22 perfect comebacks to use next time someone insults you

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Did somebody just insult you? 

Here are the perfect comebacks to shut this person down completely. 

You may even make them laugh with your snappy comeback. 

Trust me: 

They won’t want any more of this heat that you’re serving…

1) ‘I’ve been called worse by better’

This one’s going to leave a mark. 

It’s short, sweet and gets your point across very well. 

You’re telling the insulting individual that they mean very little to you and that their offensive comments really didn’t hurt much. 

Whoever just insulted you is going to be thinking about this comeback for a while. 

2) ‘Is this where I pretend to care?’ 

If somebody insults you, they’re usually looking for a reaction. 

This is where you shut them down like the breaker on a fuse box:

The use of sarcasm here is masterful and it totally defuses any attempt at drama by the other person. 

How are they supposed to escalate the fight when you just told them you don’t give a rat’s ass? 

3) ‘Thanks for the free psychoanalysis’

When somebody goes into detail about their version of everything wrong with you it can quickly cross the line into an insult. 

If you’re being told to “get help” and how messed up you are in an insulting way, don’t fight back. 

Just let this person know that you appreciate their unpaid psychological labors on your behalf. 

They’ll feel like a total dolt. 

4) ‘It’s nice to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance’

This is a good comeback if you’re dealing with somebody who’s very credentialed and thinks they’re better than you. 

Let them know that having numerous degrees on their wall doesn’t make them superhuman. 

If this doesn’t work to humble the insulting individual a little bit, it will at least show them that you aren’t in any way cowed by their credentialism and sense of self-importance. 

5) ‘I am returning your nose. I found it in my business’

When somebody’s prying into your affairs, this is a great retort to let them know they’re not welcome to do so. 

Not to be too shallow, but this is also especially effective if this person has an ugly or strange looking nose. 

It may be a low blow, but they already insulted you, so why not? 

6) ‘If you ran as much as you run your mouth you’d be in good shape’

We’ve all met the kind of person who won’t stop saying insulting things and running their mouth. 

This is a way to let them know you’re not going to stand for it. 

You can also ask them if they’ve seen the film “Running Man” and mention that they should do a remake about them but call it “Running Mouth.”

7) ‘You should start respecting people more, starting with basic self-respect’ 

This is a great thing to say to somebody who’s acting the fool. 

You’re letting them know that you not only don’t appreciate their lack of respect for you

…You also find that they don’t respect themselves by acting so poorly. 

8) ‘Nice to see I’m living rent-free in your head’

When somebody won’t shut up about you and criticizing you, this is a great comeback. 

You notify them that the amount they think about you isn’t natural. 

You also let them know that you really don’t care and aren’t going to get dragged into it. 

9) ‘Sorry I’m not a garbage man, otherwise I’d take you out like the trash you are’ 

When things are getting really confrontational you can up the ante with this one. 

Just be careful, because this can quickly escalate into an actual physical fight. 

If you say it you’d better mean it and be prepared to exit the situation ASAP after delivering it instead of pursuing your implied threat. 

10) ‘I’m not interesting in competing with people who aren’t even in my league’ 

If you feel like flexing your ego a bit try this one out. 

It shows that the insult you just got didn’t touch you and you’re not even willing to engage in a fight with this person.  

11) ‘They could train an AI how to say the stupidest answers possible by recording you for a day’ 

This is among the meaner comebacks I’ve included on the list here, but sometimes you need to be a little mean. 

If a person is really crossing all sorts of lines and thinking they’re going to get away with it, you let them know the bad news:

You think they’re an idiot and you aren’t afraid to say it. 

12) ‘Did you learn how to flirt on YouTube?’

If a person is insulting you in very distasteful or odious ways, this is a superb comeback. 

You imply that they are bad at flirting and waste their time on juvenile YouTube channels made for people who know nothing about interpersonal skills. 

This is a putdown if I ever heard one. 

13) ‘Wait, was I supposed to care about your approval?’

Tell this person off by letting them know you don’t need their approval

This is a fairly light comeback, but it gets your point across loud and clear. 

People sometimes need to be told very clearly to just mind their own business and stop trying to run your life. 

14) ‘Get back to me when you’re not a jealous, insecure, annoying, person anymore. In other words, have a nice life’

This one hurts!

You just told this person off with an added flair. 

If things are getting nasty and you need to bring some serious heat, try this one out. 

It’s mean, but sometimes mean is necessary, right? 

15) ‘If we were the last two people on earth I’d look for an alien to hang out with’ 

This is a hilarious comeback and it’s also a huge rejection and dismissal of somebody. 

If a person is insulting you and demanding you in ways that are ticking you off, let them know how little they appeal to you.

This is best delivered with real sincerity in your voice so they catch the grain of truth in your repulsion toward them. 

16) ‘Breaking news announcement: you can fill a black hole with how little I care about what you’re saying’

This is an amplified way to let this person know that their insults and negativity haven’t touched you. 

You don’t care. 

In fact you don’t care on an astronomical level. 

And you’re telling them that the sooner they leave you alone the sooner they can stop wasting their time trying to get your attention. 

17) ‘I don’t think my vibrations are high enough to talk with you. Maybe you should find more spiritually pure people to be around’

If you’re dealing with a person who’s high on their own supply of toxic spirituality, deliver them a dose of this. 

It’s a faux-putdown of yourself that’s actually a comeback to them. 

You mock their binary view of good vs. bad vibrations while also voluntarily exempting yourself from their company any further. 


18) ‘You seem to think you’re high status, but wearing those ugly high heels only makes you look ridiculous’

Let a domineering and disrespectful woman in your life know that her arrogance and bullying isn’t appreciated

The added dig against her fashion sense is a bonus. 

This tells her that she’s not only a fraud but also looks bad. Win!

19) ‘I didn’t know the weather forecast for today called for cloudy weather, but as soon as you walked in I felt the whole area getting overcast’ 

This is a way to let a downer know that you don’t appreciate their negativity

Comparing someone to bad weather may not be flattering, but sometimes it’s necessary. 

Especially if it’s true! 

20) ‘I wish you all the best. You already have it hard enough having to live with yourself’

This is a really hurtful thing to say, but sometimes it’s the godawful truth. 

If somebody has crossed a line with you and they just need to hear something that’s going to cut deep, this is your line. 

It hurts even more when it’s true.

21) ‘Sorry I can’t hear you, I filter out background noise’

Another great way to let somebody know just how low they rank on your radar. 

It’s an ideal comeback if a person is pestering you or nattering and criticizing you in a highly aggravating way. 

Let them know that it just won’t work and you’re filtering them out. 

22) ‘I could pretend you’re interesting but I don’t like to lie’ 

This is a great comeback. 

Try it out and watch them wince. 

It’s hard for the person to bounce back right away when you let them know how boring they are to you. 


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