Lucas Graham
If you’re reading this, odds are high that you’ve crossed paths with someone whose personality traits were a challenge to navigate.
Perhaps it was a coworker, a neighbor, or even a close friend whose characteristics consistently rubbed you the wrong way.
My first encounter with this was an office mate whose constant arrogance and inability to listen made working together a daily struggle.
I tried patience, open communication, even humor — all without success.
Eventually, I had to request a desk change.
It’s draining dealing with difficult personalities, but there are more effective ways to manage it. Here are some important insights from therapists I wish I’d understood sooner.
1) Recognize and accept their personality traits
This was a lesson I learned the hard way during my experience with the challenging coworker I mentioned earlier.
I was acknowledging…but to criticize.
I was quick to express my annoyance about their disruptive traits or planning strategies to change them.
However, therapists say the first step in coping with difficult personalities is recognizing and accepting their traits. We need to truly understand their behaviors and do our best to accept them as they are.
While this might appear as a straightforward tip, it’s crucial as it sets the stage for all the upcoming strategies on this list.
2) Maintain your boundaries confidently
During my struggle with the challenging coworker, I often found myself bending over backwards to accommodate their behavior.
I found myself adjusting my work schedule or modifying my approach to avoid conflicts, thinking this would make things easier.
But, as I later realized, this was not the best strategy. I was enabling their behavior.
Seems clear-cut, doesn’t it?
It is. Looking back, I probably recognized that I was not handling the situation correctly, but it was easier to avoid confrontation.
It’s all too tempting to fall into this pattern.
So what’s a better approach?
Maintain your boundaries confidently. We can show respect and understanding without becoming a doormat for difficult behaviors.
Focus on preserving your personal space and emotional health rather than constantly trying to appease them.
Instead of saying, “I’ll adjust my schedule again,” you might assert, “I’ve made several accommodations already. Let’s find a solution that works for both of us.”
By doing this, we avoid enabling their difficult traits while still maintaining a respectful environment.
3) Practice emotional detachment
In the midst of my struggles with the difficult coworker, I often found myself emotionally entangled in their actions and behaviors.
I would constantly replay our interactions in my head or worry about how their behavior might affect our next meeting.
But, as I came to understand later, this was a detrimental strategy. I was allowing their traits to control my emotions.
Seems self-evident, doesn’t it?
It is. Reflecting back, I probably knew deep down that getting emotionally involved wasn’t helping, but it was hard to separate myself from the situation.
Therapists say it’s easy to get caught up in this cycle.
So what’s a healthier approach?
Practice emotional detachment. We can acknowledge their behavior without letting it affect our emotional state.
Focus on managing your own reactions rather than getting swept up in their emotional turmoil.
Instead of thinking, “Their arrogance is going to ruin our presentation,” try shifting to, “Their behavior is their responsibility. I’ll focus on delivering my part well.”
By doing this, we avoid getting emotionally drained while still maintaining professional relationships.
4) Show appreciation for their positive attributes
During my ordeal with the difficult coworker, I found myself focusing solely on their negative traits.
I would constantly find fault in their arrogance and lack of listening skills, allowing these characteristics to overshadow any positives.
But as time went on, I realized that this perspective was limiting. I was missing out on their strengths.
This may not be the first strategy that comes to mind, but it’s a powerful one.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and sometimes acknowledging the positive attributes can change the dynamics of a relationship.
According to therapists, you should focus on finding and acknowledging the good in them rather than fixating solely on the negatives.
Instead of thinking, “They never listen to anyone,” try shifting your perspective to, “They are really good at taking initiatives. That’s a valuable trait.”
By doing this, we create a more balanced view of their personality and may even find ways to work together more effectively.
5) Seek professional guidance when necessary
In the midst of my struggle with the difficult coworker, I thought I could handle everything on my own.
I believed that if I applied enough patience, understanding, and assertiveness, I could navigate around their challenging traits.
But as time wore on, I realized that sometimes, a situation calls for professional expertise. I was neglecting to seek outside help.
We often forget that therapists and counselors are trained specifically to handle these types of situations.
Focus on recognizing when you need additional help rather than trying to shoulder the burden alone.
Instead of thinking, “I can deal with this by myself,” consider reaching out to a professional and saying, “I could use some guidance dealing with a difficult personality at work.”
By doing this, we can gain new insights, strategies, and coping mechanisms from experts who understand these situations well.
6) Encourage their self-awareness
When someone is constantly showcasing difficult traits, it can be taxing. I’ve been there.
It is so taxing, in fact, that it can be easy to dismiss any signs of self-awareness they may display.
However, it’s vital to pay attention to these moments, however infrequent they may be.
When dealing with someone with challenging personality traits, acknowledging and affirming moments when they display self-awareness, openness to feedback, or a willingness to adapt can encourage more positive behavior in the future.
We often overlook this. However, with patience and persistence, reinforcing self-awareness can lead to significant changes in their behavior over time.
It’s about recognizing the small victories. Just ensure your recognition is genuine.
I’ve chosen to share this point last on our list, but it’s actually one of the most important things to remember when dealing with people with difficult personality traits.
And it’s not just about managing them.
7) Prioritize your own well-being
Yes, your own.
If you regularly interact with a person whose personality traits are difficult to handle, it can become overwhelming and affect your mental health.
This is especially true if that individual is a close friend, family member, or coworker.
Remember that your own well-being is paramount and if you’re not taking care of yourself, you’ll struggle to cope with others.
Neglecting your own needs can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, stress, and even burnout.
You need to establish boundaries without feeling guilty. As renowned researcher and author Brene Brown wisely said:
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
Take time for self-care. Engage in activities that uplift you. Do whatever you need to do to prioritize your well-being.
8) Embrace the journey to self-discovery
In the midst of these struggles, it’s all too easy to lose sight of our own needs, desires, and values. However, acknowledging your own needs and aligning yourself with your purpose can be a transformative experience.
And this is where the Find Your Purpose Masterclass comes in. Led by Justin Brown, co-founder of The Vessel and Ideapod, this masterclass provides an unconventional approach to discovering your life purpose.
By aligning with your purpose, you’ll find an inner strength that not only helps you navigate relationships but also life’s many challenges.
Remember, understanding those with difficult personality traits is important, but understanding yourself is paramount. This journey towards self-discovery might be just what you need to turn these challenges into opportunities for personal growth.
