Eliza Hartley
We all communicate differently, and sometimes we may not realize how our words are perceived by others.
Having poor social skills often means unknowingly using phrases that can rub people the wrong way. These are phrases that may seem harmless to us, but can have a negative impact on others.
In this article, I’ll be sharing the 8 phrases commonly used by folks with poor social skills and how they might be perceived. Trust me, you’ll want to avoid these if you’re aiming for positive interactions.
So, are you ready to learn and improve your social skills? Let’s dive in.
1) “You’re too sensitive”
Navigating social scenarios isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. And for those struggling with social skills, unintentional blunders can often occur.
One common phrase you might hear is “You’re too sensitive.” This statement can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it may seem like an attempt to diffuse a situation; on the other hand, it can come across as dismissive or invalidating someone’s feelings.
Empathy is key in social interactions. Instead of labeling someone as ‘too sensitive’, it’s more constructive to understand their perspective and acknowledge their feelings.
Remember, communication isn’t just about what you say, but also how it’s perceived by others. By being aware of how your words might come across, you can improve your social skills and foster better connections with others.
2) “That’s not what I meant”
Trust me, I’ve been there. In my younger years, I often found myself saying “That’s not what I meant” when others misunderstood my intentions.
The issue with this phrase is that it puts the blame on the other person for misunderstanding, rather than taking responsibility for unclear communication. It can make the other person feel as though they are at fault for not ‘getting’ what you were trying to say.
For instance, I remember once telling a friend that their outfit was ‘interesting’. They seemed upset, and I quickly responded with “That’s not what I meant,” realizing that ‘interesting’ might have been taken negatively.
What I learned from this is that it’s better to clarify or rephrase our original statement. Instead of saying “That’s not what I meant,” a more effective approach could be, “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear, let me explain…”
This small shift can make a big difference in our interactions and how we are perceived by others.
3) “I don’t care”
“I don’t care” is a phrase that can be particularly damaging to relationships. It might seem like an easy way to avoid conflict, but it often comes across as dismissive or uninterested.
In the realm of communication, studies show that showing interest and being responsive to others is one of the key components of effective social interaction.
When we say “I don’t care,” we risk shutting down open communication and creating a barrier between ourselves and others. It’s important to remember that showing interest doesn’t mean you have to agree with the other person; it simply means you value their perspective enough to consider it.
Instead of saying “I don’t care,” try phrases like “Let me think about that,” or “That’s an interesting perspective.” These phrases show that you’re open to dialogue and respectful of others’ opinions, enhancing your social interactions.
4) “Whatever”
“Whatever” is one of those phrases that can easily slip out when we’re feeling dismissive or uninterested. While it might seem like a quick way to end a conversation or disagreement, it can come across as disrespectful and apathetic.
When we use this phrase, it often signals to the other person that we’re not really invested in the conversation or that their thoughts and feelings don’t matter to us. This can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment, damaging our relationships.
Instead, let’s try to communicate more effectively. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or need time to think, phrases like “Can we talk about this later?” or “I need some time to process this” can be more helpful. It shows respect for the other person’s feelings and makes room for constructive conversation at a later time.
5) “I told you so”
The phrase “I told you so” can often sting more than we realize. While it might give us a momentary feeling of satisfaction, it can leave the other person feeling belittled or foolish.
In an earnest attempt to help someone, we may unintentionally use this phrase when their actions lead to a predicted outcome. But in doing so, we risk damaging the trust and respect that are fundamental to any relationship.
Consider a situation where a friend didn’t heed your advice and ended up facing difficulties. Saying “I told you so” at that point will only add to their distress.
A more compassionate approach would be to offer support and understanding. Phrases like “We all make mistakes” or “What can we do to fix this?” foster empathy, reinforce the bond, and open up space for learning and growth. It’s not about being right, but about being there for each other.
6) “It’s not my fault”
The phrase “It’s not my fault” is one that I’ve struggled with in the past. It’s a defensive reaction that can sometimes surface when we feel attacked or criticized.
The problem with this phrase is that it may come across as shirking responsibility or failing to acknowledge a mistake. This can be detrimental to our relationships and hinder personal growth.
I recall a time when a project at work didn’t go as planned. My immediate reaction was to say, “It’s not my fault,” but I soon realized this wasn’t constructive or helpful.
Instead of resorting to this phrase, I’ve learned to say, “Let’s figure out what went wrong and how we can improve.” This approach encourages cooperation and problem-solving, paving the way for better outcomes and stronger relationships.
7) “That’s just the way I am”
While it’s important to stay true to ourselves, the phrase “That’s just the way I am” can come across as stubborn or resistant to change. It may seem like a defense of our personality, but it can also signal a reluctance to adapt or grow.
This phrase can be particularly detrimental in situations where our behavior has upset or hurt someone. By saying “That’s just the way I am,” we risk dismissing their feelings and shutting down any opportunity for improvement.
Instead, try phrases like “I understand why you feel that way and I’ll work on it,” or “I didn’t realize my actions had that effect. I’ll try to do better.” This shows a willingness to change and grow, which can improve our relationships and enhance our social skills.
8) “You always…/You never…”
The phrases “You always…” or “You never…” are sweeping generalizations that can be hurtful and damaging. They can make the other person feel criticized or attacked, leading to defensiveness rather than open communication.
These phrases imply a character judgment rather than addressing a specific behavior. They can put the other person on the defensive and shut down any potential for productive conversation.
The most important thing to remember is that focusing on the behavior rather than the person fosters better communication and understanding. Try saying, “I felt upset when…” or “It would help me if…” These statements express your feelings and needs without blaming or criticizing, paving the way for healthier, more effective communication.
Reflection: The power of mindful communication
The nuances of communication and social skills are deeply intertwined with our understanding, empathy and willingness to grow.
In a study by the University of California, Berkeley, researchers found that our brain’s prefrontal cortex, responsible for empathy and social understanding, is activated when we engage in effective communication.
When we use phrases that may come across as dismissive or insensitive, we’re not just impacting our relationships but also stunting our own potential for growth and understanding.
Improving our social skills isn’t just about avoiding certain phrases. It’s about building a bridge of understanding between ourselves and others. It’s about fostering empathy, being mindful of our words, and taking responsibility for how we’re perceived.
Whether it’s rephrasing a statement, acknowledging someone’s feelings, or learning to express ourselves more effectively, each step brings us closer to becoming better communicators and more understanding individuals.
As we journey through life, let’s remember the power our words hold and the profound impact they can have on our relationships. After all, it’s through communication that we connect with the world around us.
