Eliza Hartley
Growing up with negligent parents can leave deep emotional imprints that often show up in adulthood.
Whether the neglect was emotional, physical, or both, the lack of care and support during formative years shapes how someone sees themselves, others, and the world around them.
It’s not just about the absence of parenting—it’s about the absence of feeling truly seen, heard, and valued.
For many, these early experiences lead to traits and behaviors that might feel like second nature but are deeply tied to their upbringing.
If you’ve ever wondered how childhood neglect might influence someone’s personality and habits, here are seven common traits that tend to develop later in life.
1) Difficulty in forming secure attachments
One of the most common traits seen in individuals raised by negligent parents is the difficulty in forming secure attachments.
This is often because as children, they could not rely on their caregivers for emotional support or consistent care.
As a result, they may develop an insecure attachment style, which can manifest in their adult relationships as well.
Insecure attachment styles can take various forms, such as:
- Anxious attachment: constantly fearing abandonment
- Avoidant attachment: shying away from closeness to protect oneself from potential hurt.
These individuals may find it challenging to trust others or may feel uneasy in intimate relationships. They might also have a fear of being too dependent or conversely, being too independent.
Understanding your attachment style is the first step towards healing and forming healthier relationships. There are numerous resources available, including therapy and self-help books, that can guide you in this journey.
2) Heightened sense of responsibility
People raised by negligent parents often develop an intense sense of responsibility—sometimes to a fault.
Growing up in an environment where they couldn’t rely on their caregivers, they likely had to fend for themselves from an early age.
This might have meant cooking their own meals, looking after siblings, or even managing emotional burdens that were far beyond their years.
Over time, this self-reliance can morph into a deep-rooted habit of taking on more than their fair share of responsibility in adulthood.
While this trait can be beneficial in certain situations, like at work or in leadership roles, it can also become overwhelming.
These individuals may struggle to ask for help or feel guilty when they’re not handling everything on their own.
The mindset of “If I don’t do it, no one else will” becomes ingrained, often leading to burnout or resentment in personal and professional relationships.
3) Low self-esteem
One of the most unfortunate effects of neglect is the lasting impact it has on self-esteem. Studies show that negligent parenting is strongly linked to low self-esteem.
When someone grows up feeling unseen, unheard, or unimportant, they often internalize the idea that they’re not worthy of attention or care.
Eventually, they carry these feelings of inadequacy into adulthood, doubting their value in relationships, work, and even within themselves.
This lack of confidence can manifest in various ways. They might avoid taking risks, feel overly critical of themselves, or struggle to accept compliments.
Deep down, they might believe they’re not “good enough,” a belief rooted in the neglect they experienced as children.
Even when they achieve success or are surrounded by supportive people, these feelings of unworthiness can linger, casting a shadow over their accomplishments.
4) Struggle with setting boundaries
Another struggle that people raised by negligent parents have is related to setting boundaries.
Being raised in an environment where their personal boundaries were frequently violated, they may have come to believe that their needs and feelings aren’t important.
As adults, they might find it difficult to establish and maintain boundaries in relationships.
For instance, they likely allow others to take advantage of them, or put others’ needs before their own to an unhealthy extent.
They might also feel guilty for saying no, or fear that setting boundaries will lead to rejection or abandonment.
Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and maintaining balanced relationships. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs and it’s okay to say no.
Learning to set boundaries often involves understanding your self-worth and practicing assertiveness.
5) Tendency towards perfectionism
Neglect during childhood can often lead to a strong tendency toward perfectionism in adulthood.
When a child grows up feeling like they need to earn love, attention, or approval—often unsuccessfully—they may internalize the belief that being “perfect” is the only way to be valued.
This perfectionism can carry over into adulthood, driving them to set impossibly high standards for themselves in an attempt to feel worthy.
On the surface, this might look like overachieving or excelling in certain areas of life, such as work or academics.
But underneath, perfectionism is often fueled by fear—fear of failure, rejection, or not being enough.
They may push themselves relentlessly, unable to celebrate their successes because they’re too focused on what they could have done better.
Over time, this can lead to stress, burnout, and even feelings of inadequacy despite their accomplishments.
6) Propensity for self-neglect
Unsurprisingly, being neglected as a child often leads to a tendency toward self-neglect in adulthood.
The message they received in childhood was basically this: their needs aren’t worth the effort.
Or worse, they don’t deserve it.
Such individuals might neglect their physical health, emotional well-being, or personal interests and hobbies. They might struggle with self-care practices and find it hard to justify spending time or resources on themselves.
7) Struggle with emotional regulation
Lastly, children who grow up with negligent parents often miss out on learning how to manage their emotions in healthy ways.
Without guidance or support, they may not develop the tools to navigate feelings like anger, sadness, or frustration.
As adults, this can lead to emotional outbursts, shutting down during conflict, or feeling overwhelmed by even minor stressors.
This struggle isn’t a lack of effort—it’s the result of never having a safe space to process and understand their emotions during critical developmental years.
For example, instead of learning how to express feelings constructively, they may have been ignored, dismissed, or told to “toughen up.”
Over time, this can create a cycle of bottled-up emotions that eventually spill over in unhealthy ways.
Learning to regulate emotions is a crucial part of mental health and overall well-being. Therapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can be particularly helpful in teaching emotional regulation skills.
Embracing healing and personal growth
Growing up with negligent parents can be challenging and leave lasting impacts. However, it’s essential to remember that these experiences do not define you.
You have the power to break free from these patterns and cultivate healthier habits, relationships, and self-perceptions.
The journey towards healing requires self-awareness, patience, and compassion towards oneself. Therapy can be an invaluable tool in this journey, as it can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, identify harmful patterns, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Self-care should be a priority. It’s not selfish to take care of your own needs. Prioritize rest, engage in activities that bring you joy, and nourish your body with healthy food and regular exercise.
Establishing healthy boundaries in relationships is also crucial. It’s okay to say no and protect your mental peace. You are not responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
Finally, remember that it’s okay to ask for help. Reach out to trusted friends or family members, join support groups, or seek professional help. You are not alone in this journey.
