Paul Brian
I wish that potential corresponded to success and fulfillment, but itโs far from the case.
In fact, I have numerous friends and people close to me who have enormous potential and massive gifts and talents but havenโt gotten near to making them felt in the real world.
Many of these folks have had difficult experiences and traumas, itโs true, but many also have a self-defeating mentality.
They have many excuses why they havenโt been able to make it. And the more they cling to these excuses, the more their disempowerment gets reinforced.
I want to take a look at these top excuses, because theyโre the most important mindset traps to avoid if you want to have a fulfilling and successful life that uses your potential.
1) Bad luck
The first and most common excuse of those who donโt dedicate themselves to their own potential is to talk about the bad luck theyโve had.
Iโm not saying itโs untrue, either.
I know people whoโve had loved ones die with no warning, relationships break up for no apparent reason and health problems completely derail their plans.
That said, admitting that bad luck is real doesnโt mean we have to worship it as our god.
In fact, allowing bad luck to define our life and what we do with it is a recipe for misery.
2) Lack of support
Not everybody receives the same level of support in life.
From the earliest age, some are born and raised in loving homes while others have to claw for attention whenever they can receive it.
In other words, everyoneโs not born equal in terms of the support they get.
But when people use this as an excuse not to pursue their potential it ultimately becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and feeds into a downward spiral.
Closely tied to a lack of support is the following excuse:
3) Not enough appreciation
We all like a pat on the back or a round of applause. At least many of us do.
But for somebody who didnโt grow up with much validation or still feels largely overlooked, a lack of appreciation can make them drop out of life.
โNobody cares about what I do, so why bother?โ they think.
The sad thing is that even if many people did care a lot, centering oneโs actions and life on what others do or donโt think is disempowering and leads in a disappointing direction.
4) Childhood trauma
Childhood trauma is another area where people often make excuses about not living up to their potential.
The trauma may have been devastating. It may have been much more than most.
But when people talk about how their childhood mistreatment means they canโt follow their dreams now, they do themselves a disservice.
They block a potential avenue of translating and channeling some of that trauma into their profession and life.
5) Being misunderstood
I completely get this issue and itโs a big one:
Many folks waste their potential because they just donโt feel understood and seen.
They feel like a foreign diplomat without a translator trying to speak to somebody who doesnโt speak their language.
How can they get their message across?
Why even start if people arenโt going to get it?
6) Fear of being judged
This ties into the previous point about being misunderstood.
Many of those I know who are not taking advantage of their potential are afraid of being judged. They fear the disapproving looks and words of people.
But what โpeople,โ exactly?
This is exactly the issue, is that all too often talented individuals let their potential go to waste out of a bogeyman they have created in their heads.
Sure, while many people may not understand what somebody does or dislike it, some other folks will likely get it and appreciate it.
Even if being negatively judged doesnโt happen, they worry that they just donโt get enough positive feedback.
7) Financial necessity
Money isnโt everything, but itโs definitely not nothing either.
Many people will talk about how financial necessity is the reason they canโt pursue their dreams or develop their potential:
They have to keep their crappy job at the supermarket or keep pumping gas. They have to drop out of college and go on government assistance.
Why?
Because the money is just too tight.
Iโm not saying itโs a lie, and sometimes itโs absolutely true. But financial necessity should never be more than a temporary reason for not going after oneโs goals.
Eventually people need to find a way to let their potential shine even if itโs not yet very profitable.
8) A tough job market
On a related note to financial necessity we get to a tough job market in general.
Many folks let their potential go to waste because they just donโt see a place for their skills in the market.
โWell yeah Iโd start my craft store, but I donโt really see where it would fit in. Plus, with the cost of leases right nowโฆโ
The fact is that even when alternatives are suggested (splitting that leased space, renting away from downtown?) the person tends to dismiss these suggestions.
The job market just isnโt set for them to succeed, at least according to this person.
This relates to the next point as wellโฆ
9) Too much competition
Whether itโs professionally or personally, people who waste their potential often focus on the obstacles in front of them instead of on their own power.
They see the competition and people ranged against them and feel overwhelmed.
โThereโs so much competition out there! What place is there for me? I mean, be realistic,โ they may say.
At the end of the day it may be true that thereโs a ton of competition out there.
But those who let the competition have the final word and donโt give it their all will never truly know victory or defeat, since they wonโt have truly, fully attempted to succeed at their dream.
10) โI donโt belong thereโ
Imposter syndrome is another big reason why many talented people waste their potential.
Their inner critic keeps telling them that theyโre just not good enough and that any success theyโve had is ultimately undeserved.
No matter how well they do, this person feels that theyโre not truly good enough.
The self-doubt then begins to increase to the point that they become stagnant and stop growing or even actively undercut their ability to get promotions, have healthy relationships and move forward in life.
As career coach and author Marty Nemko, Ph.D. puts it:
โDeep down many people, especially those who suffer from imposter syndrome, do little to improve.โ
11) Needing more preparation
Many people who donโt tap into their potential spend all their time getting prepared.
They say theyโll send the application to their dream program once they save up more moneyโฆ
They say theyโll be committed to a relationship once they work on their own issues in therapy for a few more years firstโฆ
And so on.
The bottom line?
They need more time to prepare. Theyโre not quite ready to play their cards. When you ask later they still arenโt ready! It seems like endless stallingโฆ
And thatโs ultimately what this endless need for more prep time is: self-sabotage.
12) โThereโs no way Iโd get that farโ
This is something Iโve heard from many people who doubt their dreams.
They have talents, they have passions, but they are also wracked by serious self-doubt.
Deep down, they donโt really believe in themselves.
In some cases, they do believe in themselves, but they know that if they got that far, theyโd no longer have any excuses and theyโd be forced to reckon with the truth:
They have much more ability and greatness in them than their inner critic and doubts would ever have admitted.
No more excuses
If you can relate to the signs above, itโs time to leave the excuses to the side and forget about them completely.
If you find that youโre also saying โthereโs no way Iโd get that far,โ as in point 12, talk back to that inner critic!
There is a way youโd get that far, and in fact you probably will if you commit strongly enough.
We all have excuses.
Some are better than others, but none of them merit wasting your potential.
Whatever talents and dreams you have, now is the time to put them into action and pursue your goals at all costs.
