People with poor social skills usually say these 10 things (without realizing the impact they have on others)

Navigating social interactions can be a tricky business. Often, those with lesser social skills inadvertently say things that can rub others the wrong way, without intending to or realizing the impact.

Poor social skills can lead to a misstep in communication, causing discomfort, confusion, or even offence. Unknowingly, some people utter phrases that can be misconstrued or negatively received by others.

This piece will spotlight those common statements made by individuals with poor social skills. Here are 10 things they often say, without understanding the effect they have on their conversational partners. 

Let’s get started. 

1) “I know, right?”

We’ve all been in conversations where we’re sharing our experiences or thoughts, and the other person responds with a dismissive, “I know, right?” While it might seem like an affirming phrase on the surface, it can often come off as dismissive or even arrogant.

The phrase “I know, right?” can subtly imply that the speaker already knows what you’re talking about, and your input might not be as valued or unique as you initially thought. It’s like saying, “Yeah, I’ve been there, done that” and can unintentionally belittle the other person’s experiences.

This response also shuts down further exploration of the topic. Instead of encouraging a deeper conversation or asking to learn more about your perspective, this phrase can put a full stop to the discussion.

And here’s the kicker: most people who use this phrase aren’t even aware of the potential negative impact it can have. They might think they’re agreeing or showing empathy when, in fact, they may be cutting the conversation short or diminishing the other person’s experience.

2) “You’re overreacting”

I remember once, a friend of mine was sharing a particularly distressing incident from their workplace. They were visibly upset and needed a supportive ear. Without realizing it, I responded with “Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit?” The change in their expression was immediate and I knew I’d made a mistake.

The phrase “You’re overreacting” is something that people with poor social skills often use, without understanding the impact it can have. It can be seen as belittling or invalidating someone else’s feelings or experiences.

In my case, I thought I was helping by offering perspective. But what I didn’t realize was that my friend wasn’t seeking advice or perspective at that moment. They were looking for empathy and validation for their feelings.

By saying they were overreacting, I unintentionally dismissed their feelings and made them feel small. It was an unpleasant lesson, but it taught me the importance of validating others’ emotions and experiences instead of judging their reactions.

3) “No offense, but…”

Here’s an interesting one: the phrase “No offense, but…” It’s a common precursor to a potentially offensive statement. Many people use it believing that it will soften the blow of whatever comes next. But in reality, it often does the exact opposite.

Research in the field of linguistics and communication suggests that when someone hears “No offense, but…”, they automatically brace themselves for something offensive. It’s like a red flag that signals an incoming insult or critical remark. This phrase can instantly put the listener on the defensive and make them less receptive to what follows.

And the worst part? The speaker might not even realize the negative impact of using this phrase. They may think they are being considerate or tactful, while in reality, they’re alienating the listener.

4) “Whatever”

“Whatever” is a word that’s thrown around quite often in conversations. It might seem harmless, but it can have a surprising impact on how others perceive us.

When used dismissively, it can convey indifference or even disrespect. It may appear as though you’re not interested in what the other person has to say or you’re unwilling to engage in a meaningful conversation.

“Whatever” can create a communication barrier, making the other person feel unimportant or undervalued. It can give off an impression of laziness or apathy, which can be damaging in both personal and professional relationships.

Sadly, many people who frequently use this term don’t realize the negative impression it creates. It’s not about avoiding the word altogether but rather being mindful of the context and the tone in which it’s being used.

Instead of a dismissive “whatever”, consider saying something like “I see your point” or “Let’s agree to disagree”. This shows that you respect the other person’s opinion, even if you don’t agree with them.

5) “Calm down”

“Calm down” is another phrase that people with poor social skills often use without realizing its impact. It might seem like a reasonable request when someone appears upset or agitated, but it seldom has the desired effect.

Telling someone to “calm down” can come across as dismissive or patronizing. It can imply that the person’s feelings are not valid or important. Instead of soothing, it may escalate the situation as the person might feel misunderstood or belittled.

Moreover, it shifts the focus from the problem at hand to the person’s reaction to the problem. It puts the blame on them for being ‘too emotional’ rather than addressing the issue that caused the upset in the first place.

A more effective approach might be to acknowledge their feelings and show empathy. Phrases like “I can see you’re upset” or “I’m here for you” can help defuse the situation and make them feel supported and heard.

6) “It’s not a big deal”

“It’s not a big deal” is a phrase that can unintentionally cause a lot of hurt. We often use it in an attempt to soothe or reassure someone, but it may end up doing just the opposite.

When we say “It’s not a big deal”, we might be trying to provide perspective, to show that things aren’t as bad as they seem. But for the person on the receiving end, it might feel like their emotions or experiences are being minimized or invalidated.

Imagine pouring your heart out about something that deeply affects you, only to hear “It’s not a big deal” in response. It can be incredibly disheartening. It feels as though your feelings aren’t important enough to be taken seriously.

The truth is, what might not seem like a big deal to one person can feel like the world to another. Instead of dismissing their feelings, try saying “I understand why you’d feel that way” or “I’m here for you”. These responses acknowledge their feelings and show that you care, making all the difference in the world.

7) “That’s not my problem”

A while back, I found myself in a situation where a coworker was struggling with a task that wasn’t part of my job description. Overwhelmed and frustrated, they approached me for help. My immediate response was, “That’s not my problem.”

This phrase, while truthful in some situations, can come across as cold and uncooperative. It can create a divide between you and the person seeking help or understanding, making them feel isolated or dismissed.

In retrospect, I could have approached the situation differently. While it wasn’t my problem per se, a little empathy and willingness to help could have gone a long way. Even if I couldn’t solve the issue for them, offering to lend an ear or give some advice could have been more supportive.

8) “I was just being honest”

Honesty is generally a prized virtue. But there’s a phrase that often accompanies brutal or insensitive honesty: “I was just being honest.” It’s a phrase that can cause more harm than good.

When people say “I was just being honest”, they usually believe they’re doing the right thing. They think they’re providing useful feedback or necessary truth. But the reality is, it can often come off as harsh or insensitive.

This phrase can serve as a shield to hide behind while delivering unfiltered criticism or rude remarks. It puts the blame on the listener for not accepting the ‘truth’, rather than on the speaker for not conveying it in a considerate manner.

9) “I don’t care”

“I don’t care” is a phrase that’s frequently used, but often misunderstood. It might be intended to convey indifference or a laid-back attitude, but it can often be interpreted as dismissive or even rude.

When you say “I don’t care”, it might seem like you’re giving the other person the freedom to choose or decide. But what it often communicates is a lack of interest or investment in the matter at hand. This can make the other person feel unimportant or disregarded.

Moreover, if used frequently, it can give off an impression of apathy or disinterest, which can be detrimental in any relationship, be it professional or personal.

Instead of saying “I don’t care”, consider using phrases like “I trust your judgment” or “What do you think would be best?”. These alternatives show that you value the other person’s opinion and are invested in the outcome.

10) “You always…” or “You never…”

“Always” and “never” are two words that can dramatically escalate a conversation into an argument. These absolute terms often precede criticism and can make the other person feel attacked or defensive.

When you start a sentence with “You always…” or “You never…”, it feels like an attack on the person’s character rather than their behavior. It can make them feel like they’re being unfairly judged based on a single action or incident.

Instead, try focusing on the specific action or behavior that bothers you, and express how it makes you feel. For instance, instead of saying “You never listen to me”, you could say, “I feel unheard when I’m talking and you’re on your phone”.

This approach addresses the issue without resorting to character assassination or making sweeping generalizations. It’s a far more effective way of communicating and resolving conflicts.