Lucas Graham
Have you ever encountered someone who just doesn’t get it when it comes to emotions—either their own or anyone else’s?
Maybe they blurt out the wrong thing at the worst possible moment, or they seem completely oblivious to how their actions affect those around them.
Chances are, you’ve crossed paths with someone who has low emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence isn’t about being touchy-feely or overly sentimental; it’s about understanding emotions—yours and others—and using that understanding to navigate social situations.
When someone lacks this ability, it shows up in ways they might not even notice. These behaviors can make relationships with them, well, a little challenging.
So, what are these telltale signs? Let’s dive into seven common behaviors of people with very low emotional intelligence—behaviors they’re likely completely unaware of.
1) Unaware of their emotions
One of the most noticeable behaviors of someone with low emotional intelligence is their lack of awareness about their own feelings.
These individuals often find it difficult to pinpoint exactly how they’re feeling in any given moment, let alone understand why they might be feeling that way.
This can lead to a disconnect between their actions and their emotions, causing them to act out in ways that may seem irrational or confusing to others.
In many cases, this lack of emotional awareness can also make it nearly impossible for them to empathize with others, as they struggle to identify and understand their own emotions first.
2) Difficulty expressing emotions
Effective communication is a hallmark of high emotional intelligence. However, those with lower levels of emotional intelligence often grapple with expressing their feelings.
These individuals may find it challenging to put their emotions into words, leading to vague or misleading communication.
In fact, as we’ve just discussed above, they might not even be fully aware of how they feel. So, how can they express it well, right?
This can create confusion and frustration, both for them and the people around them.
Their struggle with expressing emotions might not only limit their ability to convey their feelings accurately but also hinder their capacity to understand and respond to the emotions of others.
3) Overly logical
While you might assume that a person who is excessively logical would be a boon in decision-making scenarios, paradoxically, this can actually be a sign of low emotional intelligence.
These individuals often lean so heavily into rationality that they completely dismiss or undervalue the role of emotions in their decisions.
They might downplay feelings, both their own and those of others, and rely solely on facts and data to make choices.
So, while the decisions they make might be logically sound, they tend to lack empathy and consideration for the emotional consequences.
As the folks at The School of Life explain it so well:
“When we are in difficulties what we may primarily be seeking from our partners is a sense that they understand what we are going through. We are not looking for answers (the problems may be too large for there to be any obvious ones) so much as comfort, reassurance and fellow-feeling. In the circumstances, the deployment of an overly logical stance may come across not as an act of kindness, but as a species of disguised impatience.”
In essence, their over-reliance on logic can blind them to the valuable insights emotions can provide, resulting in a one-dimensional approach to life and relationships.
4) Overly critical
Sometimes, people with low emotional intelligence don’t realize just how sharp their words can be.
Instead of offering constructive feedback or keeping their opinions to themselves, they have a tendency to point out flaws in everything—and everyone.
Whether it’s nitpicking a coworker’s presentation or casually mentioning that your haircut “looks different…in a bad way,” they often come across as unnecessarily harsh.
What makes this behavior particularly frustrating is their complete lack of awareness about how it affects others.
They may think they’re just being honest or “helpful,” but in reality, their criticism feels more like an attack than advice.
And while everyone appreciates constructive feedback, this type of person skips the “constructive” part entirely, leaving behind only the sting.
The worst part? They often can’t take criticism themselves. Suggest that they might be a little too harsh, and suddenly you’re the one being oversensitive or defensive.
It’s a one-way street with them, where they dish it out freely but can’t handle even a teaspoon in return.
If you’ve encountered someone like this, your best bet is to let their words roll off your back. Most of the time, their critiques say more about their inability to manage emotions than they do about you.
And if you’re the one catching yourself being overly critical, take it as an opportunity to pause and ask: “Am I being helpful, or just harsh?” A little self-awareness can go a long way.
5) Poor listeners
Listening is much more than just hearing the words that are being said. It’s about understanding the emotions behind those words and responding empathetically.
However, people with low emotional intelligence often struggle with this aspect of communication.
They may interrupt others, make hasty judgments, or become easily distracted during conversations.
This is not because they intend to be rude or dismissive, but because they lack the emotional depth to grasp the significance of attentive listening.
Their inability to truly listen and comprehend emotional cues can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships, as they may appear uninterested or insensitive to the feelings and perspectives of others.
6) Struggle with change
Change is a natural part of life. In fact, it’s often said that the only constant in life is change itself.
Yet, individuals with low emotional intelligence often find themselves at odds with this universal truth. They tend to resist change, preferring the safety and predictability of their current situations.
Why? Because it’s hard to manage the emotions that come with transitions and new circumstances.
Their struggle with change can hold them back in various areas of life, from personal growth to professional advancements, as they cling to the familiar and avoid the discomfort that often accompanies change.
7) Difficulty maintaining relationships
With all of the behaviors mentioned above, it’s not surprising that people with low emotional intelligence often struggle to maintain relationships.
When someone lacks empathy, can’t handle feedback, or is overly critical, it naturally takes a toll on the people around them.
Relationships require emotional give-and-take, and when one person just doesn’t “get it,” the balance quickly falls apart.
These individuals might find that their friendships fade, their romantic relationships hit roadblocks, or their professional connections feel strained.
They often don’t realize the role their behavior plays in these breakdowns. Instead, they might blame others—labeling them as “too sensitive” or claiming they “just don’t understand me.”
The irony, of course, is that the issue lies in their inability to understand others.
What makes this even more challenging is that they rarely learn from these experiences. Instead of reflecting on what went wrong, they might withdraw or repeat the same patterns with new people.
Over time, this cycle of broken connections can leave them feeling isolated and confused about why their relationships never seem to work out.
Understanding emotional intelligence
Just like any other skill, emotional intelligence can be learned and improved. The first step towards this improvement is recognizing the behaviors that indicate low emotional intelligence.
This acknowledgment is not an indictment or a life sentence; rather, it’s a critical step towards growth and self-improvement.
It’s important to note that everyone, at some point, will display behaviors indicative of low emotional intelligence.
We all have our moments of being overly critical or struggling with change. It’s part of the human experience.
It’s also worth mentioning that having low emotional intelligence doesn’t make someone a bad person.
They might just struggle more in areas like empathy, interpersonal relationships, and emotion management.
In a world that is becoming increasingly interconnected and where personal relationships often determine success, emotional intelligence has become a critical skill to possess.
It influences our communication, our professional success, and our relationship with ourselves and others.
The key lies in recognizing where change is needed, and having the courage to make that change.
