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12 unexpected perks of dating someone you’re not attracted to

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Going out with the hottest person you know should feel amazing, right?

But you might’ve been on a date with someone conventionally attractive once, and realized something tragic: They’re so boring.

It goes to show that looks really aren’t everything.

Because of that, there are bound to be people that went under your radar.

Maybe their looks never really stood out to you. You’re lukewarm: neither crushing nor hating on them.

It’s usually these people that are the most exciting to be with.

If you’ve been looking for love in all the usual places but meeting no one is memorable, here’s 12 reasons why going out with someone you aren’t attracted to might be worth a shot.

1. You Won’t Feel the Pressure of Being Someone You Aren’t

When we’re on a date with someone we find attractive, we naturally have the feeling that we don’t want to mess it up.

But we end up psyching ourselves out too much.

While we’re on that first date, our hands get clammy, we become tense, and we stutter as we talk.

The want to not mess it up becomes such a big pressure that we eventually do.

That’s not a problem with someone you aren’t attracted to.

You won’t feel the need to put on a show and impress them.

You aren’t expecting a second date anyway, so you get to relax and be yourself, which helps make the date even more enjoyable.

2. You Both Stand to Lose Nothing

It’s easy to think that an attractive person we go out with is one in a million, and they very much could be.

But that’s also what makes it even more difficult to stay composed on the first date.

We know that if we mess this up, we’re going to have to go back to being single and restarting the search for a partner.

But when there’s no attraction and any obvious sign of potential romance, it becomes much easier.

If the date doesn’t go too well, then that’s okay because you were never attracted to them anyway.

If you enjoyed yourself, then at least you had a great time. It’s a win-win for the both of you either way.

3. It’s a Chance to Mix Up Your Romantic Life

You might look at your dating history and notice you’ve dated the same type of person: all very corporate people driven to succeed in their business and become CEOs.

As great as that might sound, you’ve had enough of it.

Maybe you know someone who’s more on the artistic side.

They’re the type of person that doesn’t have many plans in life, and just wants to create beautiful art pieces, live in the moment, and generally have a good time.

Going on a date with that person might have never crossed your mind, but it might just add the zing your life was missing.

4. You Might Become Really Good Friends

WIthout the pressure to impress each other, you get to reveal your true self.

You both might even find common ground discussing things only single people would understand, such as acting disgusted towards couples in public, but feeling sad about it in private.

Sometimes, a friendship might even be more fulfilling than a romantic relationship.

You can both be yourself without the stress that comes with something as serious as a long-term relationship.

5. You Might’ve Been Completely Wrong About Your Type

Before, you said that you wanted someone who didn’t care what other people thought about them.

You wanted the typical bad boy/bad girl because in your fantasy, you’ll always be riding down the highway on a motorbike or having steamy love all the time.

But that might not actually be so attractive, now that you think about it.

Going on a date with someone you aren’t attracted to might show that you don’t need all the leather jackets or the cigarettes.

Your type might actually be someone more lowkey, the kind of person that prefers to read fantasy books like you or be as goal oriented as you.

6. You Can Focus on Learning More About Them

Since you aren’t really focused on their looks, you get to focus on what ultimately matters in the relationship – your connections with them and their personality.

There’s no model-like features to distract you from listening to their story about their lives.

Since they never crossed your radar, everything about them surprises you – and that’s what keeps it interesting.

Without the distraction of their looks, you get to see them for their character, not their appearance.

You get to notice how generous they are when you walk past someone less fortunate.

Or you might admire their confidence they are when they approach different people.

7. You Learn What You’re Looking For in a Relationship

In your head, you always had high standards for the person you want to be with.

They need to be a certain height, a certain nationality, they need to have gone to university X because that’s where you know all the good people come from, and they need to have job Y because you know they’ll be earning well.

But as the amount of dates you go on reach zero, it might make you start reevaluating your whole criteria.

As it turns out, you don’t need any of that. You just need someone to understand your references, has the same quirky tendencies, and someone you can laugh at the silliest things at.

It might just be the sobering experience you need.

8. You Learn More About Yourself

Since you don’t feel the need to impress them or be someone you’re, you get to allow yourself to let loose.

You get to relax, be more casual.

You aren’t yourself in private; the person that gets caught up in romantic fantasies, nor do you become the person you are in public, standing tall, and acting according to everyone’s expectations.

No, here, you might get to see a side of yourself you didn’t know existed.

Being on a date with them might make you realize how sensitive you can actually be, when you regularly put on a stoic face.

Or you always told yourself and others that there’s nothing you enjoy more than going out and getting drunk.

But now you realize that you never actually needed alcohol to have fun.

9. You Learn How to Not Judge Someone So Fast

Our world of dating apps and social media have made one’s appearances more important than their personalities.

Online, we can be whoever we want, and post photos and status updates that align with our “brand”.

Since that’s all we see of someone online, that’s all we have to go on to make our judgments of them.

But going out with someone that you might usually judge as not attractive might reveal something to you:

That your judgments were completely off.

This is how you realize that behind every profile is a person with a story, hopes, and dreams, fears, and failures, just like you.

10. You Don’t Have to Commit Long-Term

Say you go out together and the date was so-so at best.

The conversation wasn’t particularly exciting and the food was okay.

Usually, if it’s a person that we were actually attracted to, we might walk away from the date feeling terrible about ourselves.

We might even have felt like we just wasted an opportunity of a lifetime there.

But not with this person.

Since you both don’t have an attraction to one another, there’s no hard feelings about cutting contact with each other after the first date.

You don’t feel like you lost anything, and now you have a good story to tell your friends.

11. You Realize Looks Aren’t As Important As You Thought

Before your standards might have included six-pack abs, or a certain hairstyle, but now you realize that those aren’t the things that you’re looking for.

There’s nothing wrong with having standards for physical attraction, but going out with them will make you realize how much you’ve been limiting yourself by just sticking to those physical standards.

12. An Attraction Might Bloom

Since you were going in without any expectations, you felt the freedom to just be yourself and let fate guide your conversations.

As the date goes on, you might slowly realize that they like the same things as you.

It catches you off-guard, and you never realized how attractive some of their traits are.

As time goes on, you become close friends.

But slowly, something might be going on behind the scenes that not even you’re aware of: you’re becoming attracted to them. It’s possible.

The advantage of this kind of attraction is that it’s more genuine. It isn’t based on their looks; but on their true character.

Love Can Look Like Anyone

While a physical attraction is necessary for any healthy relationship to work out, it might not always be the most important part of the relationship.

Just because someone has Greek god-like features doesn’t mean they’re guaranteed to be great company to joke around with.

Likewise, just because there’s nothing striking about someone’s appearance at first sight, doesn’t mean time spent with them will be boring.

So open yourself up to meeting new people; they might just surprise you.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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