Mia Zhang
Making close friends can be a challenge for some people. Often, they’re not even aware of the traits they display that might be hindering their social connections.
It boils down to self-awareness. People struggling to make friends might be unknowingly projecting certain behaviors that push others away.
This doesn’t mean they’re bad people or unworthy of friendship. It just means they might need a little nudge to understand why it’s been difficult for them to forge deep relationships.
In this article, we’ll uncover the 7 common traits often displayed by people who find it hard to make close friends, without them even realizing it.
Recognizing these traits could be the first step towards improving one’s social skills and fostering more meaningful friendships.
1) Difficulty in expressing vulnerability
One of the most common traits people who struggle to make close friends often display is difficulty in expressing vulnerability.
Vulnerability can be a tough cookie to crack. It involves opening up, showing your emotions, and letting your guard down.
For some people, this comes naturally. For others, it feels like they’re walking on thin ice.
When we’re unable to express vulnerability, we erect walls that hinder deeper connections.
Friends want to know the real you, not just the polished, public version of you. They want to share in your joys and sorrows, your triumphs and trials.
However, being vulnerable doesn’t mean oversharing or dumping all of your problems onto someone else.
It’s about striking the right balance, showing that you trust them enough to share your inner world.
2) Overthinking social interactions
We’ve all been there – picking apart every word, every gesture, every silence in a conversation. I know I have.
Just a few years ago, overthinking was my constant companion. After any social event, I would replay conversations in my head and analyze them to death.
Was my joke too lame? Did I talk too much? Or too little? My mind was a whirlwind of self-doubt and second-guessing.
This tendency to overthink social interactions can be a barrier to making close friends. It can make us anxious, self-conscious and even lead us to avoid social situations altogether to escape the mental exhaustion.
But here’s the thing: Most people don’t scrutinize our words or actions as much as we think they do. They’re too busy worrying about their own insecurities.
When I realized this, it was like a lightbulb moment for me.
Gradually, I learned to relax and enjoy social interactions instead of stressing about them. And guess what? It made a world of difference in my ability to connect with people and form close friendships.
3) Struggling with active listening
Active listening is more than just hearing what the other person is saying. It’s about paying full attention, showing empathy, and responding appropriately.
In a world where we’re constantly bombarded with information and distractions, active listening has become an increasingly rare skill. Yet, it’s crucial for forming deep connections with others.
People who struggle with active listening often find themselves interrupting others, getting distracted during conversations, or preparing their response while the other person is still speaking.
These behaviors can make others feel unheard and unimportant, pushing them away instead of drawing them closer.
4) Fear of rejection
Fear of rejection is a common trait among people who find it hard to make close friends.
It’s a fear that can be rooted in past experiences, low self-esteem, or simply an aversion to risk.
When we fear rejection, we tend to hold back from reaching out to others. We might avoid initiating conversations, inviting others to social events, or expressing our feelings for fear of being turned down.
But in doing so, we often miss out on opportunities to form meaningful connections.
After all, every friendship starts with an interaction, and every interaction carries a risk of rejection.
It’s important to remember that everyone faces rejection at some point. It’s a part of life and it doesn’t define your worth.
5) Being overly competitive
I’ve always been a bit of a competitive person.
Growing up, I played sports and was encouraged to always strive for the win. While this trait served me well in athletics, it didn’t translate as smoothly into my social life.
When you’re overly competitive, every interaction can feel like a challenge to be won. You might find yourself trying to outdo others’ stories or constantly seeking validation for your achievements.
This can be exhausting for those around you and can make it difficult to form close friendships.
After all, friendship isn’t about being better or worse than the other person – it’s about understanding, supporting, and valuing each other as equals.
Learning to keep my competitiveness in check and appreciating the value of cooperation and mutual support was a game-changer for my social life.
It allowed me to connect with others on a deeper level and build stronger, more meaningful friendships.
6) Difficulty in maintaining boundaries
Establishing and respecting boundaries is fundamental in any relationship, including friendships.
They are the invisible lines that define what’s okay and what’s not okay in our interactions with others.
People who struggle to make close friends often have difficulty in maintaining these boundaries.
They might overshare personal information, invade others’ personal space, or demand more time and attention than the other person is comfortable giving.
This can lead to feelings of discomfort or resentment, driving a wedge in the potential friendship. It’s essential to understand and respect each other’s boundaries to build a healthy, balanced friendship.
7) Lack of self-confidence
Self-confidence plays a significant role in our ability to form close friendships.
When we’re confident in who we are, we’re more likely to engage with others, express our thoughts and feelings, and take risks in our relationships.
On the flip side, a lack of self-confidence can hold us back. It can make us shy away from social situations, hesitate to share our ideas, and doubt our worthiness of friendship.
But here’s the thing: Each one of us is unique and valuable in our own way. Recognizing and embracing this fact is the first step towards building self-confidence.
And as your confidence grows, you’ll find that so does your ability to make close friends. Because when you believe in yourself, others will too.
Final thoughts: The power of self-awareness
The journey of friendship is unique to each individual, shaped by countless factors, including our experiences, personality traits, and even our own self-perception.
People often perceive themselves as less likable than their friends do. This skewed self-perception could potentially hinder us from forming close friendships.
But it’s essential to remember that recognizing these traits is not a verdict or a final destination. It’s the first step towards understanding yourself better and fostering deeper relationships with others.
When we become more self-aware, when we understand our traits and how they impact our interactions, we open up a world of possibilities.
We give ourselves the chance to grow, to change, and ultimately, to form the close friendships we desire.
