There’s no perfect rulebook for relationships.
But there are certain key mistakes that people with high emotional IQ just don’t make.
Here’s a look at them.
1) Lashing out in the moment
When relationships get tense or have moments of drama, some of us lash out.
We say things we regret or raise our voice.
But people with high emotional IQ don’t lash out in the heat of the moment.
They have a firm control of their emotions and responses.
“They can recognize and understand the various feelings that sweep through them and are able to appropriately manage them.”
2) Becoming controlling
The temptation to become controlling exists in every relationship.
But it never ends well.
People with high emotional IQ avoid this temptation and have the discipline and respect to allow their partner to have freedom and live their own life.
They do this because they don’t want to be monitored and controlled, so why would they do it to someone else?
Especially somebody they love!
3) Demanding validation
When your partner gives you love and appreciation it’s a wonderful feeling.
But it needs to be voluntary.
High emotional IQ folks never demand validation or seek it out.
They know their worth and they trust in their partner’s love for them.
They don’t need to be told they’re loved and wanted all the time: they already know!
4) Dwelling in the past
The past matters and it will always be a part of us and who we become.
But folks with high emotional IQ and self-awareness don’t dwell in the past.
Especially when it comes to relationships and romance, dwelling in the past is a recipe for disaster.
It’s necessary to let the past be the past in order to open ourselves up to new experiences, new love and new hope.
The past matters, but it’s not the present.
5) Taking fights personally
Fights can get very nasty and hurtful in a romantic relationship.
It’s easy to take what your partner says very personally or hold a grudge about it and emotionally withdraw.
Those with high emotional IQ don’t do so, and if they are hurting from what was said or done they talk it through.
They know that just as they sometimes say and do things they regret, their partner does too.
They try their best to move on, instead of getting deeply hurt by fights.
6) Shutting down emotionally
When most of us feel hurt, misunderstood or unloved by a partner, our tendency is to emotionally shut down.
Those with high emotional IQ refuse to take the easy way out and follow their instincts.
They are willing to talk over difficult subjects and even to admit when they themselves have a particular need or sensitivity that their partner might not understand.
Those with high emotional IQ understand that not everyone is like them and that sometimes very well-intentioned individuals may not understand and be able to process emotions very well.
As such they are patient and talk things over with those they love.
They do not expect their partner to be a mind reader!
7) Refusing to communicate
Far too many of us expect somebody we’re with to read our minds.
Emotionally intelligent individuals know that this is an unrealistic expectation.
They’re always willing to communicate and say the quiet part out loud, even if it might seem obvious to them.
8) Sending mixed messages
Emotionally intelligent men and women don’t send mixed messages.
If their partner feels they are running hot and cold, they will address this and try to resolve why their behavior is impacting their partner in that way.
Mixed messages are sometimes impossible to avoid, since they are partly a matter of subjective perception.
But to the extent possible, emotionally smart people don’t send mixed messages.
9) Inciting jealousy
People with high emotional IQ may occasionally feel jealousy of their partner or other people: we all do from time to time.
But they don’t respond to that feeling or validate it.
And they don’t provoke it.
In other words, they don’t post things, do things and say things to make their partner jealous.
Unfortunately far too many people do intentionally incite jealousy or try to flirt with somebody else, for example, and see how their partner responds.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t bother with such games. They respect themselves and their partner too much to stoop to this low of a level.
This ties into the next point.
10) Chasing validation online
Those with high emotional intelligence don’t chase validation online.
Whether or not they enjoy social media and the digital realm, they don’t chase attention and validation there.
Whatever likes and comments they get are just a trivial detail.
They aren’t getting their emotional satisfaction and appreciation from people online, nor are they having their best conversations and interactions with people other than their partner.
11) Breaking confidence
When one person confides in another during a relationship, it can be a very vulnerable moment.
Personal details and experiences may be shared which are highly private or even have the potential to harm somebody’s reputation, career or future wellbeing.
A person with high emotional IQ does not break confidence.
What is told to them in the loving privacy of a relationship stays there.
Even if the relationship ends they do not break this confidence or share what was told to them in confidence.
12) Outsourcing problems
Those with high emotional IQ are willing to open up and share what they’re going through.
But they never put the burden of their problems on their partner.
They don’t outsource their problems or expect somebody else to take responsibility for them.
Firstly it’s unattractive and needy, and secondly it doesn’t work!
13) Making ultimatums
Times come in some relationships when a line has been crossed and something needs to be resolved.
It could be behavior from a partner that’s just not OK for one or both of them, or an upcoming decision that has the potential to break up the relationship.
People with emotional IQ understand this and know when serious discussion needs to take place.
But they don’t make ultimatums or give “either/or” demands.
They state their position and perception and hear their partner out, then make their decision without forcing any response.
14) Fitting partners to an ideal
We all have certain ideals and dreams of what love could be or should be.
But an emotionally conscious individual is self-aware of how limiting this can be.
They allow a relationship to be what it is instead of conforming to an ideal or expecting their partner to live up to a dream they have.
The messiness of real life is always preferable to a perfect dream.
15) Expecting perfection
Last and very importantly, emotionally sharp people don’t expect perfection!
A relationship that was perfect wouldn’t allow any room for growth and conscious love.
It would just run on autopilot.
The beauty of human partnership is that it’s never going to be perfect:
But with the right person it’s always going to be worth it!