Eliza Hartley
Emotional wisdom — it’s not just about knowing how to navigate your own feelings, but also about understanding the emotions of those around you.
It’s about empathy, compassion, and emotional intelligence.
But what happens when someone lacks this emotional wisdom?
Well, they usually display certain behaviors without even realizing it.
In this article, I’m going to share with you some of these behaviors that are common among people with little to no emotional wisdom.
My aim is to help you better understand these individuals and perhaps even recognize if you’ve been displaying these behaviors yourself.
After all, the first step towards gaining emotional wisdom is acknowledging the need for it.
1) They struggle to identify their feelings
In the world of emotional wisdom, the ability to correctly identify and understand one’s own emotions is crucial.
Yet, those lacking in this area often find it challenging to pinpoint exactly what they’re feeling. Their emotional landscape tends to be a blur.
They might feel upset, but can’t exactly discern whether it’s due to anger, sadness, or frustration.
And because they struggle to recognize their own feelings, they also have a hard time processing them in a healthy way.
This lack of emotional clarity often results in them reacting impulsively or inappropriately to situations.
It isn’t necessarily that they’re insensitive or apathetic; they just don’t have the emotional vocabulary to express themselves accurately.
In essence, this inability to identify their emotions is a common behavior among those lacking emotional wisdom.
2) Inability to empathize with others
Empathy. It’s a vital part of our social fabric, allowing us to understand and share the feelings of others.
But here’s the kicker:
Those lacking emotional wisdom often struggle to empathize. They find it difficult to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and feel what they’re feeling.
This isn’t because they’re heartless. It’s simply because understanding someone else’s emotions requires a solid grasp of your own first.
Imagine trying to translate a foreign language without knowing your own language well. Sounds impossible, right?
That’s how it is for individuals with low emotional wisdom attempting to empathize. They’re trying to understand others’ feelings without having a good understanding of their own.
As a result, their responses to others’ emotional states often come off as disconnected or inappropriate, creating misunderstandings and rifts in their relationships.
3) They may appear overly rational
Now, this might seem a little unexpected.
After all, isn’t being rational a good thing?
Indeed, rationality is essential. However, those lacking emotional wisdom often lean too heavily on it, to the point where it overshadows their emotional understanding.
Remember how we spoke about struggling to empathize with others in the previous point? This is where that comes into play.
When they encounter emotional situations, they may try to apply logic and reason where empathy and understanding are needed. This can come off as cold or detached, even when they don’t mean it to be.
This over-reliance on rationality often stems from their struggle to understand and process emotions – both their own and others’. So, they stick to what they know best: logical reasoning.
But human experiences are not always logical. And this is where they trip up. Their approach can result in a disconnect with others who perceive them as unfeeling or uncaring.
4) Difficulty maintaining close relationships
Ever wondered why some people find it hard to maintain close, intimate relationships?
Often, the root cause is a lack of emotional wisdom.
Emotionally wise individuals understand the give-and-take of relationships. They’re aware of their own feelings and sensitivities, as well as those of their partners.
This understanding allows them to respond appropriately and compassionately, fostering healthier relationships.
On the flip side, those lacking emotional wisdom struggle with this. Their inability to comprehend their own emotions, let alone someone else’s, makes it hard for them to navigate intimate relationships.
Misunderstandings may be frequent. They may inadvertently hurt their loved ones by responding inappropriately to emotional situations. Over time, these issues can strain or even break relationships.
In short, difficulty in maintaining close relationships can be a sign of lacking emotional wisdom.
However, it’s important to remember that everyone struggles with relationships at times. The key is recognizing these difficulties and working towards improving one’s emotional wisdom.
5) They exhibit emotional outbursts
Emotional wisdom involves being able to regulate your emotions. But for those lacking in this area, their emotions can often feel like a ticking time bomb.
Without the tools to understand and process their feelings, they may resort to emotional outbursts as a way of coping.
These outbursts can take different forms:
- Anger or aggression
- Sudden crying
- Impulsive actions
- Excessive anxiety or worry
These are not just mere mood swings. They’re usually a manifestation of pent-up feelings that the individual doesn’t know how to handle.
Such emotional volatility can be disruptive and damaging, both to the individual and their relationships. It’s one of the tell-tale signs of a lack of emotional wisdom.
6) They struggle to move past negative emotions
We’ve all been there, haven’t we?
A minor setback ruins our entire day. An offhand comment keeps us awake at night. We know it’s not productive, but we can’t help dwelling on these negative feelings.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
People lacking emotional wisdom often have a harder time moving past such negative emotions.
Why? Because they lack the tools to process these emotions appropriately. They might not understand why they’re feeling a certain way, making it difficult to address the root cause and move forward.
So, they get stuck in a loop of negativity, rehashing the incident or feeling over and over again in their minds.
Let’s be clear: It’s natural to feel upset when things don’t go our way.
But if you find it exceptionally hard to let go of negative emotions, it might be a sign of lacking emotional wisdom.
7) They frequently misinterpret others’ emotions
Imagine this: A friend shares a problem with you. They’re visibly upset, but instead of offering comfort, you respond with practical solutions. You mean well, but your friend feels unheard, even more upset.
Sound familiar?
People with a lack of emotional wisdom often misinterpret others’ emotions. They might mistake sadness for anger or frustration for disappointment.
This isn’t because they don’t care. Quite the opposite, they often care deeply. But their lack of emotional understanding leads them to respond inappropriately.
The key questions here are:
Do you often feel like you’re misunderstanding people’s feelings? Do your responses sometimes seem to upset people more, even when you have the best intentions?
If yes, this could be a sign of low emotional wisdom. But remember, it’s never too late to learn and improve.
8) They avoid emotional discussions
Sharing my own personal experience, I once had a friend who would always change the topic whenever conversations turned emotional.
At first, I thought they were just uncomfortable with emotions. But over time, I realized that they lacked the emotional wisdom to engage in such discussions.
You see, people who lack emotional wisdom often avoid emotional discussions. They find it hard to navigate these talks due to their own difficulty in understanding and expressing emotions.
These individuals prefer sticking to safe, non-emotional topics. This isn’t because they’re unfeeling or indifferent, but simply because they’re uncertain of how to handle emotional situations.
However, constantly avoiding emotional discussions can limit their personal growth and the depth of their relationships.
After all, sharing and discussing emotions is a key part of human connection and understanding.
9) They may seem emotionally distant
Finally, one of the most significant signs of a lack of emotional wisdom is seeming emotionally distant or detached.
People with low emotional wisdom often struggle to express their feelings. They might find it hard to open up, even to their closest friends or family members.
This isn’t because they don’t have feelings; they just don’t know how to verbalize them.
And this can often come off as them being distant or aloof.
But remember, seeming emotionally distant isn’t necessarily a personality trait; it could be a sign that the individual lacks emotional wisdom.
Understanding this can be the first step towards cultivating more emotional wisdom and fostering deeper, more meaningful connections.
So, what’s next?
Now that we’ve identified some behaviors associated with a lack of emotional wisdom, the question is where do we go from here?
Well, the first step towards gaining emotional wisdom is recognizing the need for it.
If you’ve noticed any of these behaviors in yourself, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, see it as an opportunity for growth.
Here are some suggestions on how to start building your emotional wisdom:
- Practice mindfulness: Being present in the moment can help you become more aware of your emotions.
- Seek professional help: Therapists and counselors are trained to help you navigate your emotional landscape.
- Read up on emotional intelligence: There are many great books and online resources on the topic.
Remember, emotional wisdom isn’t about being perfect. It’s about understanding our feelings and those of others, and using this understanding to navigate our lives better.
So take a moment today to reflect on your own emotional wisdom. Where do you stand? And more importantly, where do you want to go?
