If you feel confident and mindful, and you’re not afraid to rely on your partner for emotional support, then you could have a secure attachment style.
The good news?
It’s one of the healthiest attachments in a relationship where both people are equally supportive and balance each other out.
But it does take hard work and commitment to get there.
Fortunately, people with a secure attachment style often have these 8 personality traits that you can look out for because they go a long way to creating trust and long-term happiness.
Let’s get started by exploring these incredible traits below.
1) Strong self-esteem
When you have a secure attachment style, you have a strong sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
This is an excellent personality trait that most of us take years to work on!
Confidence is the answer to forming healthy relationships, particularly romantic relationships.
It’s when you feel insecure and lack self-esteem that things go awry. Low confidence can lead to jealousy and an unhealthy dependence on your partner as you constantly seek their approval.
This behavior results from an anxious attachment style.
People who are raised to feel valued develop a secure attachment style and are emotionally equipped to stand on their own two feet.
So, if you’re a naturally confident person, you could have a secure attachment style in your relationship.
Add confidence and independence together, and you get self-awareness.
Self-aware people can better regulate their emotions because they’re constantly in tune with how they feel.
Conflict and being alone are no match for this attachment style!
Secure attachments make it easier to feel comfortable when you’re on your own. You have a good sense of independence, and you can find a balance between spending time on your own and sharing with your partner.
You don’t let conflict or misunderstandings get in the way either because you’re equipped to handle your emotions before they get the better of you.
3) Trust and integrity
Because you feel safe with the people who are closest to you and you’re confident in your own abilities, you can trust without apprehension.
When you have a secure attachment in a relationship, you don’t need constant reassurance from your partner. If they decide to go out with friends, you won’t be checking your phone every 10 minutes or keep calling them without just cause.
This doesn’t mean that individuals with secure attachments never experience betrayal. On the contrary, they can trust with their whole heart and still be crushed by the person they love.
Despite feeling confident and independent, the pain of someone breaking your trust hits hard and can take quite some time to get over.
On a positive note, your security can help you heal from heartache because you give yourself time to adjust and then pick yourself up and move on.
You learn to trust again.
Rather than paint everyone with the same brush or put your walls up when you’ve been hurt, you evaluate the relationship.
If your boundaries are crossed, you have the self-worth to end it because you know exactly how you want to be treated.
At first, it’s hard to see why independence makes it onto the list of traits for a secure attachment style, but it serves an important part in building healthy and balanced partnerships.
In a relationship, you respect the boundaries of your partner, and you know that it’s necessary to maintain some level of independence from them.
So you don’t always need their approval when you want to do something like set a goal or pursue an opportunity.
It doesn’t mean that you simply steamroll them and forget that they have an opinion. You manage to do things for yourself without always applying pressure on the other person.
When you’re independent, you can spend time on your own and settle in a relationship because you know how to look after yourself.
Of course, too much independence in a relationship is never a good thing because it can make your significant other feel inadequate, as if they have no use or purpose.
It’s all about balance.
Once you find it, you won’t look back.
One thing that I can say for certain is that people who are raised with secure attachment styles have no fear of intimacy.
In fact, they are very affectionate people who enjoy physical touch and deep emotional connections.
If you can relate, then you could have more of a secure personality type.
Whether you feel happy or sad, you can be intimate in your relationship because you can feel vulnerable and easily depend on your partner. And being intimate goes beyond just the physical.
Someone who is confident and secure has specific relationship expectations, which include emotional support and effort from their partner.
Planning a date night, preparing dinner, or going out and enjoying a sunset in nature all create an intimate relationship where both people feel appreciated.
They have no issue letting their significant other know how they feel and what they need to be happy.
People who are described as having a secure style of attachment are seen as outstanding partners in relationships.
That’s because they have empathy.
Empathic people have the natural ability to understand where the other person is coming from in a discussion or while sharing ideas.
Even if there’s a disagreement, you’re supportive and don’t hesitate to provide a shoulder to cry on.
Think of empathy as a gift.
In relationships where the other person may be more anxious or insecure, your compassion gives you patience and understanding rather than judgment and frustration.
You might even go as far as helping your loved one to build their confidence and develop positive coping styles.
Why does this matter?
This approach goes a long way toward avoiding conflict because you’re equipping yourself to identify and satisfy the needs of your partner.
Securely attached people are known for their honesty and integrity. What purpose would it serve to hide things and not be transparent with the people you care about?
It takes quite a bit of energy to keep secrets, and when you’re secure in your own skin, you don’t have time for deception and games.
If you know that you can be yourself and you’re confident enough not to hide behind pretentiousness, you definitely have a secure attachment personality trait.
As they say, honesty is the best policy.
Your honesty allows you to freely express how you feel and what you think without being offensive.
You know who you are, and you have a purpose in life, so there’s no need to beat around the bush when things can be cleared up and easily expressed through honesty.
Honest partners don’t lack integrity, which means that they don’t believe in mind-reading when trying to figure out what their significant other wants and needs from them.
They tell it like it is while being compassionate and empathic.
Perhaps this describes you.
Rather than hide from the truth or keep your emotions hidden until they boil over, you let your partner know if you don’t like something they did.
They’ll clear the air and move forward, but if the relationship isn’t worth saving, they’ll be transparent about their intentions, too.
It’s quite a beautiful thing to be selfless. It’s an incredibly rare personality trait, too.
But what exactly does it mean?
In a relationship, it’s all about give and take. You’re equal partners, and one person’s emotional or physical needs shouldn’t be placed above the other.
As a secure and mindful individual, you know this.
You’re comfortable enough to make sacrifices in support of your partner and for the betterment of your relationship.
Let’s look at an example.
Your spouse is having a really bad day, and they pour their heart out to you about how unfairly they were treated at work. You think to yourself, “I don’t agree with their version of events, but I know they don’t need a lecture right now.” “I’m just going to listen.”
That’s what a selfless person does.
It’s not about them, even if they disagree with the situation. They know that there’s a time and a place to point out the wrongs, and they respect the opinions and values of their significant other.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t voice your opinions or establish healthy boundaries.
It just means that you’re mindful of your partner’s opinions and emotions, and you would never force someone to side with you, no matter the circumstance.
A secure attachment is considered the best attachment style because it creates balance in a relationship and helps you to be all that you can be.
There’s no apologizing for who you are, and your self-worth isn’t dependent on what your partner thinks or says.
You can be honest and supportive while standing by your morals and values. Even when things get hard, you know when to call it quits and walk away.
That shows immense inner strength and character.
You might not know it, but you aren’t born with a secure attachment style. It’s something that you can work on by focusing on areas such as your confidence and mindfulness.
Even if it takes a while, your efforts won’t go unnoticed, and you’ll be happier for it.