Tina Fey
There’s a thin line between being helpful and being taken advantage of.
As a relationship coach, I’ve seen it all. People who, under the guise of friendship or love, exploit others for their own benefit. It’s a sad reality, but it’s one we need to be aware of.
These individuals use tactics that are often subtle and manipulative, making it difficult for you to realize what’s happening until it’s too late.
But here’s the thing: once you’ve seen these tactics for what they are, you should not give these people a second chance.
In this article, we’ll explore seven ways people take advantage of you. And once you spot these red flags, it’s time to show them the door. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
1) The guilt-trip game
There’s a type of person who is an expert in the art of making you feel guilty for not doing what they want.
It’s a manipulation tactic, pure and simple.
You see, they play on your emotions, making you feel like you owe them something or that you’re being selfish for putting your needs first. It’s a classic control method.
Let’s say they need a favor, but it’s at a time or in a manner that’s inconvenient for you. Instead of understanding and respecting your boundaries, they’ll make you feel guilty for not bending over backward to help.
And here’s the kicker: they often mask this behavior with phrases like “I thought we were friends” or “I would do it for you”.
But don’t be fooled. This is not about friendship or reciprocation; it’s about control.
When someone uses guilt to influence your decisions and actions, it’s time to take a step back and reconsider their place in your life. Remember, true friends respect boundaries and do not use guilt as a weapon.
2) Overwhelming generosity
Now, this one might seem a little odd. After all, isn’t generosity a good thing? In most cases, absolutely. But there’s a fine line between being generous and using generosity as a tool for manipulation.
There are people who’ll shower you with gifts, favors, and acts of kindness. But there’s always a catch. These ‘gifts’ often come with strings attached and are used as leverage for future requests or demands.
Here’s how it works: They do something nice for you and then, down the line, they’ll remind you of their past kindness to guilt you into doing what they want. It’s a sly way of creating a sense of obligation towards them.
While it’s important to appreciate genuine acts of kindness, be wary of those who use their generosity as a bargaining chip. Real kindness is selfless and doesn’t come with ulterior motives.
3) The expert in your life
It’s astonishing how some people assume they know your life better than you do. They seem to have an opinion about every decision you make and aren’t shy to express it.
These individuals often make you second-guess yourself, leaving you confused and insecure. They’ll make statements like “I know what’s best for you” or “Trust me, I’ve been there”.
And here’s the thing: it’s not always overt. Sometimes it’s subtle, a casual comment here or there that slowly erodes your confidence.
I delve into this in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a deep dive into how such behaviors can lead to codependency and how to break free from it.
But let me tell you this now: No one knows your life better than you do. Don’t let anyone undermine your confidence or belittle your decisions. You’re the expert in your own life, remember that.
4) The chronic victim
Ever met someone who always seems to be in the middle of a crisis? They’re constantly sharing tales of woe, making it seem like the world is against them.
These individuals have perfected the art of playing the victim. They use their sob stories to manipulate your emotions, often trying to get you to do things for them or to gain your sympathy.
Now, don’t get me wrong. We all have our ups and downs. But there’s a difference between sharing your struggles and using them as a manipulation tool.
As Eleanor Roosevelt once wisely said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It’s a reminder that we have control over our reactions and emotions, even when dealing with such individuals.
So next time you encounter someone who constantly plays the victim card, remember Eleanor’s words. Don’t let them manipulate your emotions or control your actions.
5) The unfair trade
We all know that relationships, whether personal or professional, involve a certain amount of give and take. But what happens when the balance is skewed?
There are individuals who always seem to be on the receiving end of things. They’re quick to take but slow to give, leaving you feeling drained and unappreciated.
I’ve encountered such individuals in my own life, and let me tell you, it’s a draining experience. It feels like you’re constantly making sacrifices while getting little in return.
No relationship should feel like a one-sided transaction. If someone consistently takes more than they give, it’s time to reassess their role in your life.
Remember, relationships are about mutual respect and reciprocity. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
6) The emotional blackmailer
Emotional blackmail is a form of psychological manipulation where someone uses your feelings against you to get what they want. And let me tell you, it’s one of the most damaging forms of manipulation.
I remember dealing with an emotional blackmailer in my past. They would use my fears, values, and compassion as leverage, twisting my emotions to serve their needs.
As Albert Einstein once said, “Manipulation is the highest form of intelligence.” And while he may have been right about the cunning it requires, it’s definitely not a form of intelligence to be admired or tolerated.
If you find yourself dealing with an emotional blackmailer, it’s important to stand firm and protect your emotional integrity.
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7) The constant critic
Finally, we have those people who seem to find fault in everything you do. Nothing ever seems good enough for them, and they’re quick to point out your flaws and mistakes.
Whether it’s your appearance, your job, or your choices, they always have something negative to say. It’s like they take pleasure in bringing you down.
Their constant criticism can take a toll on your self-esteem, making you feel inadequate and worthless. And let’s be brutally honest here: it’s nothing less than emotional abuse.
No one has the right to belittle you or make you feel less than you are. Don’t let anyone’s criticism define you or control your life. You are enough just as you are.
Navigating manipulation and building healthy bonds
Relationships are a delicate dance of understanding, compromise, and boundaries. Yet, when manipulation creeps in, it poisons the beauty of connection.
Always remember, you have the power to decide who stays in your life. If someone is exploiting you, it’s time to reconsider their place.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen firsthand the transformation when people recognize manipulation and prioritize self-protection. They regain confidence, cultivate healthier relationships, and find true happiness.
While understanding manipulation is crucial, building fulfilling relationships encompasses much more. That’s why I recommend checking out Justin Brown’s insightful video on finding a life partner, which explores shared values and mutual growth. It’s an invaluable resource for navigating your journey towards a meaningful relationship.
Remember, you deserve respect and love just as much as anyone else. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Onwards and upwards!
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