I know it’s not exactly easy to be in a relationship with someone who has trust issues and over-analyzes insignificant things in your relationship.
But it’s important to understand that there’s a reason they’re like that.
You see, trust issues often stem from an unhappy childhood – where one parent cheated on the other or left the family.
They can also appear because the person with the trust issues was cheated on or hurt and betrayed by someone close.
Bearing this in mind should help you understand how someone with trust issues thinks and why they may scrutinize certain things.
Here are 10 things in a relationship that people with trust issues usually over-analyze:
1) The time it takes to get a response to a text
This is especially true of people with trust issues who are in a relatively new relationship.
They’ll text their partner and wait for the response.
If they get a response almost immediately, they may think:
- “He was already looking at his phone. Who was he texting?” or;
- “Wonder why she’s up at this hour.”
And if it takes a while for them to reply, they’ll be wondering:
- “Why isn’t he replying?”
- “Is he ignoring me?”
- “Is she too busy flirting with someone else to see my message?”
- “What if she was in an accident?”
Everything is up for analysis and the brain of a person with trust issues is constantly speeding at 100 miles an hour.
They just can’t seem to relax and are always busy thinking up worst-case scenarios.
2) Social media activity of the person they’re dating
If you ask me, the invention of social media has only made life harder for people with trust issues.
It basically makes it very easy to “stalk” the person you’re dating by watching their every move on different social media platforms.
- “Who’s that in the photo next to him?”
- “Why is his ex commenting on his post?”
- “Why isn’t she posting any pics of us? Is she keeping her options open?”
- “Why doesn’t she like any of the photos I posted?”
And it goes on and on like that, pretty much all day every day. I honestly don’t know how they get anything done.
3) Secret keeping
People with trust issues are weary of secrets. They think that when you’re in a relationship with someone, there should be no secrets.
Now, I’m all for transparency, but what if the secret isn’t yours to reveal?
You see, sometimes a friend will confide in you and ask you not to tell anyone their secret, not even your partner. But your partner will disagree.
If you tell them that you feel you should keep certain things to yourself, it will drive them crazy.
- Don’t you love them?
- Don’t you trust them?
- Don’t you think your relationship is serious enough to be open with each other?
- What are you hiding from them, really?
Over-analyzing often borders on paranoia… I know, I know, it sucks.
So here’s the deal, you’ll help them with some chores or do something nice for them because you care about them, and guess what?
They’ll start wondering what you’re up to.
Did you do something bad and are trying to make up for it?
Surely you couldn’t just be sweet and kind without an ulterior motive, could you?
5) Cancelled plans
It’s really not a good idea to cancel or change plans when you’re dealing with someone who has trust issues.
It’s like opening Pandora’s box or a big can of worms!
You see, people with trust issues are so scared of being hurt, betrayed, and abandoned that they live in constant fear of that happening.
So if you cancel plans with them, they’re bound to come up with a million reasons why you’d do that – from you being tired of them to you having someone on the side!
I have a sneaking suspicion that even if you had no social life and spent 24 hours a day with your partner, they’d still be scared of losing you.
But hopefully, that’s not the case and you do have a social life.
Now, your friends may include people of the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re gay), and well, that could lead to some over-analyzing.
- “Aren’t his buddies enough? Why does he need to hang out with her?”
- “He thinks they’re just friends but I know what she’s after!”
- “Look at him, he looks like he came off the cover of Men’s magazine. Friend my a**!”
- “What does she need him for? Can’t she be friends with me?”
7) Expressions of affection
Even the way you express your affection for your partner is bound to be scrutinized.
If you tell them they’re pretty, they’ll wonder why they’re not beautiful.
If you tell them you care about them a lot, they’ll think, “Care… what about love?”
And if you say you love them, they may not believe you and think you’re just saying that you love them because you think it’s what they want to hear.
You really can’t win…
Look, we all make mistakes, it’s human nature.
And usually, when we do something that has a negative impact on someone we care about, we feel bad and want to make it right, so, naturally, we apologize.
But no matter how sincere and heartfelt the apology, it’s another thing to probe into.
Is it really sincere? Do they mean it? Will they just repeat the same behavior again? How can they be trusted?
9) Your past
Nothing is off limits when it comes to a person with trust issues, which means that you shouldn’t be surprised if they start scrutinizing your past relationships, looking for patterns and red flags.
Let’s say you were in a relationship when you met your current partner… you can probably guess where I’m going with this. What’s to stop you from falling in love with someone else now?
Or maybe you had a fear of commitment and left your fiancée years ago. Will you do the same thing to your partner now?
They’re basically looking for anything that proves you’re not trustworthy, as if knowing it in advance will shield them from any future pain.
10) Financial transactions
Now this is usually concerning people who are in a long-term relationship and have shared finances.
It’s quite probable that your spending habits are being closely monitored.
That means when something out of the ordinary comes up, your partner is quick to start jumping to conclusions.
So what can you do about it?
I know it can all be a bit overwhelming, but if you love the person you’re with and if apart from their trust issues things are going great for you, then hang in there!
My advice is to have a serious and heartfelt talk with your partner.
Let them know how much they mean to you, but also that you’re not going to alter your life to play into their paranoia.
For example, you won’t stop being friends with someone just because they’re jealous and imagining all sorts of things.
Encourage them to talk to a therapist about the problem. They need to figure out where their trust issues come from and get guidance in overcoming them.
If they need extra encouragement, offer to go to therapy with them.
They need to understand that although you are there and care for them, their trust issues and over-analyzing of every situation are putting a lot of strain on your relationship.
In the long run, so much pressure just isn’t tenable.
And if you have trust issues…
If the person reading this is someone with trust issues who tends to over-analyze everything in their relationship, my advice is to see a therapist and deal with the issue.
You don’t want to spend the rest of your life afraid, do you?
I have a close friend of mine whose father left her mother when she was four and started a new family, from scratch. She hardly ever saw him.
Unfortunately, my friend still hasn’t dealt with her trust issues and she’s managed to push away anyone who comes close.
Don’t be like her, face your fears, let yourself open up, and learn to trust.
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