What are the key personality traits of a good girlfriend?
This is an honest look at the top 15 traits that make a woman a keeper or not.
First up in the personality traits of a good girlfriend is loyalty.
You can meet the most attractive, charming woman on the planet.
But if she’s prone to cheating on you or going behind your back then the whole relationship is going to be a painful mistake.
Here’s the thing about loyalty:
It can’t be bought or pressured.
She’s either loyal or she’s not, and it will quickly become apparent once you begin dating her.
Next up, any good girlfriend needs to be honest.
If she doesn’t tell the truth about herself or what she does, it’s eventually going to cause a ton of heartache and hurt you badly.
Nobody is honest 100% of the time, and white lies will inevitably crop up in any relationship.
But if you ask yourself whether you fundamentally trust your girlfriend and the answer is no?
It’s time to find a different girlfriend…
Speaking for myself, I find it impossible to fall in love with a woman who’s not funny.
Now, your girlfriend doesn’t have to be a professional comedian or have you doubling over with laughter every time she opens her beautiful mouth.
But at least you could hope that she has some wit and verve.
If she has a sense of humor and genuinely cracks you up sometimes, consider that a definite mark in the plus column.
Nobody wants a girlfriend without a sense of humor.
Life is a scary place, and situations come up every day that test our courage.
One of the most crucial personality traits of a good girlfriend is courage.
Guys want a woman whose courage inspires and touches them. They want to know that she’s got their back if they get in trouble the way they have hers.
Clearly a womanly form of courage will look different than a brawny, masculine form.
It may take the form of quiet calm in the face of danger or steady emotional support for a man going through a deep crisis.
Take the film First Reformed (2017) about a small town priest who is consumed by despair over the state of the world and environmental destruction.
He falls in love with a tragically widowed woman unexpectedly after she comes to him for help over her depressed partner.
A particularly disturbing and timely film in light of the ongoing horrific vinyl chloride environmental disaster in Ohio, First Reformed presents one of the strongest female leads in years.
She stands by him the whole time, trying to save his life from suicide and nihilism that she could never do for her own boyfriend.
She doesn’t perform action stunts and over the top heroics, but her emotional strength and surety literally saves his life.
Guys want a woman who is badass.
Make of that what you will, but it’s the Gospel truth.
Being badass means a woman knows what she wants and knows how to get it.
It means she is willing to make boundaries and never let anyone – herself included – cross those boundaries.
It means she loves deeply and fully, but if she breaks up with you it’s truly over.
It means a woman who plays hardball and needs to be taken completely seriously if you want a chance with her.
This ties into the next point…
One of the key personality traits of a good girlfriend is discipline.
This relates directly to point five in that a woman who’s disciplined is also going to tend to be badass and internally strong.
She holds herself to a high standard and does so for any man in her life as well.
The truth is that an ideal girlfriend is a bit of a paradox:
She is loving and kind, but also demanding and challenges her boyfriend to be a better, stronger man.
She sees his potential and loves him, but she also knows he has more in him and wants him to reach that apex winner level.
Initial attraction and chemistry along with this paradoxical mixture is what makes a man fall in love.
As I said, one of the top personality traits of a good girlfriend is that she’s caring.
While she wants the best from her man and expects him to inhabit and fulfill masculine and strong roles, she also cares about him in an unconditional way.
It’s like she sees his ideal inner potential rather than just his outer mistakes or shortcomings.
She cares about him legitimately and is not just in love with his appearance, status or outer labels.
Guys want a girlfriend who actually cares about them, not a woman who is engaging in hypergamy and just keeping them for a while before trading them like a stock.
Call me crazy, but I think that’s a reasonable request, right?
Next up in the personality traits of a good girlfriend is being clear-eyed.
Being clear-eyed means somebody who sees things for how they really are.
Guys don’t want a girlfriend who spends her life on social media or wants to be famous and never actually sets any measurable personal or professional goals.
They want a girlfriend who’s honest about the challenges of life and of love.
They want a woman who appreciates the relationship and them without idealizing them into a role or putting all her hope in him.
This can be very hard to find, and it’s also a habit that many guys fall into as well, putting a woman into the role of a “savior” or person who will fix their life or make them happy.
Another of the vital personality traits of a good girlfriend is that she’s self-respecting.
Essentially, this entails that she respects her own body, mind and emotions.
She doesn’t say yes to an invite unless she wants to.
She sets her own boundaries in sex and kinks.
She has no interest in following spiritual or religious paths that don’t speak to her and she makes her limits clear.
A relationship is only really possible when somebody knows who they are and is willing to respect themselves.
That’s why it can be such a difficult time for people pleasers and the kind of guy or girl who worries too much about accommodating to others (the so-called “nice guy” syndrome or “people pleaser” woman).
Dr. Jordan Peterson expands on that here in the video below:
Next in the crucial personality traits of a good girlfriend is that she is self-validated.
This means that she doesn’t need external praise and validation to know and value herself.
Now, everybody gets insecure now and then, this is just a fact of life.
However any girlfriend worth her salt will not be basing her worth on what you or anybody else says about her.
If she senses you don’t find her attractive or appreciate her, obviously that will upset her and potentially lead to problems in the relationship.
But at the same time she’ll never truly base her worth or self-love on external validation.
Next up in the top personality traits of a good girlfriend is that she is principled.
This means that she has her own set of values regardless of whether anyone’s watching.
She doesn’t have one face for the outside world and another once you really get to know her.
Far too many guys I know have been badly burned by a woman they thought was wonderful who turned out to have a very dark, spiteful and immature side.
Being principled does not mean you’re perfect, not even close.
It simply means that at the very least a woman cares about what is right and wrong and does her best to live up to some kind of moral or ethical standard she believes in.
You’ve probably heard about how important communication is in a relationship and it’s true.
That’s why one of the essential personality traits of a good girlfriend is being articulate.
She’s able to communicate what she’s thinking and feeling without making you guess or playing mind games and twisting around your emotions to “figure it out.”
She cuts the sh*t and just tells you what she wants to say.
If she’s annoyed at you or wants to know something from you, she asks.
Novel concept, I know…
The truth is that obviously both men and women struggle with communication at times and no relationship is going to just be smooth sailing for expressing yourself or being understood.
But it’s enormously helpful for a girlfriend to be someone who speaks her mind and is articulate.
It cuts through so much drama and heartache that occurs in many relationships.
Next up in the crucial personality traits of a good girlfriend is that she’s conscientious and clean.
She expects you to be a clean guy, and she also gives the same.
This means no hair clumps all in the drain, no random clothes scattered all over the floor, no disgusting unwashed dishes all over the place.
You split up duties, and you do your fair share of cleaning up, especially if you live together.
But even if not and you just see each other consistently, she makes sure to actually keep clean and organized so that you and her living spaces don’t become a pig sty.
Intelligence can be a tricky topic, since there are many kinds of intelligence.
It’s not just about book smarts or being Albert Einstein:
There’s visual and spatial intelligence, creative intelligence, emotional intelligence, environmental intelligence and so on.
The point is that a man wants a woman who is intelligent in some way and curious about the world.
Relationships with someone boring are incredibly boring and soul-destroying.
It’s not that there needs to be constant chatter and commentary, but a good sense of humor, intelligence and mental alertness is indispensable for a relationship that’s actually worth anything for either partner.
Next up in the crucial personality traits of a good girlfriend is that she is affectionate.
This doesn’t necessarily mean she’s making out with you in public and frankly that’s usually kind of overkill.
It’s more about the small things:
A touch on your arm when she wants to tell you something…
A quiet word in your ear when you’re together in the store…
And so on.
It’s her way of interacting with you and showing she cares about you in small ways that can make such a big difference.
Those small reminders of affection that have such a powerful effect…
“Affection is close to but not the same as intimacy––affection is about openly displaying that you care about this person and can be shown any time of day or night, publicly or privately.”
Tfw no gf
Internet sh*tposters first went viral several years ago with the meme tfw no gf (“that feeling when you have no girlfriend.”)
Although meant as a semi-ironic exaggeration of the involuntarily celibate (incel) romantic experience, the meme points to a deeper truth.
It’s painful to feel unloved and unwanted, to have your value largely unrecognized.
Much as the suffering of the lonely and the tfw no gf crowd has been mocked, it’s usually been mocked by those who are romantically validated and have no real idea of what it’s like to fundamentally and consistently have been rejected and excluded from dating those you are attracted to.
If you know what you’re looking for in a girlfriend, or if you’re a woman who knows you have many of the excellent qualities above but can’t seem to meet a guy who deserves them…
Take cheer and have hope.
None of your personal progress has been wasted:
You will meet someone who appreciates you, and you will continue to grow into the fullest and strongest version of yourself.
Believe it. Do it. Be it.