Pearl Nash
People who seem nice on the surface but actually aren’t will give themselves away one way or another. A stray comment, an eye roll as clear as day, an involuntary facial expression, and so on.
Some can keep this pretense up far longer than others, but still, they’ll give themselves away eventually.
Let’s talk about that. See the signs for what they are, see this person for who they are.
Here are 13 subtle behaviors displayed by people who aren’t as nice as they portray themselves to be. For comparison, I included how a truly nice person would act compared to those who are only nice on the surface.
So, shall we?
1) Excessive flattery
Truly nice: They give genuine compliments befitting the situation, like commending you on a job well done. They notice the hard work you’ve put in.
Fake nice: They’re only buttering you up. Yes, they are.
They’re giving excessive praise even when the situation doesn’t call for it. They bring others down to bring you up. They disparage other people’s work to highlight yours.
The compliments are never because of your merits.
2) Displaying selective honesty
Truly nice: They remain honest even when it’s tough. You’re confident that they will not lie to you for the heck of it.
Fake nice: They’re selectively honest to the point of manipulation. For example, withholding information to get what they want. Intent is important in this, though.
Are they omitting information for now because they don’t want to hurt your feelings or are they doing it for the power trip?
3) Regularly breaking promises or commitments
Truly nice: The truly nice will keep their word. They will let you know immediately if they can’t keep their plans with you. They will try to make it up to you or take a raincheck.
Fake nice: The only-on-the-surface nice will continue to give you promises and will also continue to break them. They also flake on you often with rarely an apology. They don’t really respect your time.
They will seem amiable as they keep making plans with you, but none of these plans will come to fruition.
4) Being excessively competitive
Truly nice: It’s a healthy competition when it comes to really nice people. They don’t take it personally and they cheer you on when you win or get ahead.
Fake nice: Surface niceness won’t allow them to be truly happy for you if you win. Everything is turned into a competition and they become angry when they lose, especially if they lost to you.
This is personal to them.
5) Showing a lack of genuine interest in other people’s well-being
Truly nice: The truly nice will invest their emotions and time in interacting with people. They will actively listen, they will pay attention, they will offer help when needed. They will care.
Fake nice: They don’t care about you or anyone else. Their main priority is themselves. As long as something does not affect them directly, they will not care.
6) Using humor to put others down
Truly nice: Their humor targets nobody (maybe themselves only, self-deprecatingly).
Fake nice: They’re nasty but use the guise of humor to try and get away with it. They put others down and claim it’s only a joke. They can make others laugh, sure, but it’s usually at the expense of someone else.
7) Being overly eager to please someone just to get something in return
Truly nice: They will lend a helping hand, without expecting anything in return.
Fake nice: They will do everything to please someone just to get something in return. They like it when people owe them favors and they will NEVER let you forget that. They will cash in on that favor soon enough.
8) Being passive-aggressive
Truly nice: Just because someone is truly nice doesn’t mean they’re a pushover, far from it, they’re more direct when they need to be. They respect you enough to settle whatever issue they may have with you. They can remain civil but they can’t ever fake their reactions.
Fake nice: Meanwhile, someone who’s only nice on the surface is more prone to passive-aggressive comments. The thin veneer of niceness that they have won’t be able to stop the truth of their anger.
They’re the type of people who can say they don’t have a problem with you but then will nitpick on everything you do. They might smile at you but they’re rolling their eyes once they turn around.
9) Nastily talking about others behind their backs
Truly nice: Someone who’s genuinely nice won’t talk bad about people behind their backs.
Fake nice: Someone who’s only nice on the surface is more likely to talk smack about someone behind their backs. They won’t have the guts to do it in person because they have their image of niceness to consider.
10) Lack of empathy
Truly nice: Empathy sets people apart from each other. How nice someone is can be seen by the consistency with which they treat other people or other living things.
Fake nice: Look at how they treat those that aren’t advantageous to them. Look at how they treat animals (and look at how animals react to them, too).
Look at how they treat their employees. Look how they treat how they treat servers.
The truth lies there.
11) Using guilt trips or emotional manipulation
Truly nice: Those who are truly nice won’t resort to emotional manipulation just to get you to do something. They respect your boundaries too much to do that.
Fake nice: Meanwhile, the nice-only-on-the-surface will. They will do whatever is necessary. They will use fake tears if needed just to tug at your heartstrings.
12) Being overly critical of others
Truly nice: A truly nice person won’t nitpick, they won’t comment on what doesn’t concern them. They won’t carelessly comment on people’s looks. They understand which topics not to bring up out of respect, like weight or sexuality.
Fake nice: Surface-level niceness includes being overly critical of others, especially unprovoked. Whatever they can nitpick will be nitpicked, they don’t care who they’ll wound.
13) Constantly steering conversations back to themselves
Truly nice: There’s an equal amount of exchange when talking to someone who’s not just faking their niceness.
Fake nice: Those who are faking their niceness will always steer the conversation back to themselves. They won’t be able to stop talking about themselves. Their care about what you’re saying is only superficial, only enough to say that they’re hearing you.
But are they truly listening? Only if they need it to reroute the topic back to them.
Only then will they pay attention.
Now, what?
Okay, so they’re not as nice as they seem, what are we supposed to do about it?
At best, they can be acquaintances. Being friends with these types of people can get exhausting real quick because you’ll never know what they’re truly feeling. You’ll never truly know what they think of you.
Well, don’t take anything they say at face value. They’re not as genuine as you are being made to believe, after all.
Protect your peace.
