People who pretend to be nice but actually aren’t usually display these 9 subtle behaviors

Navigating through the maze of human behavior — it’s a tricky business, isn’t it?

Sometimes, people may seem sweet as sugar on the surface, but underneath that veneer, they might not be as nice as they appear.

Dealing with such individuals can be a draining experience, leaving you confused and questioning your judgment.

But what if I told you there are certain subtle behaviors that can help you spot these faux nice individuals?

Yes, that’s right. There are signals to look out for, and I’m going to share them with you in this article.

So buckle up, as we delve into the world of feigned niceties and reveal these X subtle behaviors that people who pretend to be nice but actually aren’t usually display.

1) They’re excessively charming

Within the labyrinth of human behavior, charm can often be a smokescreen.

Interesting, right?

Individuals who pretend to be nice often lay it on thick with charisma and charm. They’re always ready with a compliment or a friendly gesture, making you feel special and appreciated.

But here’s the catch.

This charm is often too consistent, too perfect. It doesn’t waver even in situations where most would lose their cool or patience.

And why is that, you might ask?

Well, it’s because excessive charm can be a tool to manipulate and control situations. It’s used to win your trust and make you lower your guard.

Remember: real kindness isn’t about constant flattery or charm. It’s about authenticity and treating others with respect, even in challenging situations.

If you notice someone who’s relentlessly charming, it might be a sign that they’re not as nice as they appear.

2) They use ‘gaslighting’ as a weapon

Ever heard of the term ‘gaslighting‘?

It’s a psychological tactic that can be quite subtle, making it even more dangerous.

Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into questioning your own sanity. Sounds horrifying, doesn’t it?

Here’s how it works.

The pretender might deny things that have actually happened or twist facts around to suit their narrative. They’ll make you feel as if you’re losing your grip on reality, causing you to doubt your memory, perception, or even your sanity.

And the worst part?

It’s done so cunningly that you start believing their version of the story. You might even apologize for accusations you never made or mistakes you never committed.

Spotting gaslighting can be tough, but it’s a crucial step in identifying people who pretend to be nice but actually aren’t. Keep an eye out for this behavior; it’s a clear red flag.

3) They’re always the victim

Intriguingly, this point ties closely to the concept of gaslighting. People who only pretend to be nice have a knack for playing the victim card.

It might seem counterintuitive at first. After all, aren’t victims usually the ones who need kindness and support?

However, perpetual victims use their status as a shield or an excuse. They portray themselves as being constantly wronged or misunderstood by others, despite their ‘best intentions’.

This tactic serves two purposes. First, it deflects any blame or criticism that might be directed towards them. Second, it elicits sympathy and guilt, making others more likely to side with them or overlook their behavior.

But remember, while it’s human to face hardships and feel wronged sometimes, a constant victim mentality could indicate that there’s more than meets the eye.

4) They’re rarely happy for others

Ever known someone who struggles to be genuinely happy for others?

It’s a subtle behavior, but if you pay attention, you’ll notice it’s quite common among individuals who pretend to be nice.

On the surface, they might congratulate you on your achievements or successes. They might even throw in a compliment or two. But somehow, it doesn’t feel quite right.

Deep down, you sense a lack of genuine joy or enthusiasm. There might be a hint of jealousy or competitiveness in their words or actions. They might subtly downplay your success or shift the focus back to themselves.

Remember, true kindness involves empathy and being able to feel joy for others’ happiness. If someone struggles with this, it might be an indication that their niceness is just a façade.

5) They exhibit manipulative behaviors

Manipulation – it’s a classic tool in the arsenal of those who only pretend to be nice. It’s often subtle, making it hard to spot until you’re deep into the situation. But once you’re aware of it, it’s hard to ignore.

Here are some common manipulative behaviors to look out for:

• They frequently use guilt trips to get what they want.
• They twist your words to fit their narrative.
• They use emotional blackmail to make you feel obligated or indebted.

These behaviors are not part of a genuine, kind nature. They’re strategic moves designed to control and influence. Be wary of these signs when dealing with people who seem overly nice.

6) They’re not consistent

Now, let’s talk about something I’ve noticed in my interactions — inconsistency.

Inconsistency is a major red flag when dealing with people who pretend to be nice.

One day, they’re your best friend, showering you with compliments and kind gestures. The next day, they’re cold and distant, treating you like a stranger.

Does this sound familiar?

We’ve all come across such individuals at some point in our lives — people who flip-flop between being overly nice and being indifferent or even hostile.

Let’s face it. Genuine kindness is consistent. It doesn’t change based on mood, circumstances, or convenience.

7) They only show interest when they need something

Imagine this. You have a friend who’s always nice and friendly whenever you meet. But over time, you start to notice a pattern. They only reach out when they need a favor or some help.

When they don’t need anything, they seem to disappear. Your messages go unanswered, and your hangout plans are often met with excuses.

Sounds familiar?

Ask yourself this: Do they seem genuinely interested in you and your life, or are you just a means to an end?

Someone who only feigns niceness will often show interest in others when there’s something to gain. Genuine kindness, on the other hand, is selfless and doesn’t come with strings attached.

If someone is only nice when they need something, it’s worth giving a second thought to their motives.

8) They’re overly critical of others

Here’s a personal story. I once knew a person who was extremely nice — to my face. But the moment someone else’s back was turned, they would start criticizing and gossiping.

It was quite shocking to see someone so seemingly kind could be so quick to point out others’ flaws or mistakes.

People who pretend to be nice often have a habit of being overly critical of others. They might mask their criticism as concern or ‘just being honest’, but it’s usually more about pulling others down than offering constructive feedback.

While none of us are perfect and we’re all prone to a little gossip now and then, constant criticism is not a trait of genuine kindness.

9) They rarely apologize or accept responsibility

And finally, we arrive at the most telling sign of all.

People who pretend to be nice rarely apologize or accept responsibility for their actions. Instead, they find ways to deflect blame onto others or make excuses for their behavior.

They might say things like, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but you’re too sensitive” or “It’s not my fault you misunderstood me.” In reality, these are non-apologies that shift the blame onto you instead of acknowledging their own wrongdoing.

This lack of accountability is a clear sign of someone who’s not as nice as they appear to be. Genuine kindness involves admitting when you’re wrong and making amends — not deflecting blame and making excuses.

So there it is, the final piece of the puzzle. If someone rarely apologizes or accepts responsibility, it’s a clear red flag. Keep this in mind as we navigate through the complex world of human behavior.

What can you do now?

So, you’ve identified some signs of people who pretend to be nice. But what’s next? How can you handle these individuals and protect yourself from their subtle manipulations?

Here are a few tips:

• Trust your instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust your gut feelings about people and situations.
• Set boundaries: It’s crucial to establish clear boundaries to protect your mental and emotional well-being. Don’t be afraid to say no when necessary.
• Seek support: If you’re dealing with a particularly difficult person, don’t hesitate to seek support from trusted friends, family, or a professional counselor.

Remember, knowledge is power. By recognizing these signs, you’re equipping yourself with the tools to navigate tricky social situations and protect your mental health.

As we journey through the intricate maze of human behavior, let’s remember to trust our instincts, maintain our boundaries, and seek help when needed. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it for our peace of mind and well-being.