People with poor social skills use these 10 phrases without realizing how they come across

Social skills could really make or break a conversation. As much as we hate to admit it, we’ve all had moments where we’ve said something and instantly regretted it.

Sometimes, people with underdeveloped social skills tend to use certain phrases without realizing how they might be perceived by others. It’s not about intentionally causing discomfort or offense, but rather just not knowing better.

In this article, we’ll be diving into 10 phrases often unknowingly used by those with poor social skills. And hey, if you catch yourself using any of these, don’t fret! We’re here to help you improve.

So, ready to become more socially aware? Let’s get started.

1) You always…

Navigating social interactions can be a tricky business. One common pitfall is the use of absolute language, particularly when addressing people’s actions or behaviors.

Phrases beginning with “You always…” or “You never…” are often a go-to for those with less developed social skills. It’s a blanket statement that doesn’t leave room for nuance, and it can come across as accusatory or aggressive.

Consider this: how would you feel if someone told you, “You always interrupt when I’m talking!” It sounds confrontational, doesn’t it?

Instead, the more socially savvy approach would be to express how the action makes you feel, and provide specific instances as an example. This way, it opens up a conversation rather than escalating into an argument.

Communication isn’t just about getting your point across; it’s also about understanding and respecting the other person’s perspective. The use of absolute language often undermines that respect and understanding.

2) It’s not my fault…

I remember a situation from my own life where I learned how this phrase could be misinterpreted.

One day, I was running late for a meeting with a friend at a coffee shop. When I finally showed up, panting and flustered, the first words out of my mouth were “It’s not my fault… the traffic was terrible!”

That phrase, “It’s not my fault,” can often be perceived negatively. It can sound like an excuse, a way to deflect responsibility instead of simply owning up to a mistake or an oversight.

From my friend’s perspective, she’d been waiting for me for over half an hour. My immediate defensiveness probably didn’t make her feel any better about the situation.

Looking back, a more socially adept response would have been to apologize first and explain later. “I’m really sorry for making you wait. The traffic was worse than I expected,” sounds much better, doesn’t it?

And that’s the thing about social skills – they’re often about considering the other person’s perspective and feelings before your own.

3) I knew that already…

When engaging in conversation, one phrase that can instantly put a damper on the interaction is “I knew that already.” It can come off as dismissive or even arrogant, shutting down the other person’s attempt at sharing something they found interesting or informative.

Psychologists have found that this kind of response can actually hinder the building of relationships. It creates an unnecessary competition, where conversations become more about who knows more, rather than mutual sharing and learning.

A better approach would be to acknowledge what the other person has said, even if it’s not new information. Responding with phrases like “That’s interesting!” or “Oh yeah, I’ve heard about that too!” keeps the conversation flowing and makes the other person feel valued and heard.

4) That’s stupid…

We’ve all encountered moments when we’re presented with ideas or opinions that seem completely outlandish to us. The knee-jerk reaction might be to dismiss it outright, sometimes even using harsh words like “That’s stupid.”

The thing is, this phrase can be really damaging. It’s not just about disagreeing with a notion, it’s about invalidating the other person’s thoughts and feelings. It can make them feel belittled and less likely to open up in future discussions.

Instead of resorting to such dismissive language, try a more open-minded approach. Something along the lines of, “That’s an interesting perspective, but have you considered this…?” This way, you’re inviting a discussion instead of closing doors.

Social interactions should be about exchange and understanding, not just winning arguments. 

5) Whatever…

“Whatever” is often the word of choice when someone with poor social skills wants to end a conversation or argument. It’s a dismissive term that communicates a lack of interest or care for the other person’s opinion or feelings.

While it might seem like an easy way out of a heated discussion, it actually does more harm than good. It creates a barrier and can make the other person feel insignificant or unheard.

Instead of resorting to “whatever,” try to communicate your feelings or thoughts more clearly. If the conversation is getting too heated, you could say, “I think we’re both too worked up right now. Can we talk about this later when we’re calmer?”

Remember that effective communication involves active listening and respect for the other person’s viewpoint – even if you disagree. So, ditch the “whatever” and opt for more thoughtful responses.

6) I don’t care…

When it comes to social interactions, one of the last things anyone wants to hear is “I don’t care.” It’s a phrase that can feel like a punch in the gut, instantly deflating any enthusiasm or excitement.

This phrase communicates indifference towards the other person’s feelings or interests. It can make them feel unimportant or even rejected, and over time, it might even strain or break relationships.

In my own interactions, I’ve found that showing genuine interest in what the other person is saying, even if it’s not something I’m particularly passionate about, can strengthen bonds and deepen connections.

Instead of saying “I don’t care,” try expressing your own feelings in a more considerate way. Something like, “I see why you’re excited about this, even though it’s not really my thing” can go a long way.

At the heart of social skills is empathy – understanding and respecting the feelings of others. So choose your words carefully, and let’s create a more caring and understanding world together.

7) I’m just being honest…

There was a time when I believed that honesty was the best policy, no matter how harsh it may sound. That was until I realized how my “honest” comments were actually hurting people around me.

“I’m just being honest…” is a phrase often used as a veil to deliver blunt or insensitive remarks. Yes, honesty is crucial in any relationship, but there’s a thin line between being honest and being brutally honest.

I’ve learned that sometimes, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. Framing your thoughts in a compassionate and empathetic manner can make all the difference.

Instead of saying, “I’m just being honest, your dress doesn’t look good on you,” try something more considerate like, “I think the other dress compliments your style better.”

Honesty doesn’t have to be brutal. It’s about being truthful with kindness and respect.

8) I don’t need your help…

In a world that often values self-reliance and independence, it might seem surprising that saying “I don’t need your help” could be viewed as poor social skills. But hear me out.

This phrase can often come off as dismissive or unappreciative, especially when someone is genuinely trying to lend a hand. It can make them feel rejected and less likely to offer help in the future.

In reality, accepting help from others isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s an acknowledgment of their effort and kindness. It also facilitates a sense of connection and teamwork.

Instead of pushing away assistance with a curt “I don’t need your help,” consider saying something like, “Thank you for offering, but I’d really like to try and figure this out on my own first.”

9) It’s just a joke…

Humor can be a great icebreaker in social situations, but it can also be a double-edged sword. The phrase “It’s just a joke” is often used to brush off comments or actions that may have hurt or offended someone.

The problem with this phrase is that it dismisses the other person’s feelings and puts the blame on them for not finding it funny. It can come across as insensitive and show a lack of understanding or empathy.

Instead of using this phrase as a get-out-of-jail-free card, consider the impact of your words before you say them. If someone is upset by your joke, acknowledge their feelings and apologize.

Humor should bring people together, not pull them apart. So be mindful of your jokes and how they might be perceived by others.

10) That’s just who I am…

The phrase “That’s just who I am” is often used as a shield, a way to justify behavior that might be off-putting or even hurtful to others. It paints a picture of unchangeability, suggesting that there’s no room for growth or improvement.

However, it’s essential to remember that personal growth is a lifelong journey. We all have the capacity to learn, evolve, and better ourselves. When it comes to social skills, there’s always room for improvement.

Instead of falling back on “That’s just who I am,” consider taking the feedback on board. Look at it as an opportunity to grow and improve your interactions with others.

Acknowledging our shortcomings isn’t a sign of weakness. It shows strength and a willingness to become the best version of ourselves. So keep learning, keep growing, and keep striving for better social connections.

Final thoughts

Human nature is a complex, beautiful tapestry woven from threads of experiences, emotions, and interactions. At its core, social interaction is about understanding and connecting with others.

While the phrases we’ve discussed may seem trivial, they can have a significant impact on how we’re perceived by others and how effectively we communicate our thoughts and feelings.

The key point to remember is that poor social skills are not a life sentence. Research by renowned psychologist Carol Dweck emphasizes the concept of a ‘growth mindset’ – the belief that abilities can develop over time.

This includes social skills. They’re not fixed or immutable, but something we can continually work on. Every conversation is an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to become a better communicator.