Lucas Graham
We all want to be liked by others but there is such a thing as trying too hard to be popular, and trust me, this isn’t a good thing.
People who are naturally well-liked aren’t trying to win a popularity contest. They’re just being themselves, and others naturally gravitate towards them.
On the flip side, those who are trying too hard often display certain behaviors that they may not even realize, behaviors that are insincere or even off-putting.
In this article, we’ll explore eight behaviors commonly displayed by people who try too hard to be well-liked and popular, often without even realizing it.
1) Seeking constant validation
One of the first signs that someone is trying too hard to be liked is their need for constant validation.
In their quest for popularity, these individuals often become overly concerned with how others perceive them. This can lead to an unhealthy dependence on external validation, rather than developing a strong sense of self-worth.
They might be constantly fishing for compliments, or subtly (and sometimes not-so-subtly) seeking reassurance that they’re liked and appreciated.
This can range from incessantly asking if they’ve done something wrong when there’s no indication of it, to constantly seeking approval for every minor decision they make.
While it’s perfectly natural to want reassurance from time to time, relying on others for your self-esteem can come off as needy or insecure. It’s a behavior that’s often more likely to push people away than draw them in.
So if you find yourself constantly seeking validation, it might be worth taking a step back and examining why that is.
2) Overcompensating with generosity
A common behavior I’ve noticed among people trying too hard to be liked is overcompensation through excessive generosity.
I remember a friend from my college days, let’s call him Jake.
Jake was always the first to offer to pay for meals, drinks, movie tickets, you name it. All in an attempt to be seen as the “nice guy”.
But it wasn’t long before his acts of generosity started to feel less genuine and more like he was trying to buy friendship.
Generosity is a wonderful trait, but when it’s used as a tool to win people over, it often comes off as insincere and even manipulative.
Authentic relationships aren’t built on financial transactions but on mutual respect and shared experiences.
So if you find yourself frequently picking up the tab, not out of kindness but out of a desire to be liked, it might be worth reassessing your actions. Genuine friendships are built on more than just how much you can give.
3) Over-sharing personal details
In the world of social psychology, there’s a concept known as the “norm of reciprocity.” It’s the idea that when someone shares something with us, we feel obligated to share something in return.
Those trying too hard to be popular may exploit this norm by over-sharing personal details in an attempt to prompt others to do the same. They believe that by sharing intimate details about their lives, others will feel compelled to reciprocate, creating a false sense of closeness.
However, this tactic can often backfire.
Sharing too much too soon can make others uncomfortable and actually create distance rather than closeness.
It’s important to remember that trust and intimacy take time to build and cannot be rushed through forced vulnerability.
4) Constantly agreeing with everyone
Another common behavior of those who try too hard to be liked is a tendency to constantly agree with everyone around them.
In a bid to avoid conflict and keep everyone happy, these individuals may suppress their own opinions and simply go along with what everyone else is saying. They might believe that by always agreeing, they’ll be seen as easygoing and likable.
However, this lack of authenticity can often be sensed by others. It can also lead to feelings of resentment and frustration, as the person suppressing their views may feel unheard or unvalued.
It’s important to remember that healthy disagreement is a normal part of life and relationships.
Being able to express your own opinions respectfully shows confidence and authenticity, qualities that are often more attractive than blind agreement.
5) Changing personal values to fit in
One of the most heartbreaking behaviors I’ve seen in people who are desperate to be liked is the willingness to change their personal values just to fit in.
It’s a sad truth that some people feel the need to hide or even completely abandon their true beliefs and values in a bid to be accepted.
They may start adopting the popular opinions or behaviors of the group, even if these go against their own principles.
But true friendships and relationships are built on respect and understanding, not conformity. People are often drawn to those who stand firm in their beliefs, even if they don’t always agree with them.
So if you find yourself compromising your values for acceptance, remember this: You are enough just as you are.
Being true to yourself will attract the right people into your life, those who will appreciate and love you for who you really are.
6) Trying to be a people pleaser
I’ve found myself falling into this trap more times than I care to admit.
Always saying ‘yes’, feeling guilty when I can’t meet someone’s expectations, and bending over backwards to accommodate others, even at the cost of my own happiness or wellbeing.
Trying to please everyone is an exhausting and impossible task. It’s a behavior often adopted by people who are eager to be liked. They believe that by meeting everyone’s needs and never saying ‘no’, they’ll be seen as generous and kind.
But in reality, people-pleasing often leads to burnout, stress, and can even damage relationships.
It’s impossible to meet everyone’s expectations all the time. It’s important to learn to set boundaries and say ‘no’ when necessary.
Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own needs. Saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, it shows that you respect yourself and your own limits.
7) Excessive flattery
Another behavior often displayed by people who are trying too hard to be liked is excessive flattery.
Compliments are wonderful. They can make someone’s day and help build positive relationships.
But when compliments are overused or insincere, they lose their impact.
People who are desperate to be liked might shower others with compliments in an attempt to win their approval. But this can often come off as disingenuous or even manipulative.
Sincere and specific compliments can go a long way in building genuine connections. However, it’s important to remember that flattery isn’t a substitute for authentic connection or meaningful conversation.
True likability comes from being genuine, kind, and respectful, not from empty words of praise.
8) Neglecting their own needs
The most important thing to remember is that people who try too hard to be liked often neglect their own needs in the process.
In their quest for acceptance and approval, they may put others’ needs before their own to an unhealthy extent. This can lead to:
- Burnout
- Resentment
- Loss of personal identity
Your own needs, desires, and wellbeing are just as important as anyone else’s. It’s crucial to take care of yourself and ensure your actions align with your personal values and desires. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Final thoughts: It’s about authenticity
At the heart of our social interactions lies a simple truth – people are drawn to authenticity.
Each one of us is unique, with our own set of values, beliefs, and quirks. These are the attributes that make us who we are and they’re the very things that others find appealing.
When we try too hard to be liked, we often end up masking our true selves and in doing so, we risk losing our authenticity. People can sense when someone is being genuine or not, and it’s often the unfiltered, authentic individuals who are the most well-liked.
So remember, there’s no need to try so hard to fit in or to please everyone. You will attract the right people into your life when you are true to yourself and embrace your uniqueness.
