People who struggle with self-esteem often make these 10 mistakes

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Do you have low self-esteem? It’s not so easy to tell.

Most of the time, people are in denial of their insecurities and there are of course those who are simply not aware of it.

In this article, I have put together a list of mistakes that people of low self-esteem often make.

Figure out if you actually DO have low self-esteem, and know what kind of harm it has been doing to your life.

I hope this list will help encourage you to finally embrace and love yourself more.

1) Falling in love too fast

People of low self-esteem latch on hard…and it’s easy to understand why. 

If someone is convinced that they’re unlovable and unworthy of love or attention, they think that the people who offer them these things are rare.

It won’t matter even if it’s obvious to everyone else that they’re not actually a good match, or that the person is just being nice to them and doesn’t actually have any romantic feelings towards them.

What truly matters is how that person makes them feel—and boy, do they make them feel like a million bucks.

And because of this, they put that person on a pedestal, convincing themselves they’ve found their one true love.

Unfortunately, this habit also leads to them getting into relationships that are doomed to fail. And because of how attached they become to their partners, they end up taking break-ups extremely hard as well.

2) Settling for unfair job opportunities

You can see that their job is abusing them, and that they deserve better. And yet when you approach them, they just brush you off, almost laughing at the idea that their bosses are abusing them.

As far as they’re concerned, they deserve what they got. Their poor self-esteem has them convinced that they don’t deserve to actually have a job that both pays well and is satisfying.

And this is something that bad employers like to take advantage of. In fact, there are some who actively try to put their employees “in their place” for precisely this reason.

This is how a lot of people end up working full 8-9 jobs on a wage that’s barely keeping them alive, and be happy about it all the while.

3) Staying with the wrong people

Their family is toxic as hell. Their friends do nothing but drive them up the wall, and their partner has been caught cheating on them for the sixty-eighth time this year.

And yet they stay, and you can’t help but wonder why.

Sure, they might tell you they just let it be because “no relationship is perfect” or because “to love is to suffer” but to be real, they’re just afraid.

They’re afraid to be alone. After all, they think it’s impossible for them to find the people who’d actually love and respect them.

And so, they just allow themselves to live with people who don’t treat them well.

4) Spending way too much effort trying to impress others

They care WAY too much what others think of them— from their colleagues and friends to even random strangers who they’ll never meet again.

They obsessively think about what people would think about them because of the decisions they take no matter how big or small.

What would people think if they chose to become a shaman or a full-time writer instead of a doctor, for example. What would people say about their sense of fashion?

They don’t think about whether or not they will enjoy a certain profession, or if THEY like how they look.

Their mind is fixated on appeasing and impressing an ever-present and judgemental “other.”

5) Being offended by every little thing

People of low self-esteem always feel attacked. Always, always.

All of us—even those who ooze confidence—have things that offend us, of course.

But as a rule of thumb, the more easily offended someone is and the more fragile their ego, the worse their self-esteem.

The difference is that a confident person will only act on the things that actually matter, like being discriminated against because of their gender, age, or race. And even then, they remain calm.

People with poor self-esteem, on the other hand?

They take offense at basically everything— from a child staring at their pimples to their superiors telling them that they can do better.

They explode, fly off the rails, and seethe because all these things are a threat to their already thin self-esteem.

6) Prioritizing other people’s happiness

There’s nothing wrong with wanting the people around us to be happy, or to be concerned about the happiness and well-being of others.

But sometimes, people go too far and end up sacrificing their own happiness and even well-being just to play the role of a hero. They might even straight up say “What I feel doesn’t matter, what matters is that people are happy!”

You can be more or less certain that people who act like this are doing so because they have an incredibly poor self-image, and maybe even a close to nonexistent sense of self.

They disregard their own wants, needs, and even sanity because they think they’re being selfish if they ever decide to prioritize themselves.

7) Not setting boundaries

It doesn’t matter even if they’re already dead tired and need to lie down and rest. If someone asks them a favor, they will say “yes.”

And it’s hard to say that they’re doing it because they’re a nice person who simply cares. If anything, it’s plain that they’re doing it simply because they feel obligated to do it.

Perhaps they’re worried that their friends will abandon them if they refuse to let their friends crash at their place.

Or perhaps they’re afraid that their family will call them ungrateful if they refuse to lend them some cash.

As far as they’re concerned, who are they to say no?

They feel like they don’t have a choice, simply because they don’t think they deserve a voice.

8) Self-rejecting

They might work hard on getting themselves ready for a job interview for months, only to chicken out at the last minute and simply fail to show up.

Perhaps they might be convinced that their friends are sick and tired of them, so instead of waiting for their friends to leave them, they abandon their friend circles first.

And when they have a crush who they think is way out of their league, they’d ignore them just because their ego would handle it better.

Self-rejection is when someone rejects themselves to deny others the opportunity to reject them, and it’s a clear sign of low self-esteem.

They’re already convinced that they’re trash and that they won’t amount to anything. The last thing they want is to have their self-hate confirmed when others give them rejection.

9) Saying sorry often (and for every little thing)

It’s perfectly normal to say sorry when we accidentally step on others’ toes. But they go beyond that.

Someone can bump into THEM, or simply look a little unhappy in their presence and they’d say sorry.

They already believe their very existence is a bother to others anyways, so when people are unhappy, they would naturally wonder if it’s because of them.

They might even wonder if people are unhappy because their breathing is too loud or because they forgot to put on enough deodorant.

And when people bump into them, it’s obviously because they’re standing in the way.

10) Not trying

If it is not already apparent at this point, people with poor self-esteem are especially touchy about anything that can shatter their already diminutive ego.

And that’s why many of them simply refuse to even try unless they can be 100% sure that they’ll succeed.

Successful people know that failure is simply a stepping stone to success. But they don’t see it that way—every single failure to them is a confirmation of their personal failures.

Not only does this keep them from making the most out of their failures, it means they simply fail to make their move every single time.

Final thoughts

Can you relate to all of the things mentioned in this list? Or perhaps you have someone in mind while reading the article?

The best solution for now is to be a little kinder.

People who make these mistakes often are generally dismissed as being annoying or needy. That’s precisely why we must be as kind to them as possible.

And after that, help yourself or your loved one work on their self-esteem. As you can see, it has a huge impact on one’s quality of life.

The good thing is that self-esteem is something that’s definitely in one’s control. It can be improved little by little, with enough patience and determination.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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