxic energy, and none of us want that.
Life is hard enough: student loans, interpersonal drama, disease. By being positive, you counteract the somewhat universal hardship of life that everyone, in some way or another, goes through.
In this sense, positive people have a natural way of drawing others toward them.
In addition, when faced with the inevitable struggles of life, they tend to be more resilient and optimistic, which is an excellent survival and coping mechanism in the rollercoaster of life.
Think about it: if your partner is constantly positive and upbeat instead of sad and defeatist, the chances of success are exponentially higher.
When I was younger, I used to think it was cool to be contrarian and misanthropic, as if my ‘avant-garde’ ways of thinking made me counterculture and hip.
But this mentality didn’t do many favors for my love life; I learned that the cynical act got old real fast for most people.
And though I still occasionally harbor an anti-establishment spirit, I’ve significantly mellowed out.
I’ve learned that, at the end of the day, positivity means power.
Being open-minded is a big deal. After all, nobody really wants to grow old with an intolerant, miserable bore who is opposed to anything new.
Being open to new experiences, perspectives and people is attractive in any language.
I’ll explain why: an open-minded approach to life projects adventure, fun, constant discovery, and even humility.
Life is short, most people want to make the most of it.
Theoretical physicist, Albert Einstein (maybe you’ve heard of him?) emphasized the importance of adaptability and openness to new experiences, succinctly noting: “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.”
This mentality also opens the doors to meeting a wider range of potential partners.
More than looks or money, confidence is one of the universe’s ultimate aphrodisiacs.
When you’re secure in yourself and unbothered by the opinions of others, then you’re communicating your worth as a high-value partner.
By genuine confidence, I don’t just mean standing straight or possessing the ability to chat someone up at a bar.
Sure, confidence can mean all these things too, but anyone can fake this type of superficial poise.
Real, deeper confidence is having the character to be kind, courteous, and thoughtful towards people who can do nothing for you; it means being indifferent to things like status or wealth.
You know who you are and have nothing to prove. That’s self-assuredness in a nutshell and frankly, it can be pretty badass.
If you still feel you’re lacking in confidence, being aware of this perceived deficiency is the first step.
Now go out and be assertive about it. Don’t forget: there’s no replacing action.
I recall Dale Carnegie, an American writer and lecturer once noting:
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
7) Active listening
Have you ever been on a date with someone who was barely listening to your story about backpacking through Machu Picchu (at best, feigning interest) only to consistently bring the convo back to them?
The truth is that active listening is quite rare in this world, so once you cultivate it, you’re putting yourself ahead of the game.
The ability to listen and thoughtfully understand what people are saying is a core foundation of any deep human connection.
Those who are skilled at active listening make their partners feel valued.
They’re also showing the relationship respect: that any bond should be about give and take and the exchange of ideas, not some one-sided therapy session.
When you establish yourself as an honest person, you’re basically showing off your integrity and a ton of other positive values.
Honesty is the bedrock of any successful relationship. So by making honesty with others and yourself a habit, you’re ingraining this mentality within you. It becomes organic.
Trust me, others will take notice.
Be consistent. Trust manifests through consistent and honest words and actions over time.
Being patient pays off. It shows you have strength of character–that you’re mentally and emotionally made of good stock.
It also projects that you’re emotionally mature. You’re not the petulant teenager demanding things immediately, inappropriately rushing people, etc.
In the realm of romance and relationships, love often needs time to grow and patience to tackle obstacles.
In other words, when you’re showing patience, you’re saying a lot about your potential as a prospective partner.
Rumi, the ancient mystic and poet, phrases it beautifully:
“Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing. It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full.”
As we touched on earlier, being selfish is a major red flag, and for good reason.
Selfish means you’re unwilling to share things like time, money, or other resources and tend to have a general lack of consideration for others.
This is a tough cycle to break away from.
When you show selfishness on a date, say by being overly late and unapologetic about it, it’s not a great sign, as it often indicates deeper, more complex issues.
And really, with the sea of choice out there, moving on to the next will typically be top of mind for your date.
When you’re generous, however, the opposite is true. You’re projecting your value as a partner.
You’re showing that you’re not all about yourself and that you have compassion for others.
You’re displaying a willingness to give and share things–not just time and resources, but also emotional support–a vital quality to any loving, sustainable relationship.
To recap, while developing these traits will point you in the right direction, it’s still up to you how to move forward. And while finding love is great, it’s not the ultimate goal in life for everyone.
Don’t overthink it; just focus on being the best version of yourself. Own your existence, and live a life that you can genuinely call your own.
You’ll eventually discover that love will come-a-knockin’ not when you’re actively looking for it, but when you’re truly ready for it.
So start from within and let things come at a natural pace.
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