Louisa Lopez
Do you have a friend or family member that makes you smile inside and outside? Maybe there is someone you know that has a special kind of glow about them.
Do you ever wonder what makes them so nice to be around? Would you like to know more, so that you can cultivate these qualities within yourself?
If any of this resonates, then read this article to learn more about the loveliest personality traits.
1) Kindness
I’ve known many friends who say they are attracted to bad boys, but for me, kindness is the most attractive quality there is.
Whether it’s a friend or a lover, or a treasured grandparent perhaps, there’s nothing that makes us feel so special as being treated with kindness.
The kind person will listen sympathetically when you have a problem. They will do helpful things for you when you need it. You’ll see them taking care of others, from animals to people. They’ll often put in that bit of extra effort to make someone else’s day brighter.
They are also kind not just in their actions, but in their interpretation of people’s intentions, believing the best of people. For example, if their friend tells them they can’t make it to a night out, rather than assume the worst, they infer a generous interpretation. Perhaps their friend is feeling unwell or something urgent has come up.
A less lovely person will assume the worst and may get angry with their friend.
However, it manifests, kindness is beautiful and kindness is sexy!
2) Thoughtful and compassionate
A kind and lovely person thinks of others. A good friend of mine, Ekaterina, is extremely thoughtful and compassionate. The funny thing is that people who have just met her may jump to conclusions and miss this.
Why? Well, it’s probably due to cultural differences. Ekaterina is Russian and her way of talking to people can seem abrupt and even rude to Western people. (Although she doesn’t mean it that way!)
She’s just a no-nonsense kind of person who gives out firm advice when asked!
However, out of all my friends, I know that if I get sick or really need help, she will be the first one I would think of.
She would go out of her way to make sure that I’m ok, that I have good healthy food or anything else I need. And she will also do this for people that she doesn’t know that well, proving that she is truly thoughtful and compassionate.
3) Non-attachment to ego
This might seem an unusual thing to include, but hear me out.
Firstly, what do I mean by ‘Ego’? Let’s differentiate between:
- An overinflated sense of ego – eg egotistical.
- Ego that allows us to recognize our sense of self.
Clearly, an egoistic person is not lovely to be around. But here I’m talking about the second type of ego. There’s nothing wrong with this, in fact, it’s essential to being a well-adjusted human.
However, our level of attachment to our sense of self is something that can affect how we relate to others. And that, in turn, affects how others feel about us.
Let me give you an example.
My friend Jean-Luc, has a strong understanding of his identity, or ego. But he isn’t overly attached to it. This means that it is almost impossible for someone to offend him with personal comments. He knows who he is and sees input from others as opinions, not facts.
This means it’s lovely and relaxing to be around him, as you can say what you feel, without fear of it being taken the wrong way.
Does this mean he never looks inwards or listens to what people say about him? No, in fact, he will take time to consider feedback and if it is relevant.
Why is he able to do this? Because he doesn’t feel the pain that most of us do when someone tells us something we may see as critical. (E.g. his sense of ego doesn’t cause him pain!)
This leads to my next point which is…
4) A good sense of self-awareness
Jean Luc is a very self-aware person. He’s taken time to understand himself and others. He has deeply considered what it means and feels like to be human.
When I asked him about his lack of attachment to his ego, he told me about his way of viewing anger. Jean Luc says anger is something we feel when our ‘territory’ has been attacked.
Take a moment to think of when a comment from a friend or family member made you feel angry.
Got one? Now remember how you felt. There’s a good chance that a part of you – eg your ego – felt attacked.
With the right amount of self-awareness, we can separate what people say, from who we know ourselves to be. And then we don’t feel so attacked anymore.
Why does this make you lovely to be around?
It removes defensiveness and the tendency to project our fears about ourselves onto other people.
Would you like to be more like this? Well, you can!
Jean Luc wasn’t born like this. He spent time learning about the human psyche from a Western perspective. And then he went to India, meditating and learning for over a year.
Don’t have time for all of that? That’s ok. You can still incorporate the wisdom of the West and the practices of the East into your daily life!
5) A non-judgmental attitude
If, like Jean Luc, you’re able to separate your sense of ego from what others say and do, the chances are that you will find it easy to not judge others.
Although it’s fine to have judgment for harmful or dangerous behaviors, it’s important not to judge people.
When I asked my ‘zen’ Japanese friend Asuka if certain quirky people that come to her cafe ever annoy her, she said no. She said that sometimes she may get frustrated by their behaviors, but she doesn’t see that as the person.
A non-judgmental attitude is another thing that contributes to a feeling of safety for those around them. You feel that you can really be you. There is no need to pretend to be someone you are not just to impress them. And that’s a lovely thing.
6) A willingness to explore different beliefs
One of the great things about a non-judgmental person (who is not overly attached to their ego), is their willingness to explore different beliefs and ideas.
Maybe, like me, you believe in things that are not strictly conventional. Maybe people have laughed at you or ridiculed you. I know how it is, because growing up in a Catholic school, while realizing that I was a Pagan tarot reader, wasn’t easy!
Really lovely people will be interested in your beliefs even if they don’t align with theirs. They may be interested to explore and even open to incorporating new things into their beliefs.
Importantly, they recognize that beliefs are just that – beliefs. If they weren’t then we’d call them facts!
Why does this make someone lovely? Once again it comes down to a feeling of safety and acceptance. Most of us, very deeply want to be loved and accepted for who we are.
People who are open to exploring different beliefs will make you feel that way.
7) A good sense of humor
We’ve explored some lovely but serious traits in this article, so let’s finish with something a bit lighter – a good sense of humor!
Life is full of difficult moments. But if we can laugh at them it can make things much easier. Also, there is hidden humor in many of the little aspects of life. So noticing them and taking the time to laugh is a great thing.
“Laughter is the best medicine” might be a trite phrase, but it exists for a reason. I think most of us know this in our (funny) bones. It’s mentioned in the bible and science proves that it’s true.
Did you know that laughter relieves stress and pain, and improves our immune system?
A loved one who knows how to laugh and find the humor in life is a treasure worth holding on to!
