People who were deprived of affection growing up usually display these 9 traits later in life, according to psychology

As human beings, love, care, and affection are crucial during our early years. It shapes who we become and how we navigate our relationships in adulthood.

Sadly, not everyone is blessed with this warmth in their childhood. Some people grow up in environments devoid of the affection that is so vital for their emotional development.

Growing up without affection can impact the way we behave and interact with others later in life. These effects can be subtle and hard to recognize initially but can become more prominent as time goes on.

In this article, drawing from the field of psychology, we will explore the nine traits often displayed by individuals who lacked affection during their formative years. These signs can give us a deeper understanding of their emotional world and how their past impacts their present.

1) Difficulty with intimacy

Intimacy doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Especially for those who missed out on the much-needed affection during their early years, it can be a challenging terrain to navigate.

These individuals often struggle to form deep, meaningful connections with others, primarily due to their fear of vulnerability. They might have trouble expressing their feelings or understanding the emotions of others.

You might notice that they are uncomfortable with physical affection or emotional closeness, often shying away from such situations. They may seem aloof, detached, or distant in relationships.

This struggle is not necessarily a conscious choice but rather an automatic response, developed over time as a protective mechanism against potential emotional harm.

It’s a way for them to shield themselves from the kind of emotional pain they experienced in their formative years.

Remember, this trait doesn’t mean they’re incapable of love or intimacy. It just means they might need more time, patience, and understanding to overcome these fears and build deeper connections.

2) Persistent feelings of insecurity

People who were deprived of affection during their formative years often carry a burden of insecurity into their adult lives. This insecurity might manifest in various ways, such as:

  • Self-doubt
  • Anxiety
  • A profound fear of rejection

They might constantly question their worth or value in relationships, always needing reassurance that they are loved and wanted. They may also be hypersensitive to criticism, taking even the most constructive feedback to heart.

This constant feeling of insecurity stems from not receiving the validation and love needed during childhood. Despite their achievements and strengths, they might still struggle to see their worth, always feeling as though they are falling short.

Recognizing this insecurity for what it is – a result of past deprivation, not a reflection of their true worth – is a crucial step towards managing it and developing healthier self-perceptions.

3) Overly independent

One might assume that growing up without affection would lead people to seek it relentlessly in their adult lives.

However, the reality can be quite the opposite.

Many individuals who were deprived of affection during their formative years develop a strong sense of independence. They learn to rely solely on themselves, avoiding dependence on others as much as possible.

They pride themselves on being self-sufficient and may find it hard to ask for help, even when it’s needed.

This trait is not necessarily negative; independence is generally a positive attribute. However, taken to an extreme, it can lead to isolation and hinder the development of meaningful relationships.

This extreme independence is often a defense mechanism, a way to avoid the pain of rejection or disappointment they may have experienced in their early years.

It’s their way of saying, “I don’t need anyone” when in reality, like all humans, they crave connection and companionship.

4) Struggle with self-love

Growing up without affection can leave deep, invisible scars. One of the most profound is the struggle with self-love.

These individuals often struggle to love and accept themselves as they are. They may constantly criticize themselves, focusing on their flaws and failures while neglecting their strengths and achievements.

They might feel like they’re never good enough, no matter how hard they try or how much they achieve. This internal dialogue can be incredibly damaging, leading to low self-esteem and, in severe cases, depression.

This struggle with self-love is a direct result of the lack of affection they received growing up. They were never shown how to love themselves, so they struggle to do so as adults.

It’s a painful reality that many carry with them into adulthood, often hidden behind a mask of strength or indifference.

5) Highly sensitive to others’ feelings

While growing up without affection can certainly leave its scars, it can also lead to the development of some truly empathetic individuals.

Those who have experienced a lack of affection in their youth often become highly attuned to the emotions of those around them.

They may be particularly sensitive to others’ feelings, often going out of their way to ensure that those around them feel comfortable and loved. They know what it’s like to feel unloved and unseen, and they never want anyone else to experience that.

These individuals often make great friends, partners, and caregivers precisely because they understand the importance of expressing affection.

They are typically the ones who will listen when you need to talk, hold you when you’re upset, and remind you of your worth when you’re feeling low.

This sensitivity is a testament to their resilience and their ability to transform their pain into empathy and compassion for others.

6) Fear of abandonment

Many of us fear being left alone or abandoned in some way – it’s a common human fear. But for people who grew up without affection, this fear can be amplified.

They might be constantly anxious about their relationships, always fearing that the people they care about will leave them. They can become clingy or overly protective, always needing to know that their loved ones are safe and aren’t going to abandon them.

This fear often stems from the neglect they felt in their childhood, and it can be incredibly hard to shake off.

It’s not about being overly dramatic or needy; it’s about trying to prevent reliving the painful feelings of their past.

Relating to this fear of abandonment isn’t difficult – after all, who hasn’t feared losing someone they love?

But for those deprived of affection in their early years, it’s a constant, nagging worry that can be both exhausting and heartbreaking.

7) Surprise gift-givers

Here’s a lighter trait that often emerges from those who grew up without affection – they tend to be fantastic at giving gifts! And not just on holidays or birthdays, but often out of the blue.

These individuals understand the power of small gestures and how much they can mean to someone.

They are usually the ones who remember your favorite candy bar or the book you mentioned wanting to read, surprising you with it just when you need a pick-me-up.

This giving nature stems from their desire to make others feel loved and cherished in ways they may not have felt growing up. It’s their unique way of spreading joy and showing their affection, and it’s often one of their most endearing qualities.

So if you have someone in your life who always seems to know just what you need and when you need it, they may have learned this skill from a place of deep understanding and empathy.

8) Easy to take advantage of

Let’s face it – people who were deprived of affection growing up often become easy targets for manipulative individuals. This isn’t a pleasant truth, but it’s an important one to acknowledge.

These individuals often crave the love and acceptance they missed out on as children, making them susceptible to people who recognize this and use it to their advantage.

They might end up in toxic relationships, always giving more than they receive, in their quest for love and acceptance.

It’s crucial for these individuals to understand that not everyone has their best interests at heart. They need to learn to set boundaries and stand up for themselves, recognizing that they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

This may be a tough pill to swallow, but understanding this can be the first step towards breaking the cycle and building healthier relationships.

9) Capable of incredible resilience

Despite all the challenges and struggles faced by those who grew up without affection, there’s one trait that rises above all – their incredible resilience.

These individuals have been through some of the toughest emotional experiences imaginable, yet they still manage to stand tall.

They’ve learned to navigate a world that didn’t always show them kindness, yet they often become the most compassionate souls you’ll ever meet.

They are fighters, survivors, and proof that we can overcome our past. Their strength and ability to keep moving forward is a testament to their resilience. It’s something to be admired and respected.

Above all else, remember this: Growing up without affection may have shaped them, but it doesn’t define them.

They carry their past with them, but they are not bound by it. They are capable of growth, change, and building the loving relationships they were denied in their early years.

Final reflections

The goal of this article is not to label or diagnose, but to shed light on how a lack of affection in childhood can influence behaviors and traits in adulthood.

Having one or all of these traits does not define a person. It merely highlights areas where growth and healing can occur.

It’s crucial to remember that change is possible. With self-awareness, understanding, and professional help, individuals can unlearn these behaviors, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and build fulfilling relationships.

Above all, keep in mind that everyone deserves love, care, and respect. No matter what your past looks like, you have the power to shape your future. And that journey begins with understanding yourself better.

As you reflect on this information, consider how you can use it to foster empathy for yourself or others who may have lived through similar experiences.

Remember: You are not alone. There is support available, and there is always hope for a brighter tomorrow.

Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham, based in Auckland, writes about the psychology behind everyday decisions and life choices. His perspective is grounded in the belief that understanding oneself is the key to better decision-making. Lucas’s articles are a mix of personal anecdotes and observations, offering readers relatable and down-to-earth advice.

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