People who seem lovely on the surface but mean underneath often display these specific behaviors

We all know them. Folks who are sweetness and light on the outside, but have a mean streak lurking beneath the surface.

The tricky part is, these individuals have honed the art of deception. They disguise their mean side so well that it can take a while to catch on.

But, if you know what to look for, these people often display specific behaviors that give them away.

Let’s dive in. 

1) They’re charming…until they’re not

We’ve all encountered them. People who are incredibly charming, personable, and engaging. They know how to make you feel like the center of attention, and it’s easy to be drawn in by their charisma.

But the charm is often a façade. These individuals tend to use their charm as a tool to get what they want, and once they have it, the mask can drop quite quickly.

It’s not uncommon for this type of person to become cold, dismissive, or even mean when their charm no longer serves a purpose. They’re happy to be your best friend when it benefits them, but the moment it doesn’t, you’re suddenly not worth their time.

Beware of those who can turn their charm on and off like a switch – it’s often a sign that they’re lovely on the surface but mean underneath.

2) Their compliments often have a sting

I remember a friend I had. She was always full of compliments. At first, it was flattering – who doesn’t like to be praised, right? But then I started to notice a pattern.

Every compliment she gave was laced with an underhanded insult. “I love your dress. I could never pull off something so…bold.” Or “You’re so brave to go after that job. I’d be terrified of all that responsibility.”

On the surface, these comments seemed lovely. But underneath, they were designed to undermine and belittle. It took me a while to recognize this behavior for what it was – mean-spirited and manipulative.

3) They’re more interested in talking than listening

Did you know that in a typical conversation, people spend around 60% of the time talking about themselves? But with these individuals, that number often shoots up. Their conversations are often heavily skewed towards their own experiences, achievements, or interests.

They might seem lovely on the surface as they’re great storytellers and can captivate you with their tales. But a deeper look reveals their lack of interest in your thoughts, feelings or experiences.

If you find yourself constantly on the listening end of a conversation, it might be a sign that the person is not as lovely as they appear to be.

4) They often play the victim

Have you ever met someone who always seems to be the target of life’s misfortunes? They can spin any situation to make themselves the hapless victim.

These individuals have a knack for avoiding responsibility for their actions. They’ll blame others, circumstances, or just bad luck for their own failures or mistakes.

On the surface, they may seem sweet and innocent, eliciting sympathy and concern. But beneath that, this behavior often masks a mean streak. It’s a manipulative tactic to keep you off balance and maintain their control over the narrative.

5) They’re never genuinely happy for others

A few years back, I received some exciting news – I had been offered a dream job in a new city. Naturally, I couldn’t wait to share it with my friends. Most of them were thrilled for me. But one friend’s reaction stood out.

Instead of sharing my joy, she immediately started pointing out all the potential negatives. The cost of living in the new city, the stress of moving, the risk of leaving a secure job – she brought up everything she could think of to dampen my excitement.

At the time, I thought she was just being realistic. But as time went on, I realized that this was a pattern. She couldn’t handle other people’s success or happiness. On the surface, she seemed lovely, always there with a word of caution to ‘help’ you. But underneath, she was unable to be genuinely happy for anyone else – a behavior that revealed a mean side.

If you find someone constantly raining on your parade, consider whether they’re truly looking out for you or if they’re simply revealing their own bitterness and jealousy.

6) They tend to hold grudges

Some people never forget a slight. They hold on to grudges, often for a very long time, and are not shy about bringing up past instances where they feel they were wronged.

On the surface, these individuals may seem lovely, often displaying an affable demeanor. But underneath, these grudges can fester and can sometimes lead to acts of revenge or spite.

It’s okay to remember past hurts, but holding onto them and allowing them to dictate your actions isn’t healthy behavior. If someone seems to be constantly dwelling on past wrongs or can’t seem to let go of a grudge, it may be a sign that they’re not as lovely as they appear on the surface.

7) They are consistently inconsistent

The most telling sign of someone who’s lovely on the surface but mean underneath is their inconsistency. One moment they are your best friend, the next they treat you like a stranger. They’re warm and engaging when they need something from you, but cold and distant when they don’t.

This kind of emotional whiplash can be disorienting and it’s often their most powerful tool of manipulation. Their unpredictable behavior keeps you off balance, always questioning where you stand with them.

Recognizing this pattern of inconsistency can save you from a lot of confusion and heartache. So if someone’s behavior towards you fluctuates wildly without reason, take heed. That could be the biggest red flag of all.

Final thoughts: Awareness is key

The behaviors of those who seem lovely on the surface but mean underneath are no different. They can be hard to pinpoint, often masked by charm, charisma, or manipulative tactics.

But awareness is the first step towards understanding. Recognizing these behaviors – the inconsistent attitudes, the backhanded compliments, the inability to share in others’ joy – can help us navigate our relationships more effectively.

The goal isn’t to vilify or condemn these individuals, but rather to protect ourselves from unnecessary hurt and confusion. So as you move forward, keep these signs in mind. They might just provide you with the insight you need to make better decisions about who you allow into your inner circle.

Remember, we all deserve relationships that are authentic, respectful, and kind – both on the surface and underneath.